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Comments for 'The Patrol' |
DanH
2:58 am | July 21, 2004
Well the thing is, we don't know how fast the battle took.
It may be just a few short minutes and they weren't carrying enough ammo on them, or it could have been several hours into the night. I don't know, so neither do you.
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Guardian
4:01 pm | July 20, 2004
sometimes its better to run to fight another day, then hold off against a force of unknown units, when running incredibly low on ammo, and supplies. Also it looked like the battle went by way to quickly. and in that given time, the marines running out of ammo so fast would be like, they firing 2 clips of ammo a minute, a second to reload and repeat.
Use the code, like everyone else has said so. It was ok, otherwise, you need to work on it.
8/10, I'm a nice guy.
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Dave Luck
9:30 pm | July 18, 2004
Don't get me wrong, the story is good. The ending is inspiring. But I'd like to see a little coding.
It'll add that professional touch to your works. Keep it up.
- Dave.
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Locke cole
4:33 pm | July 18, 2004
this owns all
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Dave Luck
9:23 pm | July 16, 2004
The Code. We need to see some code.
- Dave.
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Helljumper
8:06 pm | July 16, 2004
hope this has a plot.
ODST
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DanH
6:21 pm | July 16, 2004
For some reason it wouldn't let me indent, if that's what you're saying. Also, when there is dialogue inside of a paragraph, it's someone thinking. I believe that's what you meant
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Slit Throat
5:35 pm | July 16, 2004
Not too bad.
Other than the usual request for the code, (why doesn't anybody ever read the guidlines?), it wasn't too difficult to read.
Instead of typing '-static-', put '…' It makes it a little easier to read. Also, start a new paragragh for each line of dialogue.
Like Jessica said, the plot sounds good.
6/10
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DanH
3:21 pm | July 16, 2004
This was my first attempt at writing fan fiction, hopefully the rest of this story don't kill it
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Jessica
12:32 pm | July 16, 2004
I found like two or three grammatical and spelling errors, but aside from that, you have a great plot, and you're done a great job on this story...keep it up! ^.^
Jess
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