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Comments for 'Battle for Nagidrac System: Part 1 - Section 2' |
teemus
6:11 am | March 6, 2004
Or hes spending all of his time on coming up with another lame come back.
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CoLd BlooDed
2:57 am | March 6, 2004
He's still trying to think of a better way to become an asshole.
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Awacar
1:48 pm | March 5, 2004
*Sniff, sniff* I don't feel the scent of manure anymore. Is it possible that Bullsh... umm... eye... BullsEye is gone?
Haven't seen much of him, lately.
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Sage Scorpion
12:42 pm | March 4, 2004
Damn, I'm out of it for a few days (writing my new fanfic), and you've already been even MORE of an ass, BullsEye? Damn dude, you don't sleep. Is it a 24/7 deal, or is it something in your water? And you didn't believe me. I told you this would happen, but you ignored the warning and kept it going. You've now gotten to the point that whatever you post, wherever, someone will flame the shit out of you. You could have stopped it. And you still can now. Just apologize for acting the ass, and say you'll take this advice to heart. It's your choice.
But now I'm going to try to talk to you about your story, without insulting. Real constructive-like. While you DO obtain a creative change license when you write fan fiction, you still have to follow the laws of common sense, possibility, and reality. Could a warthog powerslide kill 4 hunters at once? I think not. Would an elite infantryman become a space commander? No. Read "Halo: The Fall of Reach", by Eric Nylund. That's basically a required read for fan fiction. Work on your verb tenses, and the entire tense of the story needs redoing. Past tense 3rd person is probably the best for Halo fanfics, but if you can make something else work, then fine. Endings and synonyms, such as their, there, and they're need work as well. Run it by a spell check first, and get someone to proofread it for you. More character development is needed, and a MUCH better plot and direction. Let's see, what else... Oh, yeah, Fig, dump BullsEye and get someone better to help you write. This series could actually have potential if you reworked it. Rewrite it and rerelease it and you MIGHT have a shot at making a good one. But no BullsEye. He's a detriment to your team, because he can't take any criticism, and he will snap at people and act immaturely again. If you don't get away from him, then everyone will forever associate you with that little punk asshole.
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CoLd BlooDed
3:53 pm | March 3, 2004
See, Bull? I can have many other FF writers on your ass in a second.
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Awacar
1:50 pm | March 3, 2004
Fig, I'm a little (tiny, tiny) bit soryy that I wrote your name in the previous comment, but please, don't try to attack your commenters. You can get a good writer I think, but then get a little more friendly to advisorers, and leave that BullsEye behind, it's not much hope for him sighted among the stars.
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Awacar
1:50 pm | March 3, 2004
Hey, guys, These writers (BullsEye and Fig) obviously can't even write a simple reply. "..such a gay story..."... doesn't that tell everything? These guys didn't have the best starting kit in life, I think. Pity, pity, pity.
I Like when they're cannot reply saying "ok, it was bad, but we'll try to approve it. BTW, we would appreciate advises along the way to our next story." and instead replies saing that CoLd sucks as a writer when they don't seem to get out of third grade. Some kind of irony in it.
And, they don't seem to become better writers unless changing this attitude, (my "magic mirror" told me so) they cannot await many positive or friendly comments later on. A slight, but rightful punishment, or or very sad for them, You decide.
Yeah, BullsEye and Fig, rest assured that you're not wanted here. Prepare to face some flaming with this attitude.
Now, shoo shoo.
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teemus
3:00 am | March 3, 2004
Yo, kid! Stop fuckin trying to burn Cold back. Everytime you just give us to get you back with. Like he said, read some of his REAL stories.
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CoLd BlooDed
2:51 am | March 3, 2004
Hey everyone, I just read BullsEye's and Fig's story, let me make it clear. Guess what I'm going to say?
That it sucked, majorly, and Fig, you had the nerve to say that my story was the worse thing you've ever seen? LMFAO!
Don't talk, kid, cause you obviously need to learn to write and not lose your temper over criticism.
Do us a favor, and stop replying.
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Rags
2:50 am | March 3, 2004
GET A FUCKING CLUE!
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CoLd BlooDed
2:28 am | March 3, 2004
Listen you stupid fucks, unless you looked for my name under "cold_blooded" then you did not really get to see my other stories. You guys are the stupidest kids I've seen in a while. First of all, when you reply and still give something for the other flamers to insult you with, your marked a punkass shit who doesn't have a clue. You guys should learn to write you stupid fucks, your writing is shit.
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BullsEye
1:47 am | March 3, 2004
hey every one, ive read CoLd BlooDed's story.
let me make this perfectly clear.
IT SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ya know, i used to think that no one could make such a gay story but he proved me wrong
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Fig
1:41 am | March 3, 2004
BullsEye has beaten the whole game on Legendary.
