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CoLd BlooDed
10:17 pm | June 17, 2004
It was decent, but you need to put more effort into editting and grammar. I also felt the President DID swear too much, it just doesn't seem like something the President would do - I mean, don't get me wrong, but I don't think a leader of a country would be angry, but shocked and worried.
I was also confused on who was speaking, you need to work on dialogue as well. A must-have is the code, figure out what it is.
Overall, it was okay, interesting, but only okay. Work on all the stuff MCC suggested.
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MC's Cousin
4:41 pm | June 17, 2004
Just because you can put cursing in a story, doesn't mean you have to. Cursing in a story is alright, as long as you use it in proper context and in the proper moment. Don't write like those rappers sing now-a-days.
Overall, I think you just need to work on perfecting your writing. Make sure your grammer and spelling and flow and everything else works. It just makes a story sound better, and makes it easier to read.
The way it was written, it was a little jumbled. Pure dialogue isn't very good unless you have a setting and other details that really let the reader put themselves into the middle of the argument.
Signing Off
MCC
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Gold Elite
1:10 pm | June 17, 2004
Code, please. I read the first couple of paragraphs and left. Too much cursing and crap like that. And also always capitalize Reach. This wasn't a very well planned story, nor was it proof read very well. It's obvious you don't care to much about your story. Actually try next time. I'd go easier, but this isn't your first fan-fic.
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Pyramid-Head
11:27 am | June 16, 2004
That was a pretty good story, I have actually used a plan JUST like that in WarCraft 3 and completely won. My base was getting completely raped by the enemy army and I had just sent about 7 seige weapons to his base. My army was getting killed and my base was about to be next when my 7 seige weapons started destroying all of his buildings. He was forced to retreat and the major setback in his production let me win. It was awesome. Anyways enough on that, it was a really great story I liked a perspective from the political leaders instead of soldiers for a change.
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Helljumper
11:06 am | June 16, 2004
Hmmm, shitty plan
ODST
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