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Comments for 'Red Vs Blue: New Series' |
Guardian
4:42 am | June 26, 2004
what the hell is what the frick?
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Dave Luck
6:41 pm | June 23, 2004
I hate this crap. No, not just hate. I despise how people don't put in Quotation marks. There are too many fragments.
"Quickly put on his camo." That's not a sentence. That's a Fragment. Who the hell wrote this? And who the hell is defiling the term "Shadow Spartan?"
I may be a newbie, but on my first story I put the code on. The only error I made was that I Spelled "Lose" as "loose" - A common typo that the spellchecker didn't pick up. And I used the PREVIEW button! Wow! A newbie using the PREVIEW button? I think pigs can fly now!
Yeah. Right.
Don't try and knock-off other people's work. Red Vs. Blue was the art of someone else. Don't try and make a spin-off of it that makes the real thing pathetic.
And yes, I agree with the people who have posted here earlier. Take a break, go on vacation, work on it, and at least take the time to put in punctuation and grammar.
It's not as if you are on a tight schedule, where you have to type like this.
itypelikethisgetitgotitidontputanyspacesinorspellwurdscurrectlee.
ShadowSpartan, unless you accept our views and change your ways of spelling and grammar, and also writing, be prepared to get welded into the floor by the flames on your work. (And also, I've got plenty of Acetaline and oxygen fuel left over from last job if those flames don't get you first.)
Remember: A little piece of "Lucky Wisdom"
"You're on your own out there - Don't knock it."
And one more:
"Using profanity just shows that you can't use regular words - Don't knock it."
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white grunt
11:53 am | June 23, 2004
i wonder if rvb guys r going to use halo 2 in rvb seaon 3
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Sean
8:06 pm | June 22, 2004
Oh my god I just read the story. This story does not even have one funny part. What the hell happened?
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Sean
8:02 pm | June 22, 2004
Well I sent it in but I hope it doesn't get posted because I need to work on it alot more.
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LostRock
5:36 pm | June 22, 2004
Next time any of you think about writing a fanfic with the words "Red vs Blue" in the title...
Don't!
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Grandgamer119
5:00 pm | June 22, 2004
I agree. Constructive criticism. You have to make RvB funny, not just lots of swearing. Also, less grammatical errors. But, it's good. Right another one that people can understand, and make it funny, and it will be GREAT.
Here's an example:
Sarge: Donut, take the jeep and go attack the Blue base.
Donut:I can't drive a jeep!
Sarge:Then what the hell are you doing here?
Donut: I am in it for the travel and chance to meet other people.
Sarge:*sigh*
Like that
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Walker
1:32 pm | June 22, 2004
To "give him a break" will make him forget it. Just like with a puppy, you've got to spank him, rub his nose in it, and if he does it again, the same treatment, until he gets it right and quits screwing up.
This insultry is for his own good... I've seen people who flame you back in response, but a writer with true potential will learn from it and steadily get better and better.
Time tested and proved methods, right here on HBO. You don't toss away what gives you success, you stick with it. I hope to see Shadow Spartan writing in the future... just not horrible trash like this.
The best of luck to you, Shadow.
-Walker
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Sentinel
11:31 am | June 22, 2004
Next time THINK before you write about something that discraces something that's good. Don't ever copy any ideas that are known to just about everybody here. Please and nobody will get pissed.
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Nick Kang
11:06 am | June 22, 2004
Unless it's funny or clever, you WILL GET FLAMED!!! Now, I would like to take the time to describe this story in one, simple, RvB sentence.
"Great plan you idiot!"
Oh wait, no, scratch that.
"ROOKIE, SHUT UP, JUST SHUT UP! YOU'RE DRIVING ME CRAZY!"
Thank you.
NK
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BansheeBoy
6:57 am | June 22, 2004
Nearly anyone that writes about RvB is gonna get yelled at. I don't recommend it Sean.
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romac1991
3:30 am | June 22, 2004
geez, give him a break. He was just trying to do something funny.
romac1991
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white grunt
12:57 am | June 22, 2004
whats this story have to do with RVB??and it should be funny..
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343 Salty Beans
12:30 am | June 22, 2004
You need quotes, punctuation, and all that stuff you learned in 3rd grade English. You've made every grammatical mistake learned to man.
Did I mention you killed RvB? And when I say killed, I mean you burned it, smashed it with a shovel, and let it rot in the sun.
Don't ever, ever disgrace RvB. Don't even try to write RvB, for the possibility of disgracing it.
343SB
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Agent Shade
8:49 pm | June 21, 2004
not only did you totally insult Red versus Blue, but you stole the name of one of my stories you fool...who do you think you are? I invented Shadow Spartan! don't ever write here again
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SeverianofUrth
8:22 pm | June 21, 2004
HOW... DARE YOU THINK YOU CAN CAPTURE THE MAGIC OF RvB!!! The sentences are choppy, there is no punctuation, no code, and worse off, you have in a single, non-brillant stroke disgraced yourself and besmirched the name of Red vs Blue.
And Sean, don't attempt a RvB fic.
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Sean
5:02 pm | June 21, 2004
Guys If you want a really funny RvB fanfic just wait. I'm still working on it but it should be done in a bit.
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Shakespeare
3:59 pm | June 21, 2004
Thou hast disgraced the term "newb". Thou art now a n00b. I leave thee to wallow in thy disgrace.
May thy lips rot off!
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Nick Kang
2:33 pm | June 21, 2004
*twitch twitch*
That has got to be the choppiest 'story' to ever hit the site! Why did this get permitted to be on the page?!?!?!?
NK
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atrox
12:50 pm | June 21, 2004
I'm a newbie here, only got 1 story under my belt, but I can say that I took the time make sure it was ready to be published.
To many (simple) sentences.
Doesn't flow.
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BansheeBoy
10:53 am | June 21, 2004
Raaaaargh, BansheeBoy Angry! Wiley right!
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Wiley
9:52 am | June 21, 2004
Don't you EVER discrace RedvsBlue like that again.
Get out.
0/10
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