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Comments for 'Halo Trilogy: A Soul to Remember ( Chapter III )' |
Jinkaiden-XI
10:37 pm | September 10, 2003
Sergeant B, you seem like you demand respect from people you apparently have no respect for.
Alpha lance, the series is great and I'm enjoying it, and I don't mind the spelling mistakes. However, I must say that it is a little unclear at points. Not to say that you're terrible, but I'm glad to hear you'll work harder. I love it when people do better because of some help...
Sergeant B, your comment was unnecessary and highly pathetic. You don't do a bit of help to the writers here. I don't know if you think you do simply because you tell them where their faults lie, but believe me: Following up tips with remarks like some of those you have been using is idiotic, repulsive, and incredibly stupid, to say the least.
I don't understand why you expect Alpha Lance to practically honor you with kindness when your own emotionless posts are degrading. Open your eyes for once.
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tmstick2006@yahoo.com
11:18 am | September 9, 2003
That story kicks some serious ass!! I played it the whole way through about five times I can't wait for Halo 2 to come out I bet it will be even better than the first.All you that think other wise you can all go to hell for all I care!!!
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Alpha Lance
8:53 pm | September 8, 2003
Well, I have finish my 4th chapter.
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Alpha Lance
11:40 am | September 8, 2003
Oh yeah, I'm also sorry about the jackss comment.
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'
11:33 am | September 8, 2003
'
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Alpha Lance
11:33 am | September 8, 2003
Branden, Sergeant B, I'm sorry too. Its just I get mad easily. Take care.
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'Nosolee
9:45 pm | September 7, 2003
Sorry Havok, lol
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Sergeant B
8:20 pm | September 7, 2003
Sorry for the comment Alpha Lance. I shouldn't of said that. But you don't dare call me a jackass ya jackass. No offense, but you sound like a bastard when you say JACKASS. It makes you soud puny. The next story, I might give you some pointers. And Brendan is not a jackass either.
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FOrunnER
5:45 pm | September 7, 2003
PS, to Nosolee, I think Elfster is writing a series here, Fresna Geran is still around but isn't writing, and Hawk has mysteriously vanished like Silent Hunter.
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FOrunnER
5:33 pm | September 7, 2003
Who, things got heated in here. I think its a good story but bad grammer does degrade it. But don't listen to jackasses, its a good series that just needs a little work. Wado is right, once again, don't try to please everbody, its impossible. 9.5/10
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Havok
3:05 pm | September 7, 2003
aw 'Nosolee, im hurt that you didnt mention me in your list of greats. but yeah... i check this site periodically and see a lot of new names running around. i think they forgot about us...
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'Nosolee
1:37 pm | September 7, 2003
I know I've been gone for a month or so, but it seems that so is everyone else. Where's Elfster, Frensa Geran, Hawk, etc.? Is our generation of FanFic writers done with? Well, pt. 13 of Fall of Fate will be out soon.
Cool story, 9.25/10.
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Walker
1:10 pm | September 7, 2003
An author's ability to defend his own writing means a lot. I applaud Alpha Lance in that and another good piece of writing. 9.2/10, -.8 points for the grammar and spelling. It's good to know you plan to take the time to proofread, which will surely make your work more enjoyable.
That's all I really have to say, other than another round of appplause. Alpha, you're getting better and better.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Alpha Lance
4:50 am | September 7, 2003
Thank you Wado, your right. I can't please everyone. But it is something that I enjoy to do. And something that I work hard on. But rest assured that I will write better fanfics.
And I will also spend more time working on my work. Grammer will be alot better now. And spelling will be alot better now. Exspect more from me in the near future. And if anyone doesn't have any good thing to say, then don't say it. But do say stuff that will make me a better writter. But don't say stuff like, "that suck" or "you sould stop this series." That kind of stuff will get you nowhere. And it won't get the writter nowhere.
So be considerate, and do use all a favor, and use (constructive critism). And don't use hate comments, on which I like to call, (jackass critism). Sargeant B and Branden, I'm sorry, I say alot of mean things when I'm pissed off. And Sergeant B, you should just be thoughfull that I read your fanfics. And I won't be so fergiving next time, so watch on what you say, or write.
