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Comments for 'The Darkness and the Light - Chapter 1:' |
Templar
1:00 am | February 12, 2004
That was a good first chapter Delta, thogh maybe not as an original idea as you might think it to be. I suggest reading up on a book called Chasm City. That aside, what you have now constitutes an exellent begining for what seems to be a promising story. After getting an idea of the caliber of the other stories that are on site, its obvious that this is a cut above the rest. I'm looking forward to chapter two Delta, and I hope you can continue to impress.
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Helljumper
7:32 am | February 11, 2004
Pretty good, excellent reading, on some Tom Clancy type shit
yea this is a Halo fanfic site so tie it in
First to rise, last to fall
Helljumpers do it all
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IAmDelta
12:29 pm | February 10, 2004
You'll see man, you'll see. BACKGROUND. If you care, then read the next chapter.
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Yeti
8:35 am | February 10, 2004
One question: What's this got to do with Halo? The only possible link I can see would be how it's in the future.
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Ajax
4:36 am | February 10, 2004
You've got talent, that's easy to see. Original concept, good character development, interesting reading. If I was to make a suggestion I'd say you need a hook - almost lost me in the beginning with a slow start. If a fan fic doesn't get my attention in the first few paragraphs, usually I say to hell with it and don't read it. The first sentence is good, but the momentum stalls for a bit after that. Give hooks to keep people reading - who is this guy? what's gonna happen? where's he going? - things like that.
That said, this is a much better story than most of the ones here, and for your first try that means good things coming from you. Looking forward to your next ones, Delta.
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IAmDelta
9:24 pm | February 9, 2004
Thank you both (nod and self-conscious smile). I hadn't intended it to be that long but...well thats how long it ended up being (it was actually the max limit for submissions, 30k). Even so, if you guys both made it through, I guess it wasn't too bad. I'm not an author, I've just read a lot so I guess I've ... learned what makes good writing? I'd written some stuff before, but hadn't shown it to anybody. I wasn't sure about submitting this, but now I'm glad I did, and since you liked it I will continue. I can pretty much spit stories out, but revisions take me a while, so expect the next chapter in one or at most two weeks. Should be interesting. As far as I can tell (this hasn't been plotted yet), John's gonna make it out of the Nest, but not quite as he planned...
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Brockocoli
2:57 pm | February 9, 2004
Very good...a little bit stretched as far as halo goes but otherwise it was good. How long have you been writing??? Good detail and scenery. Write more and consider becoming an author maybe (unless you already are one)
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Awacar
2:50 pm | February 9, 2004
Hey Delta, not a bad story. For a first try, it was excellent. You take use of the code, writes descripting and long, this story let me enter the world it takes place in, and thats rare.
Welcome to HBO fanfiction.
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