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Comments for 'New Lunar HQ: Chapter 2' |
master chief*117
11:05 pm | October 31, 2003
yo i just read your second chapter its way better than the first one dude if you read this tell me how to write a story ill wait a few minutes bye
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Fleet Admiral
1:37 am | August 19, 2003
Thanks for the advice Jinkaiden-XI. I'll try to do that.
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Fleet Admiral
11:04 am | August 17, 2003
Your Welcome. That is why I wrote it.
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Fleet Admiral
11:04 am | August 17, 2003
Your welcome. That is why I wrote this.
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Jinkaiden-XI
12:48 am | August 17, 2003
Good, but overall it was hard to follow the dialogue because you put each sentence of dialogue right after the other.
Normally, it helps if the dialogue sequences are written like this:
Commander Jones stepped forward. "Set course for Reach."
"Reach, confirmed," replied the pilot. He entered the coordinates and took the controls once more.
"Commander Jones, we're receiving a communication signal."
The Commander responded, "Very well. Accept."
"Yes, sir."
This just makes it easier to follow. Don't change anything about the story, just try and change the format. This makes it so much better.
Otherwise, great.
Jinkaiden-XI
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monitor101
9:50 pm | August 16, 2003
Really awesome Fleet there were some spelling mistakes but overall awesome I love ship-to-ship combat! 10/10
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Fleet Admiral
4:46 pm | August 15, 2003
Your Welcome.
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commander lauber
4:19 pm | August 15, 2003
Great I was glad that im in it. Thanks hope to see more great work from you.
Signed,
Commander Lauber
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