Take care everyone, and continue writting and reading fanfics. Peace out.
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Wado
3:12 am | September 7, 2003
Hey Alpha Lance, good to see another story from you. I guess you got the point about taking more time to improve your grammar. Probably the best thing you could do is after finishing your story, put it down for a day or two and then reread it for grammar problems. Make your final edits then submit the story.
As for writing about Spartans and the Master Chief, that is tough. I've been burned before for having the MC as a main character in my stories. But you know what, you can't please everyone. So I still include the MC in my stories.
Write how you want Alpha Lance, you can't please everyone so write to please yourself. If you aren't happy with your own writing then work to improve it, but if you are happy, that's all that really matters.
Take care Alpha Lance.
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Apologies from Unclear Bill
10:41 pm | September 6, 2003
Alright. I'm sorry I got your panties in a wad.
The majority of my post was directed toward J--117.
If you saw my quote. And that just set me off to write what I wrote. It's all true however. It may be blunt. But it's what I think should be said.
And I don't know how you can give some EXCELLENT stories 9.7/10 and yet give this story a 10/10. This story is not perfect.
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Gold Elite
10:33 pm | September 6, 2003
Lay off my freinds back! And he does have a anger prablem. Besides I like it, 10/10.
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Alpha Lance
10:28 pm | September 6, 2003
Bill. What the FUCK are you talking about. And I'm still piss off!!
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Bill
10:17 pm | September 6, 2003
"and the next person who says my friends stories are shit will get hacked by me so lay the fuck off people if u aint got somehting nice to say then dont say it..."
Sure dude. HACK me up. Lol. I'll say this story is shit all I want to because it is. I don't want to go through something like the PS2.
Hidden Power? Pff. How long must I wait?
Same applies with Lance's stories. I don't want to read through 800 grammar errors to get to a potentially good story. Fix them damnit. Take time to make your stories flow and connect. I don't want written diarrhea thank you. I want a solid piece of shit at least.
Anyways... Your stories are getting better Lance, but PROOFREAD. Potential means nothing when it's covered in SHIT.
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.
9:52 pm | September 6, 2003
.
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Alpha Lance
9:52 pm | September 6, 2003
Branden & Sargent B! Y'all are dumbasses if you don't know if that is the John from Halo! Mainevent, sorry, I reaspect you as a great writter. But branden & sargent Bitch off! I always respected your stories, and you go off and say that "this story sucks" and "this is a bastard series." Well fuck you to hell!!! And if you had read the damn story, you would know that John is not going to be in them! And Shadow is a Master Chief too!!! And y'all should also know that I have a anger promblem!!!! You know that I would be glade to get comments that would help me. And I have nothing against y'all other guys, it just this two JACKASSES!!!
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'
9:52 pm | September 6, 2003
'
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Mainevent
9:27 pm | September 6, 2003
And why the hell did you just repost the same story over after mine?
I was trying to help you by correcting your spelling mistakes and grammar.
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Mainevent
9:21 pm | September 6, 2003
Alpha Lance
Your problem with the revised version you had, was that the tense changes constantly.
He walked to the door and locks it.
You can't just switch from tense to tense. Make the tenses match.
He walked to the door and locked it.
And you made them seem way to...phoney. I really don't expect a Captain in the military to say "when you went to your mission, like there were no longswords."
What next? "Like totally dude, that was awesome *chuckle*"
Try to make the characters more believable.
Keep writing though. You will only get better if you take constructive criticism to heart and want to improve.
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Sergeant B
8:31 pm | September 6, 2003
You can't hide that John is the Master Chief man. You really are stupid to use the Master Chief in a story. All stories with the Master Chief sucks.
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Brendan Harther
8:27 pm | September 6, 2003
I really, really suggest you check your grammar and spelling. It sucks man. And don't use Spartans or the Master Chief. John is probably the Master Chief. How could a spec outta a whole galaxy know about halo? Use something else in Halo Trilogy. I give it a 1.5/10
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Sergeant B
8:15 pm | September 6, 2003
John seems very similar to the Master Chief. I think he is. Why would one marine(or Spartan) know about halo if he's never been there. It's not like the Master Chief to talk about his missions to other lower-rank soldiers. And I think you are having Spartans in your story. Most stories with the Master Chief, someone like the Master Chief, someone that knows about a halo, or Spartans are shit in the toilet.
