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Comments for 'The Seventh Battalion: Chapter Two' |
Pho
5:51 am | July 13, 2004
the various SpecOps groups was a nice touch. looking foward to seeing them in action. absolute badasses of every race on earth.
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Ajax
8:24 pm | July 12, 2004
Hell yeah! Badass movie. How'd you know? Oh wait. The nitro on the Pelican. I'm thinking of doing a parody of teh movie, and if anyone rips off my idea I will personally ensure you never have children. It's gonna be called "Gone In 60 Units: A Grunty Comedy".
Sneak Preview:
Lulu smiled. "What do you think's more exciting? Sucking on foodnipples or stealing cars?"
Jawjaw grinned. "How 'nout sucking on foodnipples while stealing cars..."
*Listen to Linkin Park: Meteora*
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A Pissed Off Clown
3:48 am | July 12, 2004
Really good! I've enjoyed reading all of these and can tell you have skill. I can't wait to read the next one. One question....do you watch Gone In 60 Seconds a lot?
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Ajax
5:27 pm | July 11, 2004
Thanks C.T. and Pho.
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Helljumper
11:38 am | July 11, 2004
Very well written. The off time did get boring. Can't wait to see where this is going.
"Oh, they're great guys, overlooking the fact that they're arrogant, cocky assholes who think that because they're stupid enough to get in an HEV and plummet several thousand feet into a combat zone, their shit don't stink."
Oorah!!!!!!!!
ODST
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Chuckles
8:33 am | July 11, 2004
Goodbye Nylond, hello Clancy :)
I am officially more flattered when you compliment me on my writing :) You have an easy, natural style that can handle several things at once without the "speedbumps". You also add plenty of attitude to keep the reader involved. I can't wait to see you write some action.
I think you would get more comments if you served up smaller chunks. This was nearly 4,000 words--well written words to be sure, but still a lot to get through. You must be a Tom Clancy fan, you certainly write like him--and that is one of the best compliments I can give. Great job.
C.T. Clown
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Ajax
3:48 am | July 11, 2004
Lol. I thought you'd get a kick out of that, Helljumper. Nothing meant by it - I think ODSTs are pretty badass.
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Pho
3:09 am | July 11, 2004
KICK ASS. i re-read the whole story cuz it's freakin good. i like the characters a lot. more depth to them than the average story's.
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Ajax
10:57 pm | July 10, 2004
I mentioned in it that "the terraforming project had rendered the Martian atmosphere breathable", or words to that effect.
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russ687
8:27 pm | July 10, 2004
Not bad. You had good formatting and few mistakes, a good sign that you proof-read.
However, you dragged out the latter half of the story. Try to not to write too much (a little is okay) about their off time.
Also, just a technical quirk: DOes Mars have a thick enough atmosphere for storms of that magnitude? (Also, humans can't breath Mars's atmosphere, were your characters in suits?)
Finally, try not to give too many characters nicknames, it could get confusing. Unless it's your main guy, stick with their normal name, since in dialogue people will most likely refer to them by their real name (unless he never talks to anyone he doesn't know...)
8/10, I'm going to see how this turns out.
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Ajax
8:02 pm | July 10, 2004
SOMEONE PLEASE POST!!
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