|
About This Site
Daily Musings
News
News Archive
Site Resources
FAQ
Screenshots
Concept Art
Halo 2 Updates
Interviews
Movies
Music
Miscellaneous
Mailbag
HBO PAL
Game Fun
The Halo Story
Tips and Tricks
Fan Creations
Wallpaper
Misc. Art
Fan Fiction
Comics
Logos
Banners
Press Coverage
Halo Reviews
Halo 2 Previews
Press Scans
Community
HBO Forum
Clan HBO Forum
HBO IRC Channel
Links
Admin
Submissions
FTP Uploads
HTTP Uploads
Contact
|
|
|
Comments for 'Fight for New Tatley (Chapter 5: Arriving, Departing)' |
CoLd BlooDed
3:06 am | December 5, 2003
Thanks for the tips Jamirus, yes I know that the Grunt's are tall, I noticed that when one of them came up to the marines in the game. Haha anyways, I'll listen to your advice and hopefully improve on the next story.
|
Jamirus99
8:26 pm | December 4, 2003
Sorry, I missed this one.....
"A plasma grenade came into sight and harmlessly latched itself to a plant down the hallway; it exploded, sending dirt everywhere."
Notice the correcxt puncuation in the second part of the sentence: a semicolon links the two main ideas, and a comma adds to dish up the details. There were a couple of mistakes like that, where you would forget to use semicolons or conjunctions after commas. HOWEVER, I hate when people only point out the bad: I noticed you use semicolons several times, and overall, grammar and punctuation has taken a giant leap. Good job.
Also, elites are being killed too easily. These guys have shields- the mairnes don't. Try paring off against jackals and grunts....with the occasional elite for a tough spot. Remember that in actuality, grunts are quite tall- five foot four on average.
Finally, soldiers/junior officers follow directions. There's no time in an engagement to hold prolonged secondary thoughts- the part about grieving should've been left out, or put in as a remorseful afterthought when back at the HQ, as in: "...sorry that they had had no time to properly mourn...."
Hope that helps. ;-)
|
teemus
4:59 am | December 4, 2003
Ok, cant wait till the next one
|
CoLd BlooDed
4:36 am | December 3, 2003
No, it'll tell you what happens in the beggining of the other stroy.
|
teemus
1:27 am | December 3, 2003
Great story, i was wondering, at the end does he die from the wieght?
|
|