And your grammar sucks dude. You really need to work on grammar. Use spellcheck or have your mom or dad read it before you submit it. This is fuckin' bad. To make it good, use spellcheck, use more detail in your story, and DON'T USE THE MASTER CHIEF. OR A GUY7 NAMED JOHN OR KELLY. JOHN IS A LOT LKE JOHN117 IN HALO: THE FALL OF REACH. MAN, YOU REALLY NEED TO IMPROVE. THESE STORIES OF HALO TRILOGY ARE REALLY DAMN FUCKIN' STORIES. YOUR STUFF REALLY NEED INPROVEMENT. DON'T KEEP USING SPARTANS IN YOUR STORY. USE MARINES AS THE MAIN CHARACTERS.
I HOPE YOU GET BETTER WITH HALO TRILOGY BECAUSE IT IS SUCH A BAD SERIES. IT IS A BASTARD SERIES.
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Alpha Lance
8:06 pm | September 6, 2003
Yeah that's nice Mainevent, but it is more like this.
Chapter III: A Soul to Remember
0400 hours, September 29, 2552 (military calendar)/
UNSC Base outside of Earth City.
The Pelican roared in the base area. The Pelican stopped switching to hover mode hovering down on a landing pad. Shadow and John got out as Kelly helps his fellow marine off the Pelican. “Shadow, you made it back alive in one piece. Sorry about the mission you had to go on. That ship was well defended.” Captain Hahn said.
Kelly approached with the wounded marine and said, “Hahn sir, this is the only marine that survive. That Kilmor send us in when they just could have nuke the thing with the Long Swords.”
“Ah, yeah about that. You see there was no Long Swords available at the time. And then like twenty minutes into you mission, some Long Sword made it back. Than Echo Base called with a distress signal…and we had no choice but to nuke it. Many civilian’s live were in extreme danger, but they are probably dead now.”
“Sir.” Shadow said. “I’m willing to check for any survivors.”
“Alright Shadow. You will go in the morning. You need your rest you know.”
“Come on marine, let’s get you help.” Kelly said.
Kelly took the badly injured marine to the med station; Shadow and John walk in and went to the lounge area. “John.”
“Yeah Shadow, what is it.” replied John.
“What is Halo?” Shadow asked, as both Spartans sat down.
“Well Halo is a ring world. Much like Earth.”
“Yeah, except it runs on artificial life. It is the most advance technology ever. And just to think that it was built thousands of years ago.” Cortana said.
“And we must not forget about it’s most deadly secret.” John said.
“What?”
“The Flood.” John said. “The Flood is a very dangerous enemy. There are like these little thing that will get inside a host’s body. It will take over the host’s brain and nerves. The body will then start to transform and decay making the host’s body stronger than every was. There are several types of form. One is the infected form. It will take over a Marine’s or an Elite’s body. That form can fire any weapon.”
“Yes.” Cortana said. “Then there are the carried forms. Mostly Grunts and Jackals
are that form. That form will carry the little Flood form that takes over the body. It will explode and cause good damage. That’s not all. There were these mechanical robots call the Senitals. They were left on Halo to prevent the Flood from escaping. They have these lasers that will cut straight through you. And then there was 343 Guilty Sparks.”
“343 Guilty Sparks?” Shadow asks.
“Yeah.” John said. “A little ball shape robot. Lets just say he was a little evil bastard.”
Shadow got up from the table and said, “Yeah well. I guess I will go sleep the rest of the day.”
He than left the lounge to his room. He went through the automatic doors and locks it. He didn’t even take off his suit. He lad down on his bed and dozed off into REM sleep after fifteen minutes.
“Come on son, we must hurry.” a female voice said.
“Alright mommy.”
It was a young kid’s voice. A high pitch voice, the kind of voice that a four year old voice. It was a kid, walking along with his mom and dad holding on to their figures. The parents were young and in a hurry to leave the city. “Three ticket to Berlin, Germany please. And make it the soonest flight possible.” the female voice said.
