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Comments for 'Eye of the Storm: Sanity's Reqiuem' |
Zeus
6:56 pm | January 31, 2003
Did you copy "Sanity's Requiem" from the game Eternal Darkness?
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el_halo_diablo
11:51 pm | January 28, 2003
i wanna say something...but i have nothing to say other than exactly what Knightmare said: your writing was a bit forced
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Ashur
10:48 pm | January 28, 2003
This is only Part I and it is mostly a descriptive about how the area they are in and a little back history (the reverie where he faints) on the planet and its biological setup. I also never stated that all of the warthogs and scorpions were there, I just stated that the ones he was running to exploded.
Also, he wasn't yelling. He was in front of Master Chief and thats how geeks normally talk, with big words that dont make much sense to the context of what hes saying.
Anyway thank you for the comments. I'll take them into account on Part II
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Knightmare(MM
3:15 pm | January 28, 2003
Writing style seemed a little forced. All in all, very good. Just watch the dialogue, geeks like jonny-boy aren't going to yell vivacious unless that's how they normally speak...
Try to use some humans speech mannerism with him. Also, if three plasma grenades descended into the vehicle camp (you stated there was an entire column of vehicles, right?)
Those grenades really aren't going to do out with an entire camp. . . Unless of course they hit the fuel drums! - :- )
Just a suggestion, you might have the chief take note of the drums at the start of the story, thinking 'If something hits those the entire camp is going to go.' - - 'I should tell somebody to space those out.'
And of course, he faints. Thusly he forgets. Now when the vehicle camp explodes, we know WHY the vehicle camp explodes.
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