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-Hell Summed Up-
Posted By: Mainevent<billygoat359@netscape.net>
Date: 28 September 2003, 4:50 AM
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A time long ago, before this war, this massacre of innocent lives for no reason other than a personal glory that is beyond my comprehension, I was asked what hell was. At the time, being ignorant to the effects and first hand experiences that she provides, I responded, "Hell is where you go if you do something you shouldn't."
How I was wrong. I've found myself doing many things I shouldn't have, with reasons that even if I look back and dwell upon are beyond me, but I know I did them. I have seen hell up close, and run through it, staring the devil in the eye and attempting to even once throw a grenade at him.
This devil I refer to is symbolical of course, but he was there none the less. You see, after you see men torn and broken from war, and then you find even yourself being torn and broken, then you realise what hell is.
Hell is that inescapable expanse of the battlefield, where your friends, your brothers, your fathers, and your sons, where they all lie in agony. Moaning and calling out for someone they love, only to receive nothing for their troubles.
I look back and laugh at it now. I used to ask myself what heaven was like. If the streets were paved with gold, and you never had to work again. If I would have a beautiful wife and a fancy car. But now I realise that I was in Heaven all along. The time of peace and calm, the time of serenity and obscured tranquility that we all took for granted.
I've come to welcome the face of death. So far it has been neutral on the battlefield, however, I await the day it should suddenly become my enemy, and then pursue me relentlessly. I know I can't outrun it, and to try and do so would be futile, and only tire me before I die. Although, I guess, everyone needs a run for their money.
I watch my opponent's if I have the chance, to see what it's like to be them. It strikes me ironic that they should be me in another form. Having a family and the like that I do. To know that there is someone out there for them, and hoping that their safe and come back. Praying to whatever divine deity they believe in.
That they aren't all that different from me. Sometimes I stare so hard I forget who I am, and it's like looking in a mirror almost. A reflection of myself from afar, floating silently, helplessly, overhead. Unable to scream, or beat, or do anything for that matter. I can scream at the top of my lungs, but nothing will come out.
These mirrored versions of myself that want so badly to end my life. Their only goal to destroy me and my comrades, and then trample my home. To stop my children, and their children, from having a future. To bind me to a nothingness so eternally long and painful and torturous that nothing I could do or say would rectify it. To somehow keep my in this prison forever, and without chance of parole. That would be the ultimate hell, but in a way, I'm already there.
So now that I've seen what hell is first hand, and if I were asked that very question once, twice, or even thrice more, I would respond, "Hell is everywhere, it's not hard to find, one only has to open his mind and look for it, and before he or she realises it, they are there." Of course by then it's too late, as no one can truly prepare themselves for hell no matter how long or hard they try, and believe me, I've tried.
There is nothing one can do but accept their fate and take it in stride, and make the devil's life as tedious and miserable as possible. To give them a run for their money so far and fast, that in the end they'll look back and think it worthless.
If I can at least have that impact, then I know I've done at least that much. I'll do what I can for my fellow man, and give him the support he needs, and then, at least perhaps one of us will escape this hell we've been doomed to and reach Heaven once more, and if I'm lucky, they'll even put in a good word for me.
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