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Comments for 'To Capture a Prophet Chapter 1- Mission Briefing' |
Fuzzy Blue
11:42 am | July 21, 2004
I enjoyed reading your story. I suppose the first thing you did right was to spell everything correctly and not leaving parts of sentences you scrapped in with the real thing. Apparently, not many people know how to spellcheck. Bravo on your efforts!
But now the bad news. Your story has no indentations or breaks, so the entire thing reads like one single, long, boring run-on sentence. I just suggest you figure out where you want to separate your thoughts, and go from there.
The only other problem I have isn't even your fault. I notice that a lot of these compositions try to explain everything away (specifications for weapons, explanations for locations or buildings that most people are familiar with already), to the point that the story becomes one big fact sheet. I don't blame you for doing this, but your audience might have a slightly smaller attention span or patience than you're willing to accommodate.
Overall, a good effort that I look forward to seeing more of! Keep up the good work!
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someone that you dont know
11:36 am | July 21, 2004
wat r u taking abut i nvr spm becuase i am cool
That...was...completely...random
And just the thought of "a n00b that is cool" makes me laugh, STYDK says that there are no such thing as "cool" n00bs. You better not be Spanish Spartan
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hunter that dances
1:30 am | July 21, 2004
horrible....if it was opposite day!!
great first go. you might wanna bold the title and replace the * * * with a horizontal rule
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Covie_Lover
12:16 am | July 21, 2004
Oh..hi spanish spartan. i was warned about you. you're not going to spam are you?
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Covie_Lover
12:07 am | July 21, 2004
How often does HBO update the fan fiction? cause i'm worried i forgot click submit...
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spanish spartan
12:02 am | July 21, 2004
aw wel i ges u blu mi covr. meani
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da same nOOb
9:30 pm | July 20, 2004
wat r u taking abut i nvr spm becuase i am cool
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MC's Cousin
8:33 pm | July 20, 2004
Oh, yes, what STYDN said as well. Be VERY greatful you were not around.
Signing Off
MCC
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someone that you dont know
8:31 pm | July 20, 2004
If you dont know who SS is, consider yourself lucky. You missed a bad person from a bad era, be happy you dont know the fool.
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MC's Cousin
8:29 pm | July 20, 2004
Well, you weren't around then, but:
SS (spanish spartan) was another n00b who persisted in spamming the comments sections and just being an upfront jackass. Banning is a very wonderful thing indeed. I love HBO that way...
Look, I was generous, and answered a stupid question. I am such a good person!
Signing Off
MCC
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Covie_Lover
7:46 pm | July 20, 2004
Nope. The John is a concidence. and who is SS?
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Gemmima
1:08 pm | July 20, 2004
John Lockes... there's a Captain keyes/lockes correlation (like you said) but also a link with the Master Chief, John-117. Am I right, or is that just a coincidence?
~Gem~
PS: Mastergrunt, 'a n00b' probablt is SS, and no he never buggers off.
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Covie_Lover
11:02 am | July 20, 2004
i know it's not a chatroom, but people treat it like one. Anyway, someone that i don't know, you are the first to notice the Keyes/Lockes correlation good for you. Don't start yelling at me for not being creative though! It took you guys long enough to figure it out.
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someone that you dont know
10:32 pm | July 19, 2004
Has no one here noticed the strange supposedly coincidental name of, is it, John Lockes, am I correct? Think about it.
As for the story, it was ok, could use a bit of work though.
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CoLd BlooDed
7:33 pm | July 19, 2004
Covie_Lover, you're making this comments section seem like a chatroom.
It's not.
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Covie_Lover
6:25 pm | July 19, 2004
Lightpost of Summer, eh?
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343 Salty Beans
3:48 pm | July 19, 2004
I AGREE!
Okay, I'd better elaborate. I agree with just about everything said here, including that you should REALLY read the books before you write and FF.
Back from vacation, waves sucked, good tanm though...
And I'll keep going. So many people think that since a ship has a name like Pillar of Autumn, Column of Spring and Lightpost of Summer are acceptable names (I'm not kidding you with the Lightpost thing...I saw it once). Same with COvie ships. Just because one ship is named Truth and Reconciliation doesn't mean ALL Covenant ship names are along that line, such as Pity & regret, or Purity & Retribution. I HATE when people do that.
Sorry, just a pet peeve. Hope you consider this constructive critisicm.
343SB
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Slit Throat
11:58 am | July 19, 2004
[indent] is how to indent. Read the guidelines.
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Dave Luck
11:58 am | July 19, 2004
There are n00bs in every site.
And as for time, it's better to type stuff out yourself, save it and be patient.
- Dave.
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Covie_Lover
11:54 am | July 19, 2004
ss?
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Covie_Lover
11:51 am | July 19, 2004
I realize that. The next chapter will be much improved. I still do not know how to indent, though. Unfortunatly, i already submitted it.