A crazy man ran in the airport with a bomb, and yelled. “You! You must die traitor!”
The man holds up a controller to the bomb. The kid dad pushes him down to the ground and tried to cover him. The terrorist yelled as he pushes the bottom to the bomb. “Ahhhhhh−”
Just then when the bomb exploded, Shadow woke up. He took off his helmet and sweat rolled down his face. He looks over at his clock that read 1:25 a.m. He went into the bathroom and splashes some cold water over his face. What was that dream all about−
Shadow though to himself. Shadow took off the rest of his suit and folded back his cover and went back to sleep.
0600 hours, September 30, 2552 (Shadow clock)/
UNSC Base outside of Earth City.
Shadow, good morning.” Kelly said.
“Good morning Kelly.”
“Well. We got a freash batch of marines. And John won’t be joining us, on account that he has be assign to Moscow. Now lets lock and load!”
Shadow got in the Pelican with his MA6B assault rifle. The Pelican lifted off of the ground and took off to Echo Base. “Kelly, I had a dream last night.” Shadow said.
“So did I, I dreamed of myself killing the Covenant. And being with my wife.”
“I see.” Shadow said
“Well. What was your dream about?” Kelly asks.
“I think I dreamt about my parents when they died.”
“Yeah.” Kelly said.
They were both silent the rest of the ride. The Pelican started to stop and land on what is left of Echo Base. “Alright marines! Let saves some people!”
The Pelican unloaded and took off back to home base. Shadow and the rest of the squad walk off into the dust of destruction.
P.S. Sorry J, but I don't have AIM.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Mainevent
7:32 pm | September 6, 2003
0400 hours, September 29, 2552 (military calendar)/
UNSC Base outside of Earth City.
The Pelican roared into the base area. The Pelican stopped to switch to hover mode and set down on a landing pad. Shadow and John got out as Kelly helped his fellow marine off the Pelican. "Shadow, you made it back alive AND in one piece. Sorry about the mission you had to go on. That ship was well defended." Captain Hahn said.
Kelly approached with the wounded marine and said, "Hahn sir, this is the only marine that survived. Why did that Kilmor sent us in when they could have just nuked the thing with the Long Swords?"
"Ah, yeah about that. You see there were no Long Swords available at the time. And roughly twenty minutes into your mission, some Long Swords made it back. Then Echo Base called with a distress signal...and we had no choice but to nuke it. Many civilian's lives were in extreme danger, but they are probably dead now."
"Sir." Shadow said. "I'm willing to check for any survivors."
"Alright Shadow. You will go in the morning. You need your rest you know."
"Come on marine, lets get you help." Kelly said.
Kelly took the badly injured marine to the med station, Shadow and John walk in and went to the lounge area. "John."
"Yeah Shadow, what is it?" replied John.
"What is Halo?" Shadow asked, as both Spartans sat down.
"Well Halo is a ring world. Much like Earth."
"Yeah, except it runs on artificial life. It is the most advanced technology ever, And just to think that it was built thousands of years ago." Cortana said.
"And we must not forget about it's most deadly secret." John said.
"What?"
"The Flood." John said. "The Flood is a very dangerous enemy. They are these small parasites that will get inside a host's body. It will take over the host's brain and
nerves. The body will then start to transform and decay making the host's body stronger
than every was. There are several types of form. One is the infected form. It will take over a Marine's or a Elite's body. That form can fire any weapon we have encountered."
"Yes." Cortana said. "Then there are the carrier forms. Mostly Grunts and Jackals
are that form. That form will carry the little Flood form that takes over the body. It will explode and cause good damage. That's not all. There were these mechanical robots called the Sentinels. They were left on Halo to prevent the Flood from escaping. They have lasers that will cut straight through you. And then there was 343 Guilty Spark."
"343 Guilty Spark?" Shadow ask.
"Yeah." John said. "A sphere shaped robot. Lets just say he was a little evil bastard."
Shadow got up from the table and said, "Yeah well. I guess I will go sleep the rest of the day."
