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Its Just One of Those Days: Intro
Posted By: Elfster<briane@teleport.com>
Date: 12 June 2003, 6:23 AM
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"Hey sexy, wake up, we're home."
The voice echoed in his head for a moment, followed up by this one thought:
Wtf
"Cortana?" he asked.
*cough cough* "Yes, Chief?"
He rolled over in bed and looked at the hologram of Cortana on the computer terminal next to the bed.
"Is it just me or did you just call my sexy?"
"Thats right stud muffin-Err... Why the hell would i do that? Cheif if I've told you once I've told you a million times: Get your ears checked!"
"Does that mean you've told me a million and one times now?"
"Shut up..."
He crawled out of bed and shuffled randomly about.
"Hey uhh... Cortana, where are my clothes?"
"Oh now if I told you where they were that wouldnt be any fun now would it sexy- I mean.... Their in the closet, of course, Chief..."
"Would you quit calling me sexy?"
"make that a million and two times, Chief..."
"Whatever."
He shuffled back towards the bed, looking along the walls for a closet.
"Closet's that way." said Cortana, pointing outside the room.
"Oh ya, right, i knew that, just got turned around, thats all."
"Whatever you say, sexy."
"A million and 3 times...."
"huh? oh shi- Uhh... What are you talking about?
After a few seconds a voice came from down the hall.
"Wait a second.... They dont have closets in these Long-sword fighters..."
"You're a little slow today arent you, Sexy?"
-Day after the destruction of Halo, in docking bay 06 on some random military base in the middle of nowhere somewhere back on Earth-
The Cheif climbs out of his Longsword fighter and is greeted by all to familiar UNSC marines and crewman that look like the ones that made it off the Pillar of Autumn.
"Where the hell are we?" he asked.
"Docking bay 06 on some random military base in the middle of nowhere somewhere back on Earth. Duh. Cant you read the subtitles?" said Cortana via his MJOLNIR armor.
"Theres subtitles in this game."
"Nope."
"I hate you..."
Their conversation was inerrupted by a very familiar marine;
"Sir! The Captain needs you on the bridge ASAP! Better follow me!
"Waitasec, didnt you say that on the POA? said the cheif.
"Yes, Sir."
"Didnt the POA crash on Halo?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Wait. so shouldnt you be dead?"
"Yes, Sir."
"But I've seen you die like 6 frickin times in Halo. Bungie must really like you or something...."
"Yes, Sir."
"... Hey uhh... Just between you and me... Am I sexy?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Do I need to get my ears checked?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Are you gonna say that all frickin day?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Are you an idiot?"
"No, Sir."
"I frickin hate you..."
-Minutes later, the day after the destruction of Halo, on some random military base somewhere on Earth-
"Captain Keyes!!!" yelled MC, astonished.
"Master Cheif!!!" yelled Captain Keyes, astonished.
They embraced.
"Ok... dude... is this like totally gay and way too girly?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Is that all anyone on this frickin game ever says?"
Captain Keyes then sits down at his desk:
"Please, Cheif, have a seat."
"Gladly- Waitasecond... I thought the Flood got you, and I punched through your head and pulled out your neural implants!"
"Yes, sir."
"WHO THE HELL KEEPS SAYING THAT?"
"Well... you did... "
"Huh... than how are you here?"
"No idea..."
"Riiight."
"Lets get on with business shall we?"
"Yes, sir- SHIT... Now I'm starting to say it.... this is givin' me the creeps."
"Yes, Sir."
"..."
"Cheif, I have a new mission for you, its very important and you're one of the only people equiped to do the job, you're battle suit hould suit you well in this task." said Keyes.
"What is it?"
"A very dangerous task... here at some random military base the day after the destructuon of Halo somewhere on Earth, we're having some problems in the kitchen." he added.
"Such as?"
"Huh?- Oh! Yes, right to the point I see." Keyes stammered.
"... Uhh, Captain, what were you doing under there?" he asked, nodding at the desk.
"Under where?" said the Captain, a little too quickly.
"What about underwear?"
"I was uhh... Changing my underwear, yah..."
"Riiight..."
"Uhh, what were you saying, Sexy?"
"Ya we- UHH... captain... did you just call me Sexy?"
"Yes, sir."
"im gonna kill that guy by the end of this game... Captain, are you gay?"
"Yes, sir."
"AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WHOLE GAME WHO ISN'T GAY!?"
"Yes, sir."
"You know what..."
"Yes, sir."
"No you dont, theres no way you couldve known what before i said what..."
"Yes, Sir?"
"No, sir."
"Yes, Sir."
"Shut up."
"Yes, sir."
"So what was it that you needed me to do?" said the cheif, returning to the point.
"Oh ya," said Keyes, as if coming out of a trance, he pulled a strange looking jar up and put it on the desk. "needed ya to open these pickles for me."
"What...?"
"Told you I knew what."
"but, that was a different what."
"Whatever."
"So you brought me here to open a jar of pickles."
"Yes, sir."
"WOULD YOU QUIT SAYING THAT!?"
"No, sir."
-look for more Its Just One of Those Days episodes coming soon to a browser near you.
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