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Comments for 'Gary Young: Chapter 3' |
CoLd BlooDed
1:06 am | May 26, 2004
Really cool, kind of rushed, but otherwise good.
And I agree with Nick Kang, the revealing of his sister should've been described a little better. But I wasn't disappointed, great job Odin!
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Nick Kang
12:30 am | May 25, 2004
Well it was kind of non-descriptive. I mean in the end, it said the lady walked in the room.
"She was also his sister."
I think that was kinda cheesy. Make something like:
"Gary recognized the calm expression on the woman's face. Her face itself was maddeningly familiar, but Gary couldn't quite put his finger on it. Then something in his mind clicked into place: she was his older sister, whom he hadn't seen in almost yaddayadda years."
Other than that, the battle sequences were greatly described and I could almost see and hear the bullets and lpasma flying through the air. And , too, hope Gary becomes an ODST, cause, ya know, they're badass.
NK
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Helljumper
3:07 am | May 24, 2004
Good action but you use Gary too much and it takes away from the flow. What rank is Gary? I hope becomes and ODST. I htink it would take longer than a minute for HEV's to be shot out of a ship and land. i don't know how long but a while from what HaloThe Flood says.
ODST
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DeathSquadTrooper
5:54 pm | May 23, 2004
Nice dude!, i liked the plot, at the moment it was death for Gary there, but nice save for the plot. Keep them coming
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