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A Whacky Spartan (Part 6)
Posted By: Daniel Jackson<danjack13@hotmail.com>
Date: 16 July 2002, 10:06 pm
Read/Post Comments
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Part 6: Is it finally over?
February 3, 3002 Military Calendar Epsilon Eridani System
*** 0402 - Daniel and Jake decide to play some Xbox XXV.
Jake: *inserting an Elder Scrolls 31 constuct* I am evil!
Daniel: *beheading Jake's character* And I am So Good!
Will: *sticks his head into the hallway* And I'm going to kick both of your asses if you don't shut up!
Daniel and Jake rush under a table.
Daniel: Bro, what should we do?
Jake: How the hell should I know?!?!
*******
0420 - Daniel Decides to wake Will up!
Daniel: Rise and shine! Time to wake up!
Will: *looks at the clock then tells Daniel in a monotone voice* Get the hell off of me...
Daniel: But, Will!
Will: Leave me the hell alone before I blow your head off! *gets out a gun*
Daniel: Oooh! Is it real?
Will shoots at the ceiling.
*******
0500 - Daniel goes up to a camera which Jake is holding.
Daniel: It's 0500! Do you know where your children are?
Brittany: *goes out the door of the room* Yes, outside playing games while people are trying to sleep!
Daniel: Oh...
*******
0510 - Daniel and Jake are outside on the roof howling at the moons.
Daniel: AWWWOOOOO!!!!
Jake: AWWWOOOOOO!!!!
Out of nowhere, two combat boots come flying out and hit Daniel and Jake...
Will: How am I suppose to think of ways to kill James when they're outside howling?!?!
*******
0600 - James and Will decide to get up and eat breakfast.
Will: *under his breath* Must kill James...
James: What did you say, Will?
Of course, Will hears something else...
"James": You know Brittany's mine!
After hearing that, Will grabs James by the collar of his shirt.
Will: You'll never have BRITTANY!
James: What are you talking about, Will? Why would I like BRITTANY?
Will, of course, doesn't exactly hear what poor James said.
"James": Come on, Will! Like Brittany would like someone like you!
Will: DIE!! *starts beating up poor James*
Just then, the light goes out and clicks back on to show two SPARTAN II's (The Old) dressed in old MJOLNIR suits.
Daniel: Let him go, you evil bastard!
Will: Huh?
Daniel: I am John-117! Or...
Jake: *whispers to 'John-117'*
Daniel: Oh yeah! *Grumbles inaudibly*
Jake: And so will I, Samuel-- what was his number?
Will: Let me guess...
Jake: How did he know?!?!
Daniel: Who cares!
Will: Hehehe! Cya suckers!
James: *lying on the floor* Ouch!
The next day, Brittany decided that they should check up on Steven and James in the hospital.
Daniel: But Brittany! I don't want to go to the hospital! It's evil!
Brittany: DANIEL JACKSON! You will go to the hospital whether you like it or not!
Daniel: But, Brittany!
Brittany: Master Chief Petty Officer, it is your mission to go to the hospital!
Daniel: *in a trance* yes Ma'am! *end trance* Damnit!
Brittany: I thought that would work!
So, after a hard time trying to get the boys to go to the hospital with her, they finally made it there. While walking down the halls, Daniel and Jake claim that they had to go to the restroom. While trying to find the restroom, they found the room where the medicine was kept.
Daniel: Hey Jake....
Jake: What?
Daniel: Isn't that the stuff they gave to us in those syringes?
Jake: Yeah! *looks at Daniel*
Daniel: *looks at Jake* You thinking what I'm thinking?
Jake: Maybe...
Both fill a syringe up with the hallucinogen and pull their pants down.
Daniel: On the count of three! One, two, THREE! *both Jake and Daniel poke their asses with the hallucinogen-filled syringes.*
Together: OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
A nurse passes by the door...
Nurse: Uh...must be those gay doctors...
Inside the room Daniel pulls out the syringe and looks at Jake...
Daniel: Ouch...
Jake: I think we used too much...
Daniel: No we didn't! We can still walk can't we?
Jake: Good point...
Both walk out of the room, then start happily running down the halls. Meanwhile, Brittany-672 had finally found the room. She opened the door what she saw shocked her. Five women were by James treating him like a god of some sort...