I've seen it
He is really good
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Fig
1:39 am | March 3, 2004
Cold Blooded I just read your story
It is worse than anything i have ever seen
U are just using the game to write your story
Saying 'from the book' and 'like in assault on the control room' is a lousy way to write a story
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teemus
12:20 pm | March 2, 2004
I agree to, if you cant write your self then dont go and rip on other peoples storys. Got that?
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Helljumper
8:59 pm | March 1, 2004
funny shit but i agree with CoLd and sage
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CoLd BlooDed
3:53 pm | March 1, 2004
Thanks for the support, SaGe. ;P
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CoLd BlooDed
12:40 pm | March 1, 2004
I've beaten the game (on xbox) on every single difficulty, yep, I'm just the |337. :P
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Jon M
12:33 pm | March 1, 2004
I finished Legendary....Cheating my ass off somewhere beginning in AotCR. I can admit it. I can only finish the game on normal, but I do multiplayer. It's a different world. It's surprising how much fun the flood can be when you have infinite rockets....and you can never shoot 343 enough times to kill him...but he does ask you to put your weapon away in a couple of annoying ways. I personally don't see how a normal human can do Legendary.
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Sage Scorpion
5:30 am | March 1, 2004
Yeah, and Jon, Legendary is not so terribly hard. Heroic is glaringly easy, but more fun. Legendary is the "rubbing-lemon-juice-on-an-open-heart-surgery-incision-while-performing-an-opthamology-with-rusty-corroded-scissors" kind of fun. And Bulls Eye apparently has NOT played it on Legendary, as he would know that each Elite is like God's Own Hand, reaching down to smite you off of the face of the galaxy without leaving a grease smear.
But, I must admit, the first time I went through the whole game on Legendary, it was on Co-op, with a friend.
SO, BullsEye, you little hemmorhoid with legs, stop shitting yourself. It's quite obvious that you are just trying to look big, and I'm secure enough in my Halo skills to say that Legendary is HARD. No one can ever truthfully say that Legendary is easy, or use that word to describe any aspect of Legendary. So no, just stop it. There is nothing that you can say or do, short of preordering Halo 2 for all of us, that could redeem your standing with any of us.
And for you to go and rip on CoLd (whom I believe to be a very capable author) when your story is possibly the single most desecrating fanfic ever to be written, that took some nerve, and some serious absence of organs of the testicular variety. You little snot nosed punkass.
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Sage Scorpion
4:57 am | March 1, 2004
Hey Bulls Eye. Fuck you. (Giving you the finger while violating your mother with a pool cue)
Yeah, you crossed a line there pal. You NEVER try to snap back at the commentators on your fanfic. Why? Because if we're commenting, then that means that we read it. And the whole point of a fanfic is for it to be read. So if you snap at us, and try to defend yourself, and look all big and tough, when we're trying to be constructive, you're gonna get some pissed off HBO veterans.
If you look at the change in tone of the posts before, and after your immature little "(Giving you the finger)" thing, you'll notice it. Earlier, before you were a bitch, we were trying to be helpful and constructive, and now, we're just insulting you.
So basically this is just gonna come down to a flame war, which you can't possibly hope to win. You're, from the looks of it, between the 10-13 demographic, and you're intelligent vocabulary can't be much higher than the basics: shit, fuck, damn, ass, cock, bitch, and bastard. Once you graduate middle school, you'll find that a whole new world of intelligent insults opens to you.
So think about this: Earlier, I said that the "bridge" never got underway because the Mexicans left. It turns out that they left because they were all on their way to score with your whore of a mother, who was loaded after 17 shots of tequila, as happened on the night of your conception. So, as it turns out, you could be the bastard son of any number of hundreds of Mexican men who nailed your mom that night, or any of the vegetables that were used during the process. Have fun breaking the news to your dad. And tell your mom that I'm gonna need my one and only "Red vs. Blue" T-shirt back from her, as well as that ball gag that she wanted so bad (rooowrr). But priority on the shirt, it's a "Simmons" one.
Semper Fi, bitch.
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CoLd BlooDed
4:09 am | March 1, 2004
And you really had the guts to say that my story sucked, I laugh in pity, my friend, as I wouldn't talk if I were you. I was trying to give you some GODDAMN constructive critism.
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CoLd BlooDed
4:09 am | March 1, 2004
Oh, and BullsEye...
BullsEye
1:12 AM | February 29, 2004
your story SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
you sed my story was just action. that was section 2. did you read section 1 dum ass!! that's ware the story is.
it's better than your story. your story sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
and I read the 1st part. unlike SOME people
FOrunnER has got to be the least origonal name ive ever seen. and it's olmost as gay as your other names.
I replied, but ever think that I read the first section and didn't comment? This is where I start to get angry, so while I am mad, I'm going to tell you to shut the fuck up and stop writing, if you have this kind of attitude you don't deserve to be writing on HBO, so get a life and get lost.
