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Comments for 'The Nobody Saga - Ch. 1' |
FOrunnER
9:31 pm | November 28, 2003
Halo: The Flood would probably be the best place to get info on the Covie behavior
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The Listener
8:35 pm | November 28, 2003
THanks for the comments. I do plan on making the covenant more "Covenanty", but with Covenant being my central charetors, it will be hard. Does anyone know of any good fan fiction pieces that show examples of covenant behavior that is not human like?
I appreciate all the comments, thanks for your patience.
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Ajax
6:36 pm | November 28, 2003
I liked it. Everyone's saying that they seem too
human, and in reality that's true. But intelligent life thinks, and there's one basic way to think and talk to each other, and that's the human way. It's really hard to invent their manners in a completely nonhuman way, because human ways are all we know, so give him a break.
That said, there was good characterization. The grunts were funny (give me the beer beetch) and you gave more depth to Jett than most people do with their characters. You do have talent. To work on the human qualities, just try and expand their differences. do more of the "who cut down his tree" kinda stuff.
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Hawk7886
8:03 am | November 28, 2003
Just reading again and I've noticed something. Don't know why I didn't see it earlier.
"You have to see in three dimensions in order to fly in three directions."
"directions" should be "dimensions".
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BlackGhost
6:58 am | November 28, 2003
You do have some really great potential. I throughly enjoyed reading this, but there were a few things I would change. As stated above the Covenant are too human. Also their names are a bit confusing (I at first thought Jett was a human). Other than that it was very good.
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CovieKilla
4:54 am | November 28, 2003
Yeah, I do agree with the other guys...The Covenant are too human, if you turned down the Human a notch, and change some things around this would be pretty damn good. You do have potential...just need to use some of your common sense. (I wasnt trying to be harsh with that statement) Other than that a great story.
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Hawk7886
4:05 am | November 28, 2003
He lost his eye and they make him a pilot? It's called depth perception. You have to see in three dimensions in order to fly in three directions.
I don't agree with the direction you are taking this story. You are making the Covenant wayyyy too human. It would be extremely entertaining if you created personalities that work with the character.
Plus, the Jackels hate the "little gas suckers".
4/10-
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Ishkabibbl
3:18 am | November 28, 2003
Jeff? Right. . . good story, but I don't agree with chess being a human game. It could easily have evolved in a similar fasion in the covenant, who may or may not support intelectual games that challange you to concentrate. (And it could be come simbolic as in a pawn is moved and a squad of grunts is deployed to attack some other squad of grunts on the planet, just an interesting idea there, wink, wink.)
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FOrunnER
1:32 am | November 28, 2003
Obviously you have talent, but heres my problem with the story. You make the Covenant seem to human. Prophets playing chess? Thats a human game. Also, you had the Jackals say things like 'F you man'. That in my mind seems to make them to human. There should be some evidence that there a defferent race. I think you have potential, but I think that you just need to spice things up a bit.
Sorry for bieng harsh, but you said to.
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