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Chief and Lovell
Posted By: Spartan058-HaloGeeky
Date: 13 June 2005, 9:38 PM
Read/Post Comments
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WARNING: The following is a skit involving the Master Chief. This is purley a joke and should remain as such. Thank you.
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*MC's in the rec room playing pool with Jenkins. MC finishes the game by sending the eight ball directly into the corner pocket*
Jenkins: You beat me again! That's the forty-third time in a row!
MC: I never loose.
Jenkins: Well yea, I think you've proved that.
*Gesturing to the cash Jenkins is pulling out of his pocket*
MC: Keep your money.
Jenkins: yea, thanks.
*Captain Keyes runs into the room*
Keyes: You've got to help me! I've got a gambling problem! I give you permission to... tie me to a chair!
Jenkins: Alright!
MC: No, wait there is a better way to deal with this.
*MC slaps Keyes across the face*
Keyes: AHHHHHawwwwweeeeh!
MC: shit!
Jenkins: Cap'n'?
MC: Shit! Shit!
Jenkins: Capt--in?
MC: Oh god! He's dead!
Jenkins: You mean dead as in: not living?
MC: yes!
Jenkins: You mean, yes as in no.
MC: no!
*MC slaps Jenkins across the face*
Jenkins: AHHHHHawwwwweeeeh!
MC: SHIT!
*knock knock knock*
ODST1: Hey Chief, did you finally loose?
MC: uhh, no. WE'RE O-KAY!
ODST1: cool, can I come in?
MC: no.
ODST1: okay then, see ya later.
MC: Okay, Chief. Pull yourself together, this isn't the
first time. It's the second including Jenkins. shit!
*MC walks out of the rec room, leaves the two corpses
behind and randomly greets people in the hallway*
MC: Hi.....how ya doin'.....I'm good....nice chicken!
*to himself*
MC: nice chicken?
*he shakes his head*
*looks to the chicken wobbling around in the hall*
MC: Oh, that chicken.
*He walks quickly to the bridge where everyone is fast
at work fight the covenant*
MC: When did they get here?
Hikowa: Two hours ago. Where have you been?
MC: Winning at pool.
Hikowa: Shit! Ensign Lovell, I need you to give me our
position!
Lovell: We're on the bridge!
Hikowa: NO! I am not going to fire at the bridge! Give
me our location in this space system! I need to know
our location so I can consider the exact covenant
coordinates. I need to send some more MAC fire into the
belly of that piece of ship!
Lovell: Oh, let me think about that one!
*Hikowa sighs and turns to Chief*
Hikowa: What do you need, Chief?
MC: I'm looking for Captain Keyes.
Hikowa: He's not here. He went down to the rec area to
place a bet on whether or not we win this battle.
I haven't seen him since this whole thing started.
*MC sighs casually*
MC: Alright, I didn't seem him down there, but I'll
look again.
*Just then, an ODST bursts onto the bridge breathing
heavily*
ODST: The Captain is dead! Along with some kid named
Jenkins!
Hikowa: Do you know who killed them?
ODST: No, but he must have been BIG! Like someone kidnapped
as a child just for the purpose of growing into a super
soldier!
*MC looks down at his MJOLNIR armor*
MC: Any suspects?
ODST: No, but we think whoever he was has left the ship!
Hikowa: How is that possible? We are in the middle of....
*turns to Ensign Lovell*...have you figured out where we
are yet, Lovell?
Lovell: Nope, still thinkin!
Hikowa: Try asking your computer for help!
Lovell: *leans closer to the computer and speaks to the
screen* DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE, COMPUTER?
*Hikowa frowns and turns back to the ODST*
Hikowa: But, we are in the middle of space. Where could
have gone?
ODST: We believe that he may have some type of head to
toe body armor that allows him to access space without
affecting him.
*MC shifts in his spot*
Hikowa: I can't believe this!
ODST: Chief?
MC:...........yea?
ODST: I believe Keyes' death leaves you as the commanding
officer. If I could, I would like to make a suggestion.
MC: yea, suggestion giving granted.
ODST: We will need your outstanding fighting skills
and your indestructible body armor to find this guy.
I suggest we don't rest until we find him!
MC: you can rest, ODST..........I'll find this guy
myself, don't you worry about this at all!
Hikowa: Surely you will need some help.
MC: Nope, I should be fine. Thank you, though. Now
everyone get back to work!
*takes his spot as the captain on the bridge and rubs
the top of his helmet*
MC: oh crap-o.
Lovell: yea, Chief?
MC: Lovell! Have you found out where we are yet?
Lovell: Nope, this bugger is hard to crack!
MC: yea, well...keep working.
Lovell: Yes, sir. Always working sir!
*Later that day, MC is in the equipment room*
MC: okay, battle rifle: check. frag grenades:
check. super quick chocolate energy bars: check, check.
*Lovell enters the equipment room*
MC: Lovell....what are you doing away from your post?
Lovell: I don't know.
MC: okay...have you figured out where we are yet?
Lovell: yea, Hikowa told me that we are on the edge of
the Eradius System.
MC: that's...that's good.
*Lovell looks to the duffle bag full of equipment and frowns*
Lovell: Where are you going, Chief? You have super quick
chocolate energy bars! You're coming back...right chief?
