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Comments for 'Spartan III's, Part III' |
ONI_operative_343
8:56 pm | September 18, 2003
jake, right? awesome story!
the only thing i have to say is that i agree with gruntkiller on the longsword... but thats the only thing in your story i didnt like. ive read all the others in spartan IIIs and i hope my series can be half as good. thankx for the advice and praise about my stories; i hope to keep em comin. and i hope u continue these stories, too!
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FOrunnER
2:13 pm | September 5, 2003
Thanks guys. I really did spend alot of time editing and it payed off. To Gruntkiller, Yeah, the Longswords are heavy combat, but the Reapers are really powerful. Second, this is actually my second series, but my first really sucked. To Hornet, yep, Jake Lanatti's my name, dont wear it out. And you should be seeing sea battles soon, most likely in the fifth or sixth installment. Peace Out.
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gruntkiller
4:51 pm | September 4, 2003
very good, one of the better peics ive read, my only real thought is that the longsword semmed to be pretty weak, i mean these things are built for heavy combat so one shot would seem pretty unlikely to destroy it, but then again, if the engine exploded that changes some stuff. its not entirly inovative but for just starting out (im assuming this is oyure first series) its very good
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Alpha Lance
11:00 am | September 4, 2003
Toriens right.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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hornet34
4:46 am | September 4, 2003
Well, I just got done with reading the series, and as I saw you fix a lot of the things I was going to comment as you wrote each new chapter, I am going to be especially hard on you now. (Just kidding)
First, I usually take Dispraiser's stance that the Master Chief is best left alone. Like he says, "I don't want to write anything that Bungie could later disprove" (Dispraiser, you want some kind of royalty for me reusing your quotes so much? LOL). But I'm making an exception on this one, because I really like the story and I don't want anything to change.
Second, there were times you put in two many words. Meaning, you wrote "After a brief lapse of five seconds..." In this case, I think "After a brief lapse..." would be sufficent.
That really covers everything I found wrong with the story, so now to the good stuff.
Ease of Reading. You must have spent massive time editing, and it makes a huge difference. While normally I'm forced to sift through gramatical errors and misspells, your's was a pleasant break from that.
New weapons. OK, the flamethrower isn't really new. But the sniper rifles (UNSC and Covenant) were cool.
So I am just waiting for the next chapter, and I hope to see the water battles soon. Keep up the good work, Jake Lanatti.
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Mainevent
1:08 am | September 4, 2003
Good story.
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FOrunnER
12:41 am | September 4, 2003
Nope. I wouldn't make it that easy. Its spelled backwards and Ittanal, wich would spell Lanatti backwards, is my last name. My first is still a mystery.
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FOrunnER
12:41 am | September 4, 2003
Nope. I'll give you a hint. It's spelled backwards.
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$$$
12:41 am | September 4, 2003
$$$
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Alpha Lance
12:16 am | September 4, 2003
Ittanal
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FOrunnER
12:07 am | September 4, 2003
Nope.
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FOrunnER
1:03 pm | September 3, 2003
Thanks guys. Sorry it took so long but I was trying to come up with something original so my sereis wouldn't be just another face in the crowd. I found something, and I'll put it in Part IV, I'll give you a hint, it has to do with the origin of the Brutes.
Oh and one other thing. I hid a little 'easter egg' in my storie, it reveals my first name. You can try to find it if you want to. Peace Out.
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Walker
2:26 am | September 3, 2003
Very good, FOrunnER. You're getting even better. Can't wait for the next one, and the only suggestion I can make is that you send the paper to someone and have them proofread it or do it yourself, because there were a few grammar mistakes. Other than that, though, it was just simply perfect. Can't wait for the next one; this was a 10/10.
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Alpha Lance
12:14 am | September 3, 2003
that was GGGRRRREEEAAAAT! 10/10 Keep them flowing FOrunnER.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Brendan Harther
2:20 pm | September 2, 2003
I like it a lot FOrunnER. All three parts were excellent. When are you making the next one?
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