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Comments for 'Destiny Chapter 3' |
Split
4:08 am | July 4, 2004
helljumper doesnt know what hes talking about...that is great
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343 Salty Beans
9:25 pm | June 22, 2004
I really like your series. I think I've posted on the older ones, but I'll have another go.
VERY few mistakes when I read it, and I don't miss much. I look at the grammatical/formatical errors, and I could only find a few that remotely annoyed me.
'and two SMGs and one cases of ammo to use at the shooting range.'
I think you meant one CASE, not CASES. But that doesn't matter much.
Oh, here's another one.
'The SMGs were not an effective long-range weapon...'
I'm really not sure what happened to this sentence, I think you switched from plural to singular.
I think I saw a couple run-on sentences too, but that doesn't matter much.
The one thing that bugged me a lot, though, was that a regular, un-enhanced human could fire two automatic weapons at once. The only reason the Spartans can do it is because of their MJOLNIR armor and muscular/skeletal enhancements, and their aim still drifts high from the recoil.
And the last paragraph could have been a great cliffhanger, but it wasn't written too well. I can't really suggest too much, but perhaps a switch over to the Covie point of view?
GREAT job, though. I am really having fun following your series. You are quite the talented author, and you can switch back and forth between dialogue and action smoothly (most people either write it all one way or the other, but not with smooth transitions between both).
343SB
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Crazy_Canuck
6:36 pm | June 21, 2004
Ya I know, it's not the most exciting chapter. Everything else that I have written for this series so far is pretty exciting though. I'll put the next chapter up this week some time, so keep reading. It's much better!
CC
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Helljumper
4:55 pm | June 21, 2004
Kinda boring
ODST
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