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Comments for 'The Covenant Weapon--chapter 2 Capture' |
IAmDelta
5:50 am | March 2, 2004
Ok buddy, ok. Not bad. A few things though. I want to know your characters better. I also would like to understand what is going on on this planet in detail. Formatting could also be improved but Jon already hit that. The plot was good but in a couple places borderline boring. You don't need action all the time, but you do need to keep the reader reading. Inaccuracies don't take away from the story, but some people will get on your case about them, so I recommend fixing that too. Other than that, good job, and keep up the good work.
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Jon M
4:47 am | March 1, 2004
Good effort. Whole 'lotta general editing needed, you know, spelling, that sort of thing.
Let's talk about what happens when characters in a story speak. Here's what happens: a new paragraph begins. Unless you're starting a whole new trend in Western Civilization, start a new paragraph when a different character says something.
Plot-wise I have to point out something about the end. Having the antagonist reveal his grand plot to the hero he is about to kill is sort of 1960's cartoonish. As in..."Since you are about to die, Space Ghost, I will tell you about how I plan to use the ray-mo-tron-omatic to kill your meddling teenage frinds and take over the galaxy!"
*laughs menacingly* "Muaha-ha...Muaha-ha-ha-ha"
Keep writing. That's how it works.
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Nick Kang
9:49 pm | February 29, 2004
I think they aren'e givin any feedback cause this is the 2nd page. Ill give some though.
Yeah, it is innacurate, but overrall its a good story. Kepp up the good work.
NK
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Halo_2204
2:10 am | February 29, 2004
Come on guys, I know the story is inaccurate, but give me some feedback. I want to continue the story, but with feedback.
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