He then left the lounge to his room. He went through the automatic doors and locked it. He didn't even take off his suit. He laid down on his bed and dozed off into REM sleep after fifteen minutes.
"Come on son, we must hurry!" A female voice said.
"Alright mommy."
It was a young kid's voice. A high pitched voice, the kind of voice that a four year old had. It was a kid, walking along with his mom and dad holding on to their figures. The parents were young and in a hurry to leave the city. "Three ticket to Berlin, Germany please. And make it the earliest flight possible." the female voice urged.
A crazy man ran into the airport with a bomb, and yelled. "You! You must die traitor!"
The man held a controller to the bomb. The kid's dad pushed him down to the ground and tried to cover him. The terrorist yelled as he pushed the bottom to the bomb. "Ahhhhhh−"
Just when the bomb exploded, Shadow woke up. He took off his helmet and sweat rolled down his face. He look over at his clock that read 1:25 a.m. He went into the bathroom and splash some cold water over his face. What was that dream all about−
Shadow though to himself.
Shadow took off the rest of his suit and folded back his cover and went back to sleep.
0600 hours, September 30, 2552 (Shadow clock)/
UNSC Base outside of Earth City.
"Shadow, good morning." Kelly said.
"Good morning Kelly."
"Well. We got a fresh batch of marines. And John won't be joining us, on account that he has been assigned to Moscow. Now lets lock and load!"
Shadow got in the Pelican with his MA5B assault rifle. The Pelican lifted off of the ground and headed for Echo Base. "Kelly, I had a dream last night." Shadow said.
"So did I, I dreamt of myself killing the Covenant. And being with my wife."
"I see." Shadow said
"Well. What was your dream about?" Kelly asked.
"I think I dreamt about my parents when they died."
"Yeah." Kelly said.
They were both silent the rest of the ride. The Pelican started to stop and land on what was left of Echo Base. "Alright marines! Lets save some people!"
The Pelican unloaded and took off to head back to home base. Shadow and the rest of the squad walked off into the dust of destruction.
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J--117
6:07 pm | September 6, 2003
good shit but please man proof read and spell check... and if u have AIM, I would like to talk to u about the new character u wnated in my stories and the next person who says my friends stories are shit will get hacked by me so lay the fuck off people if u aint got somehting nice to say then dont say it...
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Alpha Lance
5:38 pm | September 6, 2003
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwww!!!!!!!!!! Me and killer post at the same time again!!!!!!!
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Covie Killer
4:53 pm | September 6, 2003
Hay, I though it was will good Lance, this is a very good series. Keep it up, 9.5/10.
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Alpha Lance
4:53 pm | September 6, 2003
Yeah, I'm really sorry about the grammar errors. But I was writting this story 2:00 in the morning, and it was also going to be longer, but I sorten it. And there wasn't really any spelling mistakes this time. Gruntkiller you mispelled spelling. ;) But ha, I'm not going to get on y'all backs. Besides, I kinda gotting in the habbit of not proof reading it, sorry, I will next time.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Hunter_Killer
3:21 pm | September 6, 2003
Love it, except for that DAMN GRAMMER! I know, it sux, but good stories have good grammer. Peace, man! =)
- Hunter_Killer
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gruntkiller
2:42 pm | September 6, 2003
good story but a lot of spleeing mistakes, you should take more time to proof read your stuff
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Bill
1:30 pm | September 6, 2003
"The Pelican stop switching..."
The Pelican stopped switching...
"Kelly approach with the..."
Kelly approached with the...
Your stories are good, but your grammar makes them shit. I'm sorry, but until you proof-read your stories, or have someone else do it, and fix all those annoying mistakes, I won't read your stories.
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Bill
1:30 pm | September 6, 2003
"The Pelican stop switching..."
The Pelican stopped switching...
"Kelly approach with the..."
Kelly approached with the...
Your stories are good, but your grammar makes them shit. I'm sorry, but until you proof-read your stories, or have someone else do it, and fix all those annoying mistakes, I won't read your stories.
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Bill
1:30 pm | September 6, 2003
Proof-read fool.
kdfjkdjfkd
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pooman
11:00 am | September 6, 2003
good
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