Brittany: Uh...do I have the right room?
Steven: Yes, weak onna...
James: Oh hi, Brittany!
James: When will this nightmare be over?
Steven: The Grunt only knows...
Brittany: Why don't you sit down, Daniel?
Daniel: Uh...sit down?
Jake: What do you mean...
Brittany: If you're going to be in here, why don't you sit down?
Daniel: Uh... *takes a seat after awhile, Daniel cries out in pain* OUCH!!!! MY ASS HURTS! ICE! NEED ICE!
Brittany: Daniel! Are you ok?
Jake: Uh...I'll pass on taking a seat...
Just then, Will walked into the room. He looked around and saw Jake, Daniel, Brittany, Steven, and of course the person he was suppose to kill, James.
Daniel: Whaa...What are you doing here?!?!
Will: I live with you guys, don't I?!
Will: *looks at everyone in the room* So what's up?
Daniel: Now's our chance, Jake! Ready?
Will: You guys are really pathetic!
Steven: Belchik, what do you want?
Will: Hmm...nothing...much.
Brittany: If you want me, you're going to have to go through my Danny-047!
Daniel: Eh? Your "Danny-047?" I hate DANNY!
Will: Ok...Daniel...there's a bunch of that clear stuff in those syringes in the hallway!
Daniel: REALLY?!?!?!
Will: Yep...
Daniel: COME ON, JAKE! *grabs Jake*
Will: Idiot! So who's gonna save you now?
Brittany: Uh...that's ok, because I love James!
James: HUH?!?!?! NO! She's lying!
Will: Uh huh!
James: She is!
Brittany: *grabs poor James and starts kissing him* Oh, I just love my James-510!
Will: Ok! That's it! *takes out a gun* Give her up, James!
James: YOU CAN HAVE HER!!!
Steven: Hehehe! Price you are weak!
James: I am not! Brittany! Get off of me!
Brittany: But I love my little James-510!
Girl 4: Get off of my James-510!
Brittany: Ok! Geez!
Will: *grabs Brittany* Brittany, I want to be with you forever! Now that Daniel and all the others are out of the way, I want you to marry me!
Brittany: *slaps Will* I would never marry an idiot like you! I love Daniel!
Will: I gave you a chance to answer me, now I'm gonna make you marry me!*grabs Brittany and runs off*
Steven: I thought marriages were disallowed in all SPARTAN III units?
James: Eh? No... and Daniel and/or Jake will eventually snap out of it and run after Will and Brittany...
Meanwhile, in the hallway Daniel and Jake are causing havoc. While doing this they run into Will and Brittany.
Daniel: Hello...my name is Jake-048...
Brittany: My poor Daniel!
Jake: I am Daniel-047. Now you die, Brittany-672!
Brittany: Poor Jake!
Will: Get the hell out of my way!
Jake: No one is allowed to take Brittany without my permission!
Brittany: If only I could hear that from my real Daniel-047! *smacks Will again* Let go of me you idiot!
Will: I love you too, Brittany! Now out of my way! *runs past Daniel and Jake*
Daniel: Maybe we should save her, Daniel.
Jake: Maybe...*both run after Will and Brittany*
After a few hours, Daniel and Jake finally found Will and Brittany.
Daniel: Wait a minute, Jake...
Jake: How did we get here?
Daniel: I don't remember...
Jake: Me either...
Brittany: WHAT ARE YOU TWO WAITING FOR?!?!?! SAVE ME!!!!!
Daniel: BRITTANY!
Jake: Are you just going to scream out her name or are you going to save her?
Daniel: Good point...*takes out his M97 6 Gauge Shotgun and follows Will and Brittany*
Daniel followed them to a large office building. It was dark inside the building, and Daniel couldn't see a thing in front of him. Daniel looked around then saw something that looked like Will's dred.
Daniel: *thinking* I told him he should have cut those dreds off...he is past the regulation 16cm...
Daniel ran through the building looking for them he finally ran into an office with a leather chair turned towards the window.
Someone: So nice to see you made it, Daniel.
Daniel: What do you really want, Will?
Someone: Will...hmmm...sorry, that person isn't here anymore...
Daniel: Huh? What are you, who are you, and what do you want?
