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Comments for 'Halo: Reunion from Destruction Part 2 of 5' |
Wado
5:12 pm | February 27, 2003
Nice, the story is coming along nicely. First you introduced the Forerunners last part and this part you have the Master Chief, humans, and the Covenant. It's beginning to feel like an epic.
The grammar was good as usual and this time I didn't see an spelling errors either.
Again, I recommend putting yourself in the position of the story characters and thinking about things a bit more. Two things bothered me, one was the question of what the MC ate for 38 years while in the Longsword and not in cryo. I suggest adding elements like saying (a) he was in cryo but it malfunctioned, or (b) they had some kind of food synthesizer that Cortana created, or (c) the Longsword had an unsually large supply of food and other supplies on it like someone had planned ahead of time to use it for an escape from Halo. The other thing was to call Cortana a simple AI would be insulting to her, if anything she is the most advanced AI that the humans ever created. I would have thought she might have either gone into a sleep mode to pass the time or come up with some hobby like mapping and categorizing all the stars in the galaxy.
Anyway, your writing is pretty good, please continue this series.
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