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Comments for 'Stranded at Home Part 5' |
monitor101
6:27 pm | August 23, 2003
Oh ok and hunter didn't hawk leave?
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Dispraiser
4:28 pm | August 23, 2003
Yeah, this was my second fanfic, it got pushed out of the way by some later ones (Taking Tritus, ect) and it has gotten small ammounts of work done for long periods of time. The plan in this fanfic has changed a lot since then...
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Arthur Wellesly
12:52 pm | August 23, 2003
The first of this series was posted well over a year ago (I've only recently gone back to read them all with the submission of this story). I had some complaints about the first story, but it would be pointless to comment on that now, as you seem to have been able to overcome these errors yourself. It is definitely pretty cool to see how you're writing style improves with each entry, to climax in this most excellent story.
My only complaint/advice about this particular story would be (it may seem a little trivial) you need to split some very large paragraphs into smaller ones. There are several times when you should have, but the paragraph continued on. Also, I noticed some run-on sentences. The first sentence would be a good example:
"The ship was damaged, almost split in half and didn't fire any plasma torpedoes to our great luck, it probably couldn't".
You either need to clarify it with more words or use a period somewhere.
Again, fairly trivial in the face of such a great story. I always do love a nice struggle of Marines against Covenant with no super-hero MC involved... at least not yet, anyway... :)
Keep up the good work.
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Hunter_Killer
11:38 am | August 23, 2003
10/10. Watch out for Hawk8776, he'll tell you you suck no matter what you do, he's a goddam fuckin asshole. =)
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Dispraiser
4:12 am | August 23, 2003
Because it dies at a set time, 2548. Most of my fanfics take place ten or fifteen years before that. This particular fanfic takes place on December 24, 2548, the day before the planet was lost.
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monitor101
8:00 pm | August 22, 2003
Good read Dispraiser but if the planet already died then why do you keep on using it?
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Dispraiser
6:32 pm | August 22, 2003
Nope. The planet has already died in loads of my fanfics, including my first.
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Ishkabibbl
4:42 pm | August 22, 2003
Gettin sick of Lunar 4 eh?
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