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Life Workin for HBO,Part Three
Posted By: Hunter_Killer<jlp8118@sbcglobal.net>
Date: 16 December 2003, 12:20 PM
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I emerged through a door. Or rather, I was violently hurled onto the floor in front of the door. "Smeg," I mumbled groggily, as I got up.
"Yah, sorry, mate," An Aussie Marine said to me, "The Hackers're s'posed to fix 'at soon, they are. Oh well. Hackers..."
"I hear ya', Aussie," I replied, dusting myself off. "So, anything going on?"
"Nah. Oh, Elfster beat Simpsons Rule." I was stunned at the news.
I was shocked. This had NEVER, and I mean NEVER, happened in the grand history of HBO. "How'd he do it?"
"Apparently, Simpsons was cheating, he had unlimited ammo for all of 'is guns. 'E got 'imself disqualified, he did." I looked around the lobby.
There were hundreds of doors, for hundreds of games. Every time a new game started, a new door appeared. In the room were several big red couches on which a team of five were relaxing after a grueling game, and a few fancy lamps.
There was a bulletin board on the wall. There was one paper, a long one, attached. It was a list of games going on. There were five-hundred entries. The names were ever changing: there was now 480 games on the list. Now 510.
I told the paper, "Ok, I'm looking for games to watch."
Cortana's voice answered. "Ok, H_K..."
The paper suddenly got a lot shorter, and it showed 13 games. I touched a game name, and a door began to glow.
I opened the door, and was sucked into game number 142...
Well, I was now inside a huge skybox with one other person: Hikaru-117 was in the first seat ,and I sat down in another one.
Hikaru was hunched over a piece of paper, busily writing on it with an Official HBO Ball-point Pen("Made in Taiwan").
"Yo, man," I said to him, trying to look over his shoulder, "You should write at Yo office..." I didn't have much success, me being 11 and about 5 feet tall, and him, well... taller.
"Shh..." He replied to me, "Not now, little man. I'm trying to record everything going on in the Multiplayer match down below."
"So you're the new chronicler..." I said, mainly to myself. I remember the last bloke who had that job. He had to be at it(literally)24/7. Well, he said he liked his job. Go figure. And the way he passed on the job? Frensa Geran shot him in the head 12 times with a pistol from 900 meters away and under, because one time he accidentally recorded that Frensa had died, when it was really Mainevent who bought it.
I then turned my attention to the Two-on-Two Team Slayer Deathmatch going on below.
A Marine and an Elite versus Sergeant B and the Game's Sergeant Johnson. Johnson ducks a rocket, and returns fire with his AR... The Marine takes cover, then pops out from it and sends a rocket hurling into Sarge B. It explodes, but he's not hurt. Doh! He had an overshield on. The Elite takes a belly full o' led, and respawns behind Johnson. Look out, Johnson... Oh.. not a pretty way 'ter go. Not pretty at all.
This match was really exciting and fast paced. Not what I expected from Computer Generated Chars. Sergeant B, however, was usually into high-risk, high-payoff maneuvers. Like using the Warthog Jump Attack Formation, invented by Sarge B. Damn, this guy was fun to watch try his stuff.
Then, suddenly, Sarge B tripped right in the middle of a very delicate and tricky stunt. As a result, the Grunt, two Warthogs and 5 foot by 5 foot clump of dirt he was using fell to the ground, and onto him, killing him.
A bell sounded three times in rapid succession, as the referee made hand signals. Cortana's voice now said, "And the winner of this Game is Corporal Mendoza and Bulla Bullalee'!"
Then, the ground inside the skybox turned into a hole, and we fell through it.
Me and Hikaru fell appeared out of thin air, and crashed into the lounge floor.
Aussie walked up to us, and gave us a hand getting up. "Sorry, mates. Hackers're s'posed to-" I cut him off and finished the sentence, predicting what would happen: "-fix it soon. I know."
I looked at my watch, and it said 3:00 P.M., CST. Then, my cell phone ringed. I answered it. It was Mnemisis. "H_K. We got another n00b headed towards your department. Show him around; get 'em comfortable. He'll be gettin' the office on the left side of yours. Ok? Good. He'll be waiting for you just inside the Fan Fic Common Room. Good Luck." The phone went dead.
DING! The elevator opened, and I stepped into the familiar oak wood hall. Entering Fan Fiction, I looked around, and found a person with a name tag on their shirts(only n00bs had to wear those). He said to me, "Mr. Hunter_Killer! Glad you're here! I was attacked by my paper only minutes ago!"
Hawk 7889 was passing by, and he stopped at us. "Hi, H_K. So, gotta get this n00b settled? Lol, god help you. This guy has no clue how to work anything, and is constantly screwing up."
"Hey, Mr!" The n00b said to Hawk, "Didn't my paper attack me?"
"No," Replied Hawk, "You got a paper cut. See, H_K? This guy is hopeless. Well, I better be getting back to my office... see ya!" Then, he was off, and disappeared into a room. The door slammed shut.
I led the n00b to my office, and showed him his. I opened the door, and looked inside. The room was 6' by 5', with a tiny wooden desk crammed in there, along with a creaky old chair. On the desk was a stack of blank paper, and a typewriter dating back to 1930.
You see, when you first join Fan Fiction, an office is automatically created. But it's a rat hole. And I apologize to rat holes for the comparison. For every Fan Fic you make, the room gets one foot wider, and the quality of the instruments at your disposal increases. At 18 Fics, they install a carpet and a window.
The n00b went in, and I said to him, "Fan Fic tight. And don't let the Fan Fiction Bugs bite," As I closed the door.
I could hear his voice from inside his office before the door closed: "Fan Fiction Bugs!? AH! Get em' off me!!!!"
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