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Mastergrunt
11:49 am | July 19, 2004
I'm also guessing that a nOOb is ss. Does he ever get lost?
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Mastergrunt
11:47 am | July 19, 2004
I know you mean well but you didn't indent, there were no paragraphs, and it was kinda short.
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Slit Throat
11:42 am | July 19, 2004
I'm trying to be diplomatic here.
I went back and reread the story and I see what you mean. I have a way of skimming along and not getting all the details, sorry.
I agree with MCC in some respects. If you're going to write an accurate Halo story, you should read the books; especially FS.
I've been here long enough to learn that pissing off regulars is a good way to get flamed. Be careful.
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Covie_Lover
11:18 am | July 19, 2004
Unlike others I could mention
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Covie_Lover
11:15 am | July 19, 2004
I would like to point out to anybody that reads this that i do enjoy halo, but am not obssessed with it
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!@#$
5:24 am | July 19, 2004
People started getting funny ideas from Pillar of Autumn and made names like Collumn of Spring.
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Havok
3:41 am | July 19, 2004
lets quit bickering and arguing about who killed who....(i love that line)...why not head over and read my Absolution series? eh?..c'mon, itl be fun....
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Covie_Lover
12:41 am | July 19, 2004
-sigh- Today has been kind of a hissy fit, hasen't it?
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Covie_Lover
12:32 am | July 19, 2004
Flamed?
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Covie_Lover
12:29 am | July 19, 2004
FIne, i'll admit, it looked like crap. but only because i wanted to finish it, and i was pressed for time. Obviously, stories should not be rushed.
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Severian
12:18 am | July 19, 2004
Not reading the books isn't really that much of a crime (I haven't read any of them) as long as you're smart enough to seem like you did. That is, evade any in-depth tactical details, take a peep at the story pages, read some in-depth fanfiction, and smartly disguise your ignorance with nonsensical but smart-sounding words.
But why do you call MCC a obsessively drooling fanboy? Obviously, you must like Halo to come here...
As for the fic, it sucked. Just because you couldn't indent, it still shouldn't be this messy. Look at Chuckle's story.
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MC's Cousin
12:16 am | July 19, 2004
Oh, I never go away. But once you get to know me, you realize I can be a good guy. Just as soon as you stop throwing your poo at me.
Signing Off
MCC
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Covie_Lover
12:09 am | July 19, 2004
I notice that it has been a whole hour since MCC said anything. maybe he went away. i can only hope
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Covie_Lover
12:05 am | July 19, 2004
too late. i submitted it early this morning. So pretend it's indented, ok?
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MC's Cousin
12:03 am | July 19, 2004
Oh no, Slit Throat, I won't flame him. That would only go to prove nothing. Though I do agree trying to piss off (I was no where near pissed off) regulars is not the way to get liked 'round here.
I just think that Bungie spent good brains on coming up with such a good storyline. If you want to write about something that could have happened, and make something completely up, go right ahead. I'm not discouraging you, I'm just telling you to keep with the story if you are trying to slid you story in with Bungie's.
Obsessed? No. Drooling? No. And I can't remember tha lst time I hyperventalated over a n00b. Know why, it never happened.
I'm actually sitting here smiling, drinking a latte. Ah...
You know, putting up with all of our criticism is part of being a good, not to mention decent, writer. You try to demean me? Hah, I've heard pleny worse, no skin off my back.
You may thing us regulars are a bunch of asses...well, we're entitled to it. You know why? Does the word experience mean anything to you? Learn to suck it up, and not be like MCC, and take time out of your day to explain this type of thing to a n00b.
Signing Off
MCC
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Covie_Lover
10:53 pm | July 18, 2004
Oh, yes. these ARE getting personal, aren't they? I pity you. -sigh-. you see MCC, i am not like you. That is to say, i am not some kind of drooling obbsessive Halo fan who squeals at the thought of anything that does not go along perfectly with "Holy Trio of Halo books" You see, i have something called an IMAGINATION. I know this concept must seem foreign to you, so i will expalin it to you. An imagination is something that allows you to come up with you're own ideas. That means that, although my story does not go along with the 3 Halo books, I am not sitting in my chair, hyperventilating about it. Thank you for your time, MCC
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MC's Cousin
10:15 pm | July 18, 2004
Ok, I'm better. I'l finish up with this:
Read the books before you continue. I say this reasonably nicely. Eric Nylund wrote FoR and FS with the knowledge of the Halo Bible by the way, so they should be accurate.
Signing Off
MCC
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MC's Cousin
10:08 pm | July 18, 2004
Those kind of story comments are getting personal. No one else say anything, HE'S MINE!
Well, FoR does say that Spartans are walking around, originally, seventy five of them! After their augmentation there were thirty three able to be in combat (twelve more not fit for combat). FoR is based BEFORE tF and the game, and it seems you haven't even read FS.
