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Comments for 'Assualt on Edina' |
monitor101
5:33 am | March 8, 2003
The best book I've ever read besides fallofreach and my second favorite movie I practicly got every line memorized.
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Sarge
5:01 am | March 8, 2003
I own the book which I've read four times and watch movie daily ask KNightmare heh heh.
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monitor101
2:32 am | March 8, 2003
I to own the book which I read twice and the movie which I've seen more than anyone alive and Eversmann is a good name and it's spelled with two N's.
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Steele
11:10 pm | March 7, 2003
I am not obsessed with black hawk down, although I own the book and movie. My middle name is actually Steele. Since it is not really a common name, I decided to use it. The reason I used the name 'Sergeant Eversman' was because I liked the name. My first story was sort of action-overload, but that was just to perk intrest. My second one, reveals the plot and all that happy crappy. I am not a sadistic gore freak. I merely paint a picture in your head. Would you perfer, "John got shot in the head, he died."
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monitor101
10:43 pm | March 7, 2003
dude I need some feed back.
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Traumatised Marine
9:36 am | March 7, 2003
It's always great to see well-written action sequences, and this is definitely ood material. Graphic descriptions are always good, but they are so not to satisfy sadistic gore-freaks, but to convey a sort of 'saving-prifate-ryan' reality.
An important thing to remember when writing about the Marines, in my opinion, is to remember that these are not Spartans. A sane Marine should not want to take on more than a pair of Grunts on his own. (Though this story is plausible enough for me on that front.)
Excellent!
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monitor101
10:34 pm | March 6, 2003
dude your obsessed with black hawk down.
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Sarge
10:00 pm | March 5, 2003
I noticed the Eversman and your name is Steele lol Knightmare I now have someone else to converse with :-)
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Platinum Elite
9:06 pm | March 5, 2003
Not too bad. Keep it up.
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Dback
5:39 pm | March 4, 2003
It's a good story, but really needs some sort of plot.
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monitor101
1:21 am | March 4, 2003
I'm all alone theres no one here beside me no one too deride meeeeeee but you gotta have friends!!!!!!!!!
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janglurevil7
12:35 pm | March 3, 2003
Wow... all I can say is WOW! This was a truely AMAZING story! The part where John has his face turned gory was a little disturbing, what am I saying? It was awesome. But poor, poor Johnny. This could easilybe my favorite story. And you could EASILY become my favorite author, if you keep up the good work. BTW...KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK!
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Arthur Wellesly
12:09 pm | March 3, 2003
This was a pretty good story, quite well written and overall a good read.
The only thing I don't get is what's the story? I didn't get a very clear picture as to what the actual plot is.
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monitor101
4:38 am | March 3, 2003
Stop with the action overload and stick to the plot.
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harley
2:37 am | March 3, 2003
your story didn't have a plot unless you were going for a quick war story I can understand that.
Well anyways the descriptive of your story creeped me out a bit but was really good.(I feel sorry for John.) but yeah I liked it, so keep writing.
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Monitor101
2:21 am | March 3, 2003
Good a good read Sergeant Eversman huh well someones been or reading Black Hawk Down but some slite errors overall 8/10 keep it comin!!
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Nolimits4csk
5:06 pm | March 2, 2003
Brutal, but excellent. Extremely descriptive. That whole "John had his face turned to brain mass and bone fragments" shook me a little bit, but I kept going. Keep more coming!
Descriptions: 10/10
Story: 9/10
Use of Real Marine terms: 9/10
Overall rating: 9.5/10
Nolimits has spoken...
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