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Comments for 'The Martinez Tales, Chapter II, Fun at the Beach' |
Wado
6:20 pm | August 29, 2003
hornet34 basically said what I was thinking, his comments are very good. You do have a great ability at describing a fight scene realistically and definitely have a talent for writing.
The battle did appear very one-sided though. I can't stress enough the importance of adding the element of uncertainty into a story. Sure, massive fire power, veteran troops, and good tactics generally wins the day, but writing about those victories gets old after a while. What about the times when the LAAG jams right in the middle of supression fire and the flanking squad is caught dead between crossfire? What then do the heroes do? Point being that often the most exciting stories are about when things go wrong and don't go by the book. Sometimes tactical losses end up to be strategic victories because the unit losses the field but delays the enemy long enough for V.I.P.s to escape or long enough to distract valuable enemy resources away from another operation of vital strategic importance.
Anyway, keep up the writing, good job.
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hornet34
3:25 pm | August 29, 2003
That's right. This story definitely deserves more of an audience. Your ability to describe a fight scene realistically is very good, although I would like to hear a little more of how the covenant react and fire back. The story's only shortcoming might be its lack of plot. As a pure action story its good, but go into detail about why they are fighting and their progress, as well as their strategy for winning. If you can do that as well as you describe the battle, you will have an epic on your hands. 8.7/10
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The MorningStar
11:40 am | August 29, 2003
But it sucks when you only have one reader, doesn't it?
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The MorningStar
10:51 am | August 27, 2003
I like the path that this story is on. It is a pleasure to read. Please keep them coming.
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