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Comments for 'The Spartans Five-Prologue' |
Chuckles
12:30 pm | July 22, 2004
You didn't repeat words that much. And I can tell you are being more careful. Good work.
C.T. Clown
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Jessica
12:00 pm | July 22, 2004
Good Job! ^.^
Jess
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Gold Elite
11:38 am | July 22, 2004
Thanks, everyone. And Chuckles, that is one of the things I worry about most, repeating words. Before editing, almost every word was the same. "He ran the ran up the running ran of the ramn thing."
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Chuckles
6:18 am | July 22, 2004
It is an improvement on your former series. Your writing is a little choppy, but the more you write, the more that will smooth itself out. You aren't afraid of action sequences, and it is good to see that you give your characters attitude.
Try not to repeat the same words too close to eachother, like you did with "column" at the beginning of your story. If you have to mention the same thing in succession, take some time to think of a different word for it. That's the sort of thing that distracts a reader from your story.
You keep getting better, Gold, so keep writing. I'm interested to see where your plot goes from here.
C.T. Clown
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Slayer Boi
5:49 am | July 22, 2004
Well, i liked it. i thought it was really good. i look forward tomore of this series
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Gold Elite
9:45 pm | July 21, 2004
The Grunt thing is something I told my friend, Joe, when I was teaching him to play. They basically care the same equipment, their weapons cause the same amount of damage, but they die easier, so it's safe to think they have to go first. And sorry about the confusion.
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Dark Spartan
1:24 pm | July 21, 2004
I got a little confused when you went back on the time period. I hadn't recognized all the names yet and it seemed as though you were talking about totally different people and you messed up the time. It didn't become clear until the captian came on the intercom again. Need to make sure we know what your
talking about. " Every Grunt is a potential Elite"
hmmm. Was this a quick chess memory or does it actually lead to some importance in the story? Hmmm.
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