I say you are a friggin' CENSORED. Don't even try to act like you know what your talkin' about when you haven't read all the books. Or understand them.
I politely suggest you read all the books and make a reasonable attempt to understand it all before continuing this series.
Signing Off
MCC
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Covie_Lover
10:01 pm | July 18, 2004
Slit throat, if you had read my story closely, you would realize that they did not know whether of not a Prophet is as big as a hunter of not. So how are they supposed to know that thay are really dinky litle wimps sitting in floating chairs?
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Slit Throat
9:29 pm | July 18, 2004
The game manual is written about what the Master Chief knows and, during the game, he didn't know any other Spartans were alive!
As for the M6D, kill the guards, not the Prophet. Smack him over the head or something… but I see your point.
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OpeningAct number 2
8:36 pm | July 18, 2004
LALAALALALALALALALALALALAAAAAAAAAAa
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Covie_Lover
8:09 pm | July 18, 2004
By the way, Master Cheif's Cousin, the game manual says that MC is the last of his kind. So where the Fall of Reach got the idea that there were more Spartans waling around, i don't know...
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Pink Monkey
7:35 pm | July 18, 2004
.......................................................................................................................................?
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Covie_Lover
7:12 pm | July 18, 2004
why did that get sent 3 times?
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Covie_Lover
7:06 pm | July 18, 2004
Maybe writing this story was more trouble than it's worth...
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Covie_Lover
7:06 pm | July 18, 2004
Maybe writing this story was more trouble than it's worth...
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Covie_Lover
7:06 pm | July 18, 2004
Maybe writing this story was more trouble than it's worth...
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Covie_Lover
6:57 pm | July 18, 2004
-sigh- All right, you caught me. all i've read is The Flood. I just don't like admitting that i'm too poor to afford even those books. So give me a break, ok?
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Dave Luck
6:30 pm | July 18, 2004
I saw some italics in there...
But the story is too jumbled to see anything.
- Dave.
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MC's Cousin
5:36 pm | July 18, 2004
[sarcasm] Wow, BansheeBoy, you back?! [/sarcasm] Where in the name of melting mushrooms have you been? Ah...
Anyway, well Covie Lover, it appears that you haven't read all the books. There still aren't many left eh? Your telling me eh? Actually, John, Will, Fred, Linda, and Kelly are still alive. Grace, Anton, and Lee escaped Reach, but they died. And now Doc Halsey has Kelly, so we'll dub her MIA-Spartan-Chick. Plus there's those three Spartans that are too distant to be recalled. There's your crash course. I'm feeling surprisingly generous today, but it probably won't happen again!
You might want to re-read FoR and FS. If your trying to make this fit with the storyline that is.
Signing Off
MCC
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a nOOb
5:08 pm | July 18, 2004
wow i lik this story itwas coolwill you be wtring anonter chapter that wud be cool
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Covie_Lover
4:59 pm | July 18, 2004
By the way, I submitted the next chapter. I would not let me put indents at the beginning of a new paragraph for some reason, so pretnd they are there, ok?
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Covie_Lover
4:48 pm | July 18, 2004
Why don't I notice any of these spelling mistakes BEFORE I post the comment? geez. i like having perfect spelling
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BansheeBoy
4:46 pm | July 18, 2004
Hey, i'm back guys. Does anyone wanna do a fic with me?
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Covie_Lover
4:44 pm | July 18, 2004
Yes, i have read the the books, but this is changing things slightly, so more than one Spartan exacped the attack on Reach. There still aren't many left though
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MC's Cousin
4:33 pm | July 18, 2004
Well, you could stick him in a sarcophigus and...oh, this ins't...nevermind.
Anyway, I would agree with OpeningAct and Slit Throat.
I would say this story passed a little bit too quickly. A few more details would make a difference. Ok storyline, but have you read the books? If so, hmm...
Oh, one last thing. You had better be damned careful writing about Spartans. How are they new? Fudge it up and plenty of people will get on to you about it. Of course, you could consult the books...
Signing Off
MCC
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Covie_Lover
3:32 pm | July 18, 2004
Well, if you use a M6D, you have a dead Covenant on your hands. HOw do you interrigate that, hmmm?
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Slit Throat
3:25 pm | July 18, 2004
I took one look at that and ran away. You NEED paragraphs or at least spaces between sections of text.
Anyway, grammar and spelling look good as does the plot. I'd like to see where this goes.
6/10: for formatting issues and minor, everyday errors.
Who needs a tranquilizer when you've got an M6D? ;)
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OpeningAct
3:25 pm | July 18, 2004
Yea, I know wat its like. I'll judge you on the next part.
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Covie_Lover
1:35 pm | July 18, 2004
I Know, but i was pressed for time... Expecr more creative things later
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OpeningAct
9:41 am | July 18, 2004
The collumn of spring? Oh, that's original..
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