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JJiggssaw
8:20 pm | April 7, 2004
You know, I actually thought about using the word tissue, but I thought I needed something raw, common. I wanted to use, well, not brutal metaphors but something less aloof. Anyway, thnx for your comments.
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Awacar
4:15 pm | April 4, 2004
*Touching*
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Awacar
6:59 am | April 4, 2004
Toughing, deep (why don't I make poems which people can say that about?) and just overall good.
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Flu
4:21 am | April 3, 2004
Here it comes......
Nice. I like the voice, and it has nice free-form rythm. I like the creative use of pauses. And I'm gonna' stop paying so much attention to meter.
But the Kleenex has to go - why, you ask?
The word Kleenex has the wrong imagery for this poem. Though completely helpless in a tornado and appropriately fragile, when people say kleenex they usually think of snot-rag - or something similar. They also think of soothing, soft and comforting - none of which fit this poem.
You could have achieved the same thing with the word tissue, or I like the imagery of the word splinter...
Like a splinter in a tornado
Sounds better - no? And the word splinter has the imagery of something broken, harmful, painful and even helpless or garbage. These fit exactly with the tone of the poem.
Nice work...now go read Cold's story =P
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CoLd BlooDed
3:16 am | April 3, 2004
I liked it, great job, JJigg. Now read my stories. :P
Pretty good message, though, keep it up.
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Some Guy
2:15 am | April 3, 2004
I never seen a kleenex in a tornado, is it cool looking?
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Dark-NiTe
1:03 am | April 3, 2004
Kleenex...lol. Nonetheless a good poem.
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MasterCD
12:34 am | April 3, 2004
'Like a Kleenex in a tornado' - very creative! And the whole angel-halo thing is good too. Two thumbs up!
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