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Comments for 'Starjacked Part 1' |
fastdilly
1:30 pm | November 23, 2003
halo is da bomb
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Dispraiser
8:24 pm | January 9, 2003
But you need to tell me at least on bad thing if you want me to read part three of your story (the more the better). So point out as many bad things as you can. The little nit pickety things, the big things, the formatting, whatever.
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Dispraiser
8:03 pm | January 9, 2003
Just returning the favor. Anyone who reads mine deserves to have their fanfics read.
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Demosthenes
7:21 pm | January 9, 2003
Also I wanted you to read my story because from what you've posted I can clearly see you are a very intellegent person. also I can clearly see you are a born writer. Two, it was my first fan fic story and I wanted to know what people think. Thanks for actually reading mine.I didn't really think you would.
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Demosthenes
7:16 pm | January 9, 2003
I like that you are being honest. But I understand what you mean. I like how you know so many quotes thats cool in a person.It can make you wise to know alot of quotes. As for bad parts in your story there aren't really that i can name, But i'll re-read it and write down bad parts I find.
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Dispraiser
4:52 am | January 9, 2003
Zealot from starcraft? No. Zealot is a real word. Look it up. It means, one who has plentiful zeal. And Zeal means fantical devotion to a cause. This is the one quote that applies to three quaters the fnafics here that are unoriginal, uninspired and, unhappily, suck. "You've got to write because no one has said before what you want to say..." Without taht, EVERY SINGLE STORY HERE WOULD BE THE EXACT SAME THING. They would be anoother side story for master cheif that seems out of place in the middle of a covenat war. People screw around with poor MC too much. If my stories begin and I see even the slightest ammount of repeating, for example if I were to copy your story in different words, I would immediatly delete it. I do not deal with reapeating things, it is like a damn rerun... ANd how could you like that I took the name from starcraft? One, I have never played Starcraft, I hate the game, two, you would hate it if I stole it. Sorry if I sound harsh, but that was not a ligintimate peice of reveiws of my story. Now that I have posted a reply to your fanfic (which was clearly the purpose of your meaningless appeasment to attmept to get me to read your fanfic) post a ligit reply to this one, and tell me that bad parts. You don't need to be nice to me, you need to be brutally honest.
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Dispraiser
4:52 am | January 9, 2003
I read it, the part where they are in a chain of killing as the comedy part, right? Well, all stories need a little comedy... I try to stick some in... The first on, I put in a few instances, though they are a little more subltle, in Taking Tritus I put in a little scandal, and if you were reading lightly you might not have caught, and in this one I threw in a few tiny parts, nothing too major, but I threw in George Bush's name inthe list of heroes (I doubt he will be rmemebered among people like Alexander the Great and stuff... But they might be a few time zones different from you, and taht is the problem... Who knows. Yeah, but I read your story and I though I posted a comment...
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Demosthenes
1:29 am | January 9, 2003
the clocks are all wrong. It says the 9th but it's the eighth when im posting this. how odd
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Demosthenes
1:12 am | January 9, 2003
Have you read my fan-fic story (5-way war) It's my first one, but it's pretty good. The comedy part is pretty stupid, but it gets MUCH MUCH MORE SERIOUS AND BETTER!!! TRUST ME!!!! post a comment on the thing if you ever do.Thanks ^_^
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Demosthenes
1:12 am | January 9, 2003
That was really good. But gruntkiller is right that was WAY TO LONG!!! Also, I like how you got the name Zealot from the PC game Star Craft. But that was still pretty neat. I also like how it was so detailed. That was really well described.
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Dispraiser
1:48 am | January 6, 2003
Besides that, this story takes place a little over five years before Halo, and 3 years before the main body of my story. I can assure you (because reach is the basis of the UNSC military) that MC had state of the art weapons on Halo, and in the original Lunar 4 story also stated taht Lunar 4 was behind in it's weapons...
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gruntkiller
8:14 pm | January 5, 2003
good to see that it had a reason and just wasn't there because you didn't know the names of the weapons
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gruntkiller
12:49 pm | January 5, 2003
it was good it would have a lot more readers if it was shorter(i can't belive i just said that) i mean not that manypeople are willing to sit down and read one story for that long a period of time. i got one question why don't you just use the weapons of the time instead of remade anchient weapons,(it was fine at first but then it got a little annoying) if you need a list here ya go
MD6 pistol
MA5b assualt rifle
M90 shotgun
your little thing about goerge bush was slightly funny to me becuase up here in the north (Canada) we have a lot of jokes making fun of him, (he's not exactly the best person for the job.) but other then that it was a good story
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Dispraiser
6:04 am | January 5, 2003
I write more of the story, and I remembered something. Why I had put in the modern colt. Everything I ever say, or do in any of my stories has a reason, the names of everything, like Stelullate and stuff, they all have meanings. And my stories general meaning, is harrowing heroics. This one was anotehr extention of it, and I hoped by taking a noncombatant and turning them into a hero I would show that the gneral populace of halo is indeed, willing to fight and die for even a small victory, this time the stelullate 42 (42? Why? The meaning of life...). I figured that most civilians wouldn't be packing heat as large as an assualt rifle, maybe a pistol at most. But I wanted to make this person into someone who didn't want to fight, so he wasn't carrying a gun to kill something, but instead (the colt) as a decortive peice, like how some people (the rich excentric ones...) display knights armor, I mean they aren't going to go and slay a dragon or conquer their neigbors hous, it has almost no reason. The colt however was not your average cowboy six shooter. It was a modern model, and basically a berretta (it's replacement a little later on) with a slot for the six chambers. I can't believe I remembered that...
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Dispraiser
5:30 am | January 5, 2003
Thanks, I tried on this one. I killed the colt quickly. I had a reason. I don't know how far I submitted in this (I have most of the story written up, posting part two as we speak). BUt the bush thing (I am a fan of his administation, but expect him to be no legend) was just a tie in. But Kelly is not a Spartan (I like that idea though... Might find some way to stick it in...)... I like that though... BUt she is not who she seems. More about the zealots is explained later in the story. Loose ends are tied, and new ones are opened. But gruntkiller, you areright, it is a little to long, but that's just how I write. I have a page and a half hand to hand combat fight later on in the story, and a 69 page story that I wrote... I would change it if I could, but... Well...
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Knightmare(MM
10:09 am | January 4, 2003
Very good, very good. Now... might that 'Kelly' Zealot be a Spartan? OR might all the Zealots be Spartan rejects or something..? Heheheh.
You'd be stupid to answer that here, I know. That's just my theory.
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