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Comments for 'The Tour (part 1)' |
DIspraiser
12:49 pm | March 19, 2003
While angered that you didn't care to add in the [indent] marks (which shows you didn't care) I stillread the fanfic. Sontrary to most fanfics here you added a few too many paragraphs. Places like (not sure this is an exact quote) "The door chimed" don't deserve to be ther own paragraph. Nicely written. I detected a style that you were aiming for, which is one of the goals that your fanfic was trying to have. YOu are making a cryptic "cloak and dagger" bahind the scenes of the war fnafic. I will read the second part...
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Traumatised Marine
4:39 pm | March 18, 2003
We're getting a bit hot-headed aren't we? I apologise if I haven't instantly come into line with your typing pointers, and because I value every person who reads my fic I'm going to try my best to use the [indent]key and keep you happy.
As for the "The Door Chimed" bit having a new line to it's self; that was for dramatic effect, sort of define a change of aura if you will.
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monitor101
1:18 am | March 18, 2003
That was a good start to what looks like a good series!
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Steele
12:40 pm | March 17, 2003
Yes, I like it too...tells the story from a less glamarous viewpoint of war. And it does stand out, the title at least. TOUR!
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gruntkiller
11:24 pm | March 16, 2003
i like it, i like it a lot, great idea about it, in the flood of new stories this one truly stands out, well to me at least. my only suggestion is to put a space between new paragraphs just to help the reader along a little bit.
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