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Comments for 'In the Shadows of Darkness' |
Mainevent
12:40 pm | December 21, 2003
Did you read the last section?
Watchmen, Wardens, and Sidewinders are all vehicles in the Forerunner army.
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teemus
10:59 pm | December 20, 2003
It was pretty good. You need to describe whats going on and the vehical and stuff. One more thing, are watchmen like hunters or something?
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Mainevent
6:51 pm | December 20, 2003
Commas, gotcha.
I'll work on that.
I was looking for choppiness as in I skipped from point A to point B in my story without a logical reason as why I did so.
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Mainevent
12:38 pm | December 20, 2003
So Walker, did you think it was choppy?
I'm trying to figure out how to get that so-called choppiness out.
I just didn't see it. But It could just be me.
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Joey Smoey
6:04 am | December 20, 2003
Cool.
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Blue Angel
5:23 am | December 20, 2003
nice story. i say very nice story lad.
tah tah for now.:)
hey did any of you read my stories? if not plz read.
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Jamirus99
2:12 am | December 20, 2003
When I say choppy, it i my fault when I do not specify. I'm a stickler on the commas....and you wnet a bit wrong with them this time. BUT....it's okay. I know you'll do better next time!
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Jamirus99
2:12 am | December 20, 2003
When I say choppy, it is my fault when I do not specify. I'm a stickler on the commas....and you wnet a bit wrong with them this time. BUT....it's okay. I know you'll do better next time!
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Walker
2:03 am | December 20, 2003
Not at all.
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Walker
11:44 pm | December 19, 2003
Please, please do write to your heart's content. It makes ours sing with joy, because nobody can write quite like Mainevent.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Jamirus99
10:36 pm | December 19, 2003
Over-compensation is never a bad thing here. ;-)
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Mainevent
9:09 pm | December 19, 2003
I just reread it to find the mistakes.
I didn't really find it choppy? Could you explain what you mean more clearly?
And I only found one instance where I didn't put the question mark on a sentence that was absolutely a question. There was another, but I never meant him to ask it as a question.
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Mainevent
8:57 pm | December 19, 2003
I described the Watchman in the last chapter.
Sorry for the choppiness, and lack of punctuation.
I was workin on caffein while writing this. The next part'll be better.
More action, more description of the Watchman. Just more overall.
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Jamirus99
8:32 pm | December 19, 2003
Action is fine, as long as you explain it properly. You didn't even describe the "vehicle" he was fighting in.
I'm sure the story's going to be great, but this part wasn't up to your usual par. Choppy, and there was a lack of the end puncuation marks I like to call question marks. Most of your question marks ended in periods.
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Mainevent
8:23 pm | December 19, 2003
Probably in the next batch.
I got two weeks off, so I can write to my heart's content.
The action here is leading up to the next part, which will be ninety percent action.
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Thomas Harper
2:37 pm | December 19, 2003
nice detail but maybe to much and the action started to late. lol. MORE ACTON. lmao. but other than that i liked it. whens ur next one comin?
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