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Comments for 'HALO: A New War of Old Enemies Chap. 2 - First Contact?' |
Hikaru-119
12:54 pm | January 11, 2003
Very good story. Old ship, new name, and familiar numbers/names. Keep up your work and do alittle character development to add more flavor to the story.
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Xzilen
12:20 pm | December 31, 2002
I've read it, look back at my comments in the first one
NOW HURRY UP :)
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Wado
6:22 am | December 30, 2002
Old ship huh, that's exactly how I pictured it :)
UPDI? Can't wait even though I don't know what that stands for.
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Jeff Graham
4:09 am | December 30, 2002
Well if you read this. The reason she heard it is beacuse of video nock out, but the ships all have Holo systems. The ship was old. Just wait, all will be explained in chap 3, UNSC will meet the UPDI! Yay.
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Wado
11:51 pm | December 29, 2002
Well, nice interactions and dialog. I like your descriptions of what people do like the spinning around in the chair and pointing fingers, very nicely done. I would say that I am looking forward to reading the next one.
The negative feedback from me is that (like Berconius said) the story is a bit confusing. Maybe add some descriptive transition paragraphs when switching settings, slow down a bit and try not to rush the story, let it develop and flow. The grammar could be improved if you have the time to do so also.
As for the story, you have talent and please keep going, the actual story line right now is a bit too 21st century for my liking with people running around to get places (at least give them a scooter...lol) and listening to pulse laser fire instead of having holo readouts. I'm not complaining, just trying to give some constructive feedback.
Keep up the great work.
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Berconius
2:59 pm | December 28, 2002
Very hard to follow, your storyteling sends my head in loops. You didn't describe any of the characters or the setting or the newly formed team. This is a nice story but your telling of it should be polishied up.
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Jeff Graham
2:53 am | December 28, 2002
Sorry about the double post, bad connection.
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Jeff Graham
2:46 am | December 28, 2002
The first one is on page 3, but I think people forgot about this series.:(
I'm currently on chapter 3, this one will answer questions and bring about new ones about the UPDI and how they fit into the mix.
How many of you read this story?
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Jeff Graham
2:46 am | December 28, 2002
The first one is on page 3, but I think people forgot about this series.:(
I'm currently on chapter 3, this one will answer questions and bring about new ones about the UPDI and how they fit into the mix.
How many of you actually read this story?
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Xzilen
4:27 am | December 27, 2002
Amazing... Simply amazing.
Hurry with the next one!
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SnakeSolid
12:01 am | November 30, -0001
Stick with one tense stupidz0rzz!!!!111one
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