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Comments for 'Halo Trilogy: Destroy th 'Judgment Day' (Chapter II, part 2)' |
Alpha Lance
4:51 am | September 7, 2003
Thank you Walker.
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Walker
2:29 am | September 7, 2003
"Up yours!" heh heh, I'm glad you put that in there. 9.2/10, and I think that you should have someone proofread your stories since you loose a lot of points on grammar. Keep up with this series, because behind all the mistakes there is a very good author whose potential is nowhere near its limit at the present time.
Semper Fi
-Walker
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Gold Elite
12:18 am | September 6, 2003
when is the next chapter coming out? and check this sig out.
Gold Elite™
Friend of Alpha Lance
The creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Alpha Lance
8:51 pm | September 5, 2003
Hornet, I didn't think that was harsh one bit. And I'm you of the writters that can take a beating from comments that I get.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Dispraiser
10:14 pm | September 4, 2003
Just finished reading all of your fanfics, for some reason I did (probably wanted to see if this series in particular was worth bragging about in your signature. Heh, and Hornet, if you think that's an aggressive post I got a fanfic wrote ABOUT how evil and cruel I was in my comments a little while back. What that means is be careful. These people are emotional powder kegs over their fanfics, ESPECIALLY the ones that suck. Most of the good ones can take a little beating, but the bad ones shout a lot...
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hornet34
4:41 am | September 4, 2003
Sorry if I seemed a little harsh in my post earlier. I find the big drawback of the internet is the lack of emotion. While I meant my advice in a sincere way, (and thats how you took it, I believe), when I came and read back through, I noticed that it could be taken otherwise.
You really are a promising author and I look forward to your next work.
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Alpha Lance
10:53 pm | September 3, 2003
lol pooman. And thanks hornet, that can help me in the future. And Brendan, if you had read the story, you would know that the Judgement Day is a name of a Covenant crusier. And I did not copy it for a Termenature movie. Its just a name, and just because a word in a story is seen off a movie title doesn't mean that i stole it.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Alpha Lance
10:53 pm | September 3, 2003
Oh yeah forgot to add. MC isn't going to be in alot of my story.
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pooman
7:39 pm | September 3, 2003
dude this story sucks..... 10/10 LOL
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Brendan Harther
6:52 pm | September 3, 2003
why is it called 'judgement day'? aren't yu copying Terminator?
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hornet34
5:56 pm | September 3, 2003
Hmm. Alpha Lance, since everyone seems to be just saying 'nice story' I'll take the time to tell you what you need to work on. Here goes...
First, Using the Master Chief in ANY story is a very risky and very bad idea. If I remember correctly, I'll paraphrase advice Dispraiser once gave me when I was starting out. "The Master Chief is Bungie's character. Therefore, whatever they say about him is right, meaning that whatever you say he does is inherently wrong." Dispraiser's second favorite quote on the subject is "I wouldn't want to write anything that could later be proven wrong by Bungie..."
Secondly, you need to work on your grammar and spelling. I can't emphasize enough the importance of editing and constantly rereading your stories. You also had a lot of words that were spelled right, but were the wrong words. Such as 'now' instead of 'know'. It helps to take time off between writing and editing, you'll catch more mistakes.
Third, Work on expanding your plot. If you look at mine or Wado's or Dispraiser's or Gruntkiller's work, there is always at least a couple of paragraphs just setting up for the story. This helps the reader understand why the battle is taking place, where the fight is, who is winning, and the such. Now don't get me wrong, include as much action as you can, but there are too many stories out there that are pure action, and a nice plot will seperate you from the masses (I feel like I'm quoting Dispraiser again)
Fourth, the dialogue. Your marines seemed to be very insubordinate, meaning that they didn't show respect for their leaders. That's not very military and also not very likely. Give each of you characters distinctive, realistic personalities that come out through their words and actions.
Well, I'll save the rest of my rantings for your next piece. It's a good story and by looking at your writings I think you show promise as an author, but it will require time and work.
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Kid Buu
7:08 am | September 3, 2003
Nice story but being a esl is showing :( please work on your grammer 8/10
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Covie Killer
12:38 am | September 3, 2003
Great! Great! Great! 9.8/10
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Gold Elite
10:12 pm | September 2, 2003
Hay josh. nice story, 9.5/10. and yours is the only story i read. but i will start reading others. and see u at school tomarrow.
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Alpha Lance
9:09 pm | September 2, 2003
Thx both of ya'll. And you don't mind if I use this JCDention.
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V
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Alpha Lance
9:09 pm | September 2, 2003
Ah yeah, me again. You know, could ya'll kinda tell me wrong with my storys. So that I could fix them in the future. And thx you again for the comments. And I hope I get more comments.
Alpha Lance
Creator of Halo Trilogy©
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Hunter_Killer
10:24 am | September 2, 2003
Dang. Nice story. 9.5/10 For Grammatical Errors. =)
- Hunter_Killer
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JCDenton
9:03 am | September 2, 2003
good story. 9.7/10
My own story is delayed for a while. so please dont think I stopped.
JCDenton
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