MC: yes, Lovell. I'll be coming back.
Lovell: Right. Well, Hikowa told me to that I was to go with
you!!
*pause*
MC: You're making this up, arn't you Lovell?
*pause*
Lovell:.......no.
MC: You can't come with me. Go back to your post.
*Lovell doesn't move*
MC: Go back to your post.
*Still, Lovell doesn't move*
MC: Go...back to your post.
Lovell: monkies
MC: what?
*MC sighs*
MC: Okay, I'm leaving now.
Lovell: No! You don't understand, you're my idol! If you die
...I die!
MC: Well, then I would be doing the world a favor by killing
myself, wouldn't I.
Lovell: I would follow you into the afterworld, Cheif.
MC: Care to follow me back to the bridge?
Lovell: anywhere, Chief.
MC: Alright then, you lead.
*MC waits until Lovell leaves the equipment room then puts
on his thruster pack, grabs his duffle bag and hits the
evacuation button. He watches as everything is being
sucked out of the room and sees someone float suddenly
past him.*
MC: what?
*MC lets go of the holding handle and turns his thruster
towards the target*
MC: LOVELL?!!!
*he catched up and uses his arm to turn Lovell around to
face him.*
Lovell: Hi Chief!
MC: Where did you get the space suit?
Lovell: I can't remember...
*MC almost hits him but remembers his lesson learned*
Lovell: Weeee!
MC: Lovell you can't be out here!
Lovell: Hikowa said I could come with you!
MC: No!
Lovell: Chief!....Chief!....try this!
*Lovell spins around backwards and starts to fly out into
deeper space. MC contemplates not going after him, but
thinks better of it. He turns on his thrusters and grabs
hold of Lovell's space suit.
MC: Don't do that again! Stay by my side!
Lovell: Which side, Chief?
MC: PICK ONE!!!!
Lovell: Eenie...meenie, minee...mow...
MC: OMG!
*MEANWHILE*
*on the bridge*
Hall: Hikowa, where's Lovell?
Hikowa: I told him to go with the Chief!
Hall: oh....good thinking.
*Hikowa looks out into space where she can vaugley see
Chief and Lovell floating in the distance.*
Hikowa: Poor, Chief.
*MEANWHILE MEANWHILE*
*on a nearby covenant battle cruiser*
Humilitee: No kidding!
Fagamee: yea, and then I woke up and it was just a dream!
*they laugh at the inside joke*
Poogalamee: I smell human! and an idiot!
Humilitee: That makes sense.
Poogalamee: Why?
Fagamee: Because there is a human and an idiot standing
right behind you.
*Poogalmee freezes and tries to look behind him without
turning*
Lovell: Chief! They called you an idiot! Let me kill the
bastards!
*Chief grabs his collar and does hardly anything to hold
Lovell back as he punches and
flares his arms at the air in front of him.*
Fagamee: What do we do? I forget!
Humilitee: Kill them?
*Before the Elites could remember what they were supposed
to do when an enemy confronts them on their own ship, MC
lifts Lovell into the air and swings him into the crowd
of the three Elites. They all die.*
Lovell: Team Work, Chief!
MC: yea. thanks.
*Chief pulls out his battle rifle and Lovell pulls out
his rocket launcher.*
MC: Lovell, you won't be able to use that on this ship.
Lovell: okay.
*Lovell does nothing to put the gun away and the Chief
stares at him dumbfounded.*
MC: It will blow a hole through the hull of the ship.
Lovell: *suddenly with an evil smile* And that's just
what I plan to do!
*MC fights his confusion as Lovell is suddenly leading
him through the corridors of the ship*
MC: Where are we going?
Lovell: I have no idea.
MC: Let me lead, then.
Lovell: Right. Good plan.
*They enter the control room with no opposition what
so ever.*
MC: That was lucky.
Lovell: I don't believe in luck. Something isn't right.
MC: with you?
Lovell: Where is everyone?
*MC looks around and notices that the bridge that just
belonged to the covenant is suddenly the bridge
belonging to the Pillar of Autumn.*
*MC jerks awake and sways in his spot*
Captain Keyes: You okay, Chief?
MC: Yea, just fell asleep....I think.
*The Captain laughs and turns to Lovell*
Keyes: Lovell, what's our position?
Lovell: We are in orbit around Sigma Octanus IV. Our
exact coordinates are updating every second, Captain.
ETA is one half hour.
*MC shakes his head and walks up to Keyes*
MC: Permission to get something to eat, Captain.
Captain: That tired, eh? Alright, you deserve it. I'll
give you 15 minutes.
MC: Thank you, sir.
*MC makes his way down to the rec room where he takes a
seat at the table with a MRE*
Jenkins: What's up, Big Green?
*MC jumps*
MC: Jenkins?
Jenkins: yea. What's wrong?
MC: nothing I just had this very weird dream where I....
*MC tells Jenkins the entire dream save a few
accusing details such as killing both Jenkins and the captain.*
Jenkins: No kidding!
MC: yea, and then I woke up and it was just a dream.
*They both laugh at the inside joke*
ODST1: I smell human! and an idiot!
*Overwhelmed, Chief turns around to face the ODST1*
ODST1: What's up Jenkins!
*MC sighs*
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