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Comments for 'Hidden Threat: Chapter 2 - Exit Dropship' |
CoLd BlooDed
4:56 pm | February 21, 2004
Yeah, what MCC said, you need to vary the words around, and if you have trouble with that, use a thesaurus.
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MC's Cousin
3:06 pm | February 21, 2004
Well...now that I have more time on my hands I re-read the story (or part of it). I think that you need to use more than one term for 'ships'. I will demonstrate:
A plasma beam lanced across the void between the [ships]. The alloy plating on the UNSC [vessel] glowed orange for a slit second before vaporising. Just as the battle came to a climax a new [craft] entered the confined space around the planet.
I'm rusty so that sounded a little funny, but notice how I used more than one word for 'ships', this is because repetitiveness makes stories not flow. Read your WHOLE story to yourself before you post it. That will give you the opp. to make neccesary corrections.
Signing Off
MCC
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MC's Cousin
2:53 pm | February 20, 2004
Well...I don't have a lot of time today to write so I'll just give a short tip. Take a look at what they look like in the book. Try to use a similar style (don't up front copy, we'll notice, and then we'll call you a POSER). That's all I can say for now.
Signing Off
MCC
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NBD24
1:16 am | February 20, 2004
Could you please elaborate so I can do better in the future?
-NBD24
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MC's Cousin
4:00 pm | February 19, 2004
Sam had been reserected, I am glad. As for the rest of the story: it was a little off. Now as I have said before I LOVE huge ship to ship battles, but how youe described it left a lot to be desired.
Signing Off
MCC
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