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Comments for 'Too Close To Home Chapter 1' |
Brockocoli
1:34 pm | February 6, 2004
Its pretty good. moparnismo is right...the halcoy's are old. As for the covenant ship they have the standard plasma cannons, plasma torpedos and light plasma cannons. The bridge on the covenant ship is in the center so dont say anything about it getting hit in the bridge (unless youve used a MAC cannon which is a powerful cannon on HalcyonII's). Youve got a good basic storyline but you should add more covenant. A covenant capitol ship would NOT be doing patrol. You should do a revised copy and post it. You should add a couple of paragraphs with some violence...I know you are just setting up the story but if Llano Kramlee blew away a couple of grunts for insubordination it would be cool. Keep up the good work
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phil451
3:18 pm | February 4, 2004
Thanks moparnismo, I've changed it to a Halcyon II class ship. I know it's a stretch, but hey it's fiction. Hawk, I'm not sure if you're talking about grammar, or length. If it's lenght I've reorganized my story to contain larger chapters. I would like to resubmit a revised chapter one. Can either of you tell me the accepted method for doing this? Should I create a new series and start again or just post a chpt. one (rev.) for this series? Thanks for the comments.
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moparnismo@hotmail.com
8:41 am | February 4, 2004
Just a lil quick bit of info you will probaly see lot the Hlcyon class ships are old and most are out of service. A new one would not be constructed. Refitted like the PoA maybe but nver built.
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Hawk7886
2:48 am | February 4, 2004
You know, a few paragraphs wouldn't hurt.
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