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CoLd BlooDed
4:09 am | March 1, 2004
Rumors? What rumors?
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Jon M
2:46 am | March 1, 2004
Thus perpetuating the rumor that you are not, in fact, a NORMAL human. ;P
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CoLd BlooDed
11:48 pm | February 29, 2004
Seriously, you punks really do act like elementary students. Fan Fiction is supposed to be accurate, that's what makes it better, not pieces of crap writing like this. Get better, make it work with the Halo universe, and maybe you should REALLY play Halo on Legendary and stop saying you did, remember, Legendary starts with an "L", not "E".
(By the way, I'm giving you the finger.)
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MC's Cousin
10:32 pm | February 29, 2004
You know...well it's...how should I...oh what the heck. Not very good. And that last little comment BullsEye, it really made you look like someone who says they play Halo, says theve beaten Halo on Legendary, but hasn't, never will, and needs to suck a nut before they right like that again. I'm sorry, usually I don't like to be like this. But...no...just no dudes. That "bridge" as I would probably have said, no it doens't go anywhere. You had better believe that you need to know about Halo to write fan fiction. I don't care if its an alternate anything, you had better read the books and at least play the game.
You were definetely treating your Mexicans wrongly, if even they all left. Not good at all. I mean I guess I can't be that mean, because I have written like this before. But I passed third grade a long time ago. You guys act and sound like elementary schoolers who got excited over hearing some high schoolers (prob. siblings) talk about Halo, or maybe you even saw the brief vid off of Brute Force. But before you guys write like that again, you need to run it by someone who knows there stuff. Both Halo and writing tech.
And I don't care what you say about Legendary on Halo. 300 Elites would kick the armor off of 12 SPARTANS. Keck. You can get your shields drained by one on Halo if your not careful. Legendary Elites are definetely a match for a SPARTAN. Please, do us all a favor and work on your skills before doing somethign like this. But thanks. For not wasting room in HBO FF by posting twelve different storied of the same series at one time.
Signing Off
MCC
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Anonymous
6:24 pm | February 29, 2004
Well at least they didn't spam the fanfic section with the entire series like the writers did with Croton Croncles.
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Jon M
4:23 pm | February 29, 2004
OMG. Sage Scorpion, that was funny. That was probably the worst line in the story. You tell your buddies, "it was the worst frag ever," but what you write is how the people saw, heard, smelled, and felt about it.
I can basically repeat my comments that I had for part one. You're not a shit writer, but your descriptions are ad hoc, the characterization is missing and, in the end, its all just this happened, then this, then this, then this. Lawyers like to read transcripts like that...not readers of fiction.
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BullsEye
3:29 pm | February 29, 2004
hey, sage scorpian, ive beten every level on legendary. the elites aren't that hard. u just suck
(by the way, im giving you the finger)
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Fig
1:34 pm | February 29, 2004
PLus this is Fan Fiction
It doesn't have to be accurate
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Fig
1:30 pm | February 29, 2004
there is more to the story
It is only part one of three
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Sage Scorpion
7:41 am | February 29, 2004
Face it, you two (BullsEye and Fig), you can't write. Period.
"And the ship spun to the ground creating the biggest frag ever." That's just total shit right there. It's some of the worst writing I've ever seen.
You also say that there were over 40,000 Covenant troops in the area, and there is NO way only 12 SPARTANs could handle that, all at once. They couldn't even handle those 300 Elites that you said came charging over the hill. Keep in mind that Elites are just about as capable as SPARTANs are, if not more so. Play the game on Legendary, and then you'll see what I'm talking about.
Also, your grammar, sentence structure, punctuation, dialogue, action, storyline, plot, theme, and overall feel suck. Basically, your whole story sucks. If I were you, I'd get together, via physical meeting or chat room, with your story writing partner, and totally revamp your series here. Also, taking (and PASSING) 5th grade English would be a major plus.
But please, do us all a favor, and stop writing if you can't write better than this. That's not meant to be an insult, you're just not cut out to be writers. You can claim to be poor in English class, but if you are, why write a fanfic story? You should work more to your strengths, and from these stories, it looks like writing isn't one of them.
As MC's Cousin would say, the "bridge" got nowhere, because all of the Mexican migrant workers went on strike and left.
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BullsEye
1:00 am | February 29, 2004
hey people. read the 1st part of this storry. this is the 2nd part of this story. if you read section 1 befor section 2 the story is alot better.
so basicly, read part 1 section 2
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CoLd BlooDed
5:08 pm | February 28, 2004
It was kinda inaccurate, and if it is a series, you're going to have to put alot more story behind it. Not just action.
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Anonymous
3:00 pm | February 28, 2004
it has a bad beginng and there is only some action it sucks.0 out of 10
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