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The HBO Experience 2: The Sequel
Posted By: Skul<skulkrusha2000@hotmail.com>
Date: 20 June 2008, 12:13 am
Read/Post Comments
|
COMING TO A STORY ARCHIVE NEAR YOU!!
Coming soon, from the makers of "My first story" and "My second story":
"An generic multiplayer fanfic with a loads of great action*!"
*If you have the mental capacity and attention span of a two-year-old.
Preview Ratings:
"Judging from the title, this fic is probably going to really suck!" – Skul
"Learn good grammar he needs to, yes." – Yoda
"Ummm, no." – Nick Kang
"this looks fanastic! i oragsmed all over the place!" – tk262
AND NOW, YOUR FEATURE PRESENTATION!
One year ago, a man nicknamed "Skul" released the longest and, at the time, only single-chapter fanfic of his HBOFF career. A fic that attempted to span every genre, cliché and idiom of HBOFF's submitted fanfics. He called it The HBO Experience. And while it was well received, it did not come without consequence, as Skul was quickly arrested for writing the said fanfic.
1833 hours, June 15, 2008 (Store-bought Calendar) / HBO Jail, Planet Earth
One year after the events of The HBO Experience…
I had been put into prison under a false charge. I had been stuck in this prison cell for a year without a bed or a shower.
I would've been stuck in here with a n00b, but for some reason, he… it… was paroled before it could make a move to infect me.
One day, my luck changed…
But I didn't know if it would be for the better…
"Attention, all inmates!" barked the prison guard, "Is there a crap author here? You have a new Private Message!"
I was the only inmate left, and whoever it was must have known I hated it when I was called a crap author.
"Excuse me," I called out to the guard, who I couldn't see from my cell, "But I think I'm the only one left. Also, I'm not a crap author, I'm experienced."
"Speak to him yourself. I'm just a middleman."
The guard approached my cell. I could see him clearly, now. He was a tall, muscled man with a brown beard and shades. He looked just like an old wrestler named The Big Boss Man.
He handed me a PDA. I logged into my HBOFF account, opened my PM inbox and read the message
"Hey! This may sound a little strange, but I'm here to bail you out. I'll explain everything once you're outside."
The name of the sender was "Anonymous". I was going to reply to ask who it was, but all I cared about was getting out of that hellhole of a prison.
Within minutes, I was out.
"Free at last! Hello world!" I cried.
I started walking away from the prison, "I still kind of wonder who bailed me out of…"
I stopped when I saw someone familiar. Someone I hadn't seen for a long time. I could only say one thing, "What… the… hell?"
It was MasterSushi. He stood before me in red ancient ninja robes.
Wait a sec… I thought, I just had a good idea. MasterSushi is a ninja. Ninjas know flippin' sweet ninja moves. That, and he's a pretty damn good author. I can adapt to just about anything. So this means…
Skul + MasterSushi's skills = GODLIKE POWER!!
Heck, yes! Flippin' sweet!
So Skul explained how he had gotten arrested, and after a little bit of bargaining, the bone-headed author was trained in the art of what he refers to as 'flippin' sweet ninja moves'. Using his newfound powers, he decided to make a sequel to the fanfic he was previously arrested for making.
Skul presents…
A Maskulpiece Theatre production
The HBO Experience 2: The Sequel
Warning: The following may contain some disturbing writing, including poor parodies, stupidity, bad typing, little or no use of the Code and in-jokes among the HBOFF community. Reader discretion is advised.
O RLY? YA RLY!
1847 hours, June 15, 2008 (Store-bought Calendar) / HBO Jail, Planet Earth
A lone policeman, Officer O'Reilly, stood outside the HBO Jail. Hearing a sound, he turned his head and saw a hunched-over figure in MJOLNIR armour meandering towards him. He rolled his eyes.
"Oh, shit. Here comes Milton."
Milton the Retarded Spartan
by Sum Yung Gye
Milton greeted the lone officer with a friendly, "Durrr!"
"Hey, Milton," said O'Reilly, "What are you up to, tonight?"
"Durrr, Milton poop his pants!" drooled the Spartan.
The officer raised an eyebrow and backed away a step, "Uh… okay… have fun with that…"
Milton started to stagger around, coughing and hacking. Suddenly, he fell face-forward, gurgling on the ground.
"Oh my gosh!" cried O'Reilly, dramatically raising his hands to his head, "Milton collapsed!"
The officer rushed over to Milton's side, "Milton! Are you okay? Speak to me!"
Finding the release mechanism on Milton's helmet, O'Reilly removed it and was taken aback when a thick, watery fluid rushed out.
"Ewww. It looks like he drowned in his own drool."
O'Reilly looked up, "You know, readers, this is pretty disturbing and a little depressing. If you thought this was funny, I'm going to personally find you and get a couple of raunchy Elites to double-rape you!"
hboff
This topic is for posting comments to:
Milton the Retarded Spartan
Posted by Sum Yung Gye (notaol@aol.com)
26 September 2007, 12:00 am
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=sumyunggye1234567890123.html
shutupusukk
furst post w000t! k dis storay wuz prittay crap! idun care wut teh ppl say abowt dese kinds of storays cuz itt jus sukked! 4 an gud storay u shud my seerees supar druapar akshin totil ekstreem teem!