Someone: I'm not Will, I'll tell you that.
Daniel: Quit messing with me and tell me who you are!
Someone: So the hallucinogen wore off...too bad.*the chair swirls around to face Daniel* My name is Shay. My objective is to destroy the St. Giambi colony for what they did to me. I used Brittany to get you here to ask if you'll help me. If you refuse, I'll make you help me. *looks at Brittany, who is tied up and gagged* I must say, Daniel-047, you have a way of fighting in guerrilla warfare like no other SPARTAN, since John-117 on I-004 in 2552...
Daniel: *ignoring the last part he said* Shay, eh? How are you going to make me?
Shay: I'm not saying...
Daniel: Well guess what? I'm not helping you one damn bit. So you can just go to hell...
Shay: Aww...would you please reconsider?
Daniel: *picks up his M6D* Nope...
Shay: You wouldn't shoot a fellow Heavy Weapons Specialist, now would you?
Daniel: Let's find out...*shoots Will in the arm* That was for the first one! *Will's body falls backward in the chair* This one is for the second one!*shoots Will in the leg* This is for Jake! *shoots him in the other arm* This one is for James and Steven! *shoots him in the other leg* Oh yeah! This one is for Brittany! *about to shoot him again*
Will: *screaming out in pain* NO! DON'T KILL ME!!!!!
Daniel: Maybe I should...*picks the gun up again* Ready?
Shay: *takes over Will's consciousness* Go on!
Will: *comes back* HEY! Don't listen to him! You're not really going to kill me, are you?
Daniel: Yes...
Will: Man! You really are crazy!!!
Daniel: Not as crazy as you are...
Brittany: Daniel!!! Don't do it!
Shay: *takes over once more and pulls out a gun* Looks like we're both going to kill each other, Daniel.
Daniel: Oh well...*shoots the gun, but nothing comes out* There...I killed Shay, or should I say the 47 System... *collapses*
Shay: This can't happen!
Will: AWWW! Shit! This hurts! Get the hell outta my head! *Shay disappears*
Brittany: Are you ok, Daniel? Daniel: Yeah, I'm just fine...
Brittany: Aww! Daniel-047!
Will: Daniel! You son of a bitch you! You shoot me...not once, not twice...but FOUR TIMES!!!!!
Daniel: I can count, unlike you, Will...
Brittany: Are you back to normal, Will?
Will: Yeah, yeah...I got that son of a bitch outta my head... You know what?
Daniel: What?
Will: I can go for a nice Gruntmeat Omelett!
Brittany and Daniel: WILL!!!!
Will: What? ^_^
A few hours later, Will joins Steven and James in the same room at the hospital, in a full body treatment. (You can still see Will's dred though!)
Steven: *looks over to see his new roommate* AHHHHHHHH! Get that thing out of here!
Will: I'm a...*checks himself* GUY!
Steven: Yep, it's the same idiot we call Belchik...
Will: No, you call me Belchik. Everyone else calls me Will!
Steven: Whatever, Belchik!
Will: *looks over at James* So, James is hitting on girls already?
James: *trying to get the girls away from him* But I really need to sleep, girls!
James: *broad out of his mind* Could you please get out of the room then?
Steven: Price is weak!
Will: Steven is an idiot, but no one is complaining!
Steven: WHEN I GET OUT OF THIS DAMN BED, BELCHIK!
Will: You mind Steven? I'm trying to sleep!
Meanwhile, outside the room...
Brittany: Daniel...
Daniel: Hmm?
Brittany: Do you really love me?
Daniel looks into Brittany's eyes and he smiles.
Daniel: Yes, Brittany...
Brittany: Same to you to, Daniel...*kiss*
Will: You guys mind?!?!? People are trying to sleep!!!!
Steven: SHUT UP, BELCHIK!!!
James: We shouldn't be fighting!!!
Daniel and Brittany: *shake their heads* SHUT UP!!!!
3 months later
Suddenly Jake appears next to Daniel.
Jake: So he asked?
Daniel: Yeah...
Jake: What if he does loose it again?
Daniel: Promise me one thing Jake...
Jake: Hmm?
Daniel: If he even looks at me during the wedding you will shoot him...
Jake: Ok...
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