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Comments for 'The Guardians, Chapter Two' |
MC's Cousin
6:25 pm | July 15, 2004
You'd be surprised at details that I find. To be honest, I actually took notes on your three stories so I wouldn't forget what I thought wasn't quite right.
It's not that it's hard to read, and your style is just fine. But I really try to stress using the code. N00bs don't see the code in your stories, so they have an excuse not so use it either. You not using it fine, but most of the time it only goes to make n00b stories much worse. That's just where I come from.
Signing Off
MCC
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Agent Shade
5:17 am | July 15, 2004
i don't understand, i've never indented before, why the sudden change? at least its spaced out and easy to read, otherwise you MC wouldn't poke these details at me. oh by the way MC, information about why the Covenant have so many ships and such will become evident later on, so don't give up on me now
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Mainevent
1:03 am | July 15, 2004
Shade, by no means is the story bad. Just try to use indent on your up-n-comin ones. Eh? ;)
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MC's Cousin
5:27 pm | July 14, 2004
I actually thought it was pretty good. Heck, I post on a story whether its good or not.
As for this chapter. It was good, I like the feel. I do agree that you might try to add those minor details to make it sound more real. It may be fiction, but the story is based on a realistic setting. But once again, whatever suits you.
Also, I was wondering about the outside story. What is hapening else where. Because if the Human/Covenant war is still ocurring, then where would reinforcments to compare to 200-300 Covenant ships come from? Though you could pull someting like the Unyeilding Hyrophant. But if the war is over, or dwindling, where did all the Covenant come from? I don't know, but my mind can encompas much more than one solar system worth of plot. Just a tipish thing.
Signing Off
MCC
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Agent Shade
4:06 am | July 14, 2004
i know its been a long time, but I wasn't excepting so few posts. Is the story that bad?
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Mainevent
3:23 am | July 14, 2004
Even though you're in space, you won't float indefinetely. There's gravity everywhere, so you'd slow down and stop eventually. It may be a VERY long time, but it would happen.
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Agent Shade
2:02 am | July 14, 2004
you could still obviously read it without the indent
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Agent Shade
2:02 am | July 14, 2004
and do keep in mind, this is fiction, so don't critisize me about the realism of my story.
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Slit Throat
12:59 am | July 14, 2004
Newton's first law states: an object at rest remains at rest and an object in motion remains in motion at a constant speed unil acted upon by an unbalanced force.
In other words; inertia.
You used part of the code, the page break, but you didn't indent ([indent]). Why?
8/10
(No I'm not a science teacher, I'm a freshman who paid atention in 8th grade science)
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Paranoid Commander
8:35 pm | July 13, 2004
Thought I should try and draw your attention to that there is no way a ship would come to a stop by shutting off it's engines...(rockets, fuison drives, whatever) it would sort of just... float onwards. (to stop you have to eitherr a. Fire front-mounted engines. or b. turn the ship around and deaccelarate using the main engines...)
Just thought I should point it out. If you're going to keep it that way, fine, It's Your story not mine.
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