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ROUND-THINGIE: The Second part to the sequel of the first ROUND-THINGIE
Posted By: Matt Anderson<raptorv22@hotmail.com>
Date: 1 February 2003, 2:39 am
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"Set your pickles to Stun." That memorable line went down in history as the words that launched earth's counter attack. The marines of the 234th HeadBangers regiment were tired. They had been fighting for hours, now, along side by the Master Chief. They had at last broken into the bridge of the ship, and destroyed communications before the parliament could send a distress beacon. The ship, S.S. Minnowski, was theirs.
"I want you people on full combat alert. DO NOT, under any circumstances, fire upon the parliament cruisers. If we are fired upon, then we take the escape pods and hope they don't turn us into super heated plasma with their beam thingies." The chief was used to command after the perilous events of- erm- That round-thingie.. Or whatever the heck it was- "Cortana, I need a combat update of earth." Cortana's disembodied voice filled his head. "Well, we've lost most of Captain Picard's regiment, and McHale's Navy is all but out of service-" The chief spun to face a group of dancing marines, listening to a radio station playing lenny cravat's music. "HEY, quiet down! You people are so dang loud I can't here the voices in my head!! -Sorry, what was that cortana?" The marines abruptly stopped. They stared at him for a little while, as he talked to himself. "I was saying earth is almost done for. Every one is in combat, we're the only reserve." the chief pondered over this. "So what should we do? I could take the thing down into earths orbit and assist some of the other marines, but-" his voice trailed off to the marines, who talked amongst themselves.
"I think he's gone crazy. Look at him. He keeps talking to himself, and thinks theres a cort Anna person or whatever in his head." The other marines nodded. Mendoza, who came from the last Round-Thingie, spoke up. "Nah, man, that's just his AI friend. She's like some funky bitch that tells him what to do and stuff. Cortana is, like, loco, or something, though. She's so screwed up sometimes, we think she might be going, shh, plot spoiler-" he whispered. "Rampant." the other marines gasped.
"Alright. And once we gain control of the high powered servers and X-box live, we can fight massively multiplayer against these parliament biznaches. Sounds good to me." The chief looked at the marines. "Quiet, amongst yourselves. I have a plan. We will fly down to earths orbit, and fly the S.S. Minnowski into the parliament front. We will steal some Banshees located onboard to escape, and Kenny here will stay behind. won't you, Kenny?" the marine Kenny looked shocked, and mumbled to himself.
"Ok. Grab your pickles, nerf guns, Schwartz rings, ribbon dancers, and everything else you might need and follow me. We're gonna kick some parliament Boot-ay."
INTERMISSION
Interactive fun!
Okay, kids, we're gonna have some fun. The next few things will be interactive, so fill it in for fun and see whatchya get!
One day, master chief and (insert name here) went for a walk in (insert place here). They were having fun, until (person's name) spontaneously evolved into a giant man eating (insert sea creatures name here) and suffocated in the oxygen rich environment. The master chief thought all was lost, until a (insert animal name here) wandered up. The chief asked the (animal) for some (insert dairy product here), but the (animal) replied, (insert dirty and blasphemous phrase/phrases here) and that the chiefs mother was a (insert dirty and blasphemous phrase/phrases here) and that the chief should stop being a whiny (insert blasphemous phrase/phrases here). Then the (animal) proceeded to (insert verb here) the chief. The end.
SCENE: Look it up, freak!
Grand Theft Banshee
The following is a spoof of other, lesser fan fictions. Please be advised, the following is extremely hard to read, much less make sense of, and may cause temporal insanity. Reader disgression is advised.
"Sir! My Pickle is outta Juice! I need more, sir!"
"Squeeze harder, soldier! We can't spare any extra Juice when it comes to operations like this."
"Yes, sir, I think I can use my Pickle a little longer, sir!"
"Of course you can. Who's manning the Golf Cart?"
"Me, sir!"
"Who are you? Without the writer putting who said what, its getting awfully confusing on what's going on! Are you pickle boy?"
"No, sir! I am the driver!"
"Shit. Who's pickle by, then?"
"I am, sir."
"I thought you were driver?"
"That's me, sir."
"Damn, this is confusing!"
Thank you. Note the mistakes of others. Now back to.. Round-Thingie
During the intermission the Chief and the 234th fought their way to the docking bay. Yes, you missed out on some terrifically well written action scenes, possibly the best things in this segment. Sucks to be you!
They stole some banshees, and launched out of the bay, heading towards earth. The brave Kenny stayed on board, guiding the warship towards a large Parliament base camp. As the chief lead the formation of 12, he stole a glance at the beautiful planet for which he was risking his life to protect. Then, he realized, he didn't know how to fly a banshee, and hurtled off towards the atmosphere, the marines copying his brilliant tactics. As for what dangers await them, I cannot say. I am a fool, and do know where this story is going. If I find out, I'll let you know, in another exciting episode of..
ROUND-THINGIE
Next time, on ROUND-THINGIE
Cortana find out she's pregnant, and Mendoza is the father! A the jealous Chief chases after him, a war continues as marines fight for earth! This is nonsense, constructed to keep you on the edge of your seat! What will happen! Do you care! Find out next time!
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