* EXPLOSHIN *
TEH SUPAR DUPAR AKSHIN TOTIL EKSTREEM TEEM!!!
wiht guns!
starrng…
ted -- teh leadar (green spartin)
fred –speshil forses (bloo spatrin)
ned – da snipah! (red spartin)
and intradyoosin pancho sanchez frum mexaco! (brown spartin)
6177 hours 34 dacembar (milatary calendor) 2571
teh teem caushisly kreept frew the daserted town. dey had gotted an raport abowt ZOMBEES! in the towb.
"oh no! lok owt teem!" seded ted
"wot iz it?" ask fred
den dey sow!
"zombies!" TEHY ALL SED!
"braaaaaiiiiiinnnns!" AED TEH ZOMBEES!
TED WURRIED
"WUT SHUD WEE DO?"
NED HAD A IDEA
ILL GOHG ET MEY SNYIR RIFFL!"
FRED SED "PANCHO YOOS YOOR KUNG FUU MOVES TILLL FRE DCAN GET HIM GUNH!"
PANCHO RAN 2 TEH ZOMBES ND DID A ULTRA KEWL KUNGFU KIK!!
aufurs node: sry i didant relise i had teh cap lock on lol srysrysryrsysry
ne way, teh zombees died cuz uf pancho sancgez frum mexicos uber 1337 kickz!
"aaarrgghh!! run anway!! " sed trhe zomvees scaridly.
"ohno tehyr gettin aawy!" seded freded
ned had him riffl "i havem in my syts"
BANG BAGN BAGN!
NED WUZ A GUD SHOTT AND ALL TEH OZBEES DEID!
aufewrs node: sry teh caps lok agen lol sry wont hapen agen ne way teh storay r ffinished now good isant it?
"nise shots fred sed fred to ned i meen ned to fred i meen fred sed to ned good shot no wait................. argh teh snypur wuz tuld he wuz an guid shut! lol!
ted teh leedur sed "grate job teem!!! nwo letz go bak 2 base an selabrate!"
2 B CUNTINYOOD!
hboff
This topic is for posting comments to:
SUPAR DUPAR AKSHIN TOTIL EKSTREEM TEEM
Posted by expertwritter (conetactme4writtintipz@myhouse)
26 September 2007, 6:00 pm
http://halosn.bungie.org/fanfic/?story=expertwritte0987654321098.html
(ENS) Rabid_Gallagher
Oh God, not you, again!
Ark Night
Just because you use the Code, that doesn't mean your story doesn't suck!
Skul
My eyes! Ze goggles do nothing!
I fail to see how someone can grasp the code, but not basic GPS!
shutupusukk
wtf is up wt u ppl!!!!??/ i try my f**king best at wriitting nd al i get bak is taht i suk! no u suk u suk u usk u suk suk!!!!!!!!
BlasTech
Look, kid, flaming us isn't going to help.
You're lacking terribly in basic writing skills, and some social skills, too, judging from your posts.
We can help you get better at writing, but you have to want to get better. PM me if you want some help. I'd suggest not submitting any more chapters of this story until you get a little better. Well, a lot better. You should also seriously consider a name change. That one isn't going to win you any friends, here or any other place.
- Dave.
Dave submitted his post on the HBOFF forum just as the door opened and an angry-looking man with a parrot cradled in his arms walked in.
It had been a slow month in The Master Chief's Bar 'N' Grill. In the hopes of increasing customers, the Chief had added a pet shop to the bar. This did nothing but increase the workload on Dave and the Master Chief, who had called in sick that morning, leaving Dave to handle everything on his own.
"Hello!" said the man with the parrot in a very English accent, "I wish to register a complaint! Hello? Miss?"
Dave stood up, "What do you mean 'miss'?"
"Uh… sorry. I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint."
"We're closed for the evening—"
Dave was interrupted before he could finish with 'Sir', "Never mind that, my lad!" said the parrot-man, "I wish to complain about this parrot that I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique!"
"Ah, yes. The Norwegian Blue," said Dave, "What's wrong with it?"
The man's scowl deepened, "I'll tell you what's wrong with it – it's dead! That's what's wrong with it!"
Thinking quickly, Dave said the first thing that came into his mind, "Nonono! He's not dead, he's resting!"
"Alright, then! If he's resting, I'll wake him up!"
The customer raised the bird to his mouth and shouted, "Hello, Polly! I got a nice cuttlefish for you when you wake up, Polly Parrot!"
In a quick motion, Dave nudged the parrot and then said, "There! He moved!"
The parrot-man's scowl went deeper, "No, he didn't! That was you hitting the bird!"
"I did not!"
"Yes, you did!"
To prove his point, the man shouted in the parrot's ear, again, "Hello, Polly! Wakey, wakey! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!"
The parrot-man then repeatedly slammed the bird on the shop's counter. Five slams later, the bird lay on the counter, stiff.
"Now that's what I call a dead parrot!"
"No, no – he's stunned!" said Dave.
The parrot-man passed a hand over his face, "Look, my lad, I've had about enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased."
Dave, opened his mouth to speak, but his customer beat him to it, "And when I bought this parrot not half an hour ago, you assured me its total lack of movement was due to it being tired and shagged out after a long squawk!"
"He's probably pining for the fjords."
"Pining for the fjords? What kind of talk is that? Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got home, and I discovered the only reason it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been nailed there!"
"Well, of course he was nailed there. Otherwise, he would've nuzzled up to those bars and voom!"
"Look, matey! This parrot wouldn't 'voom' if I put four-thousand volts through it! He's bleeding demised!"
"No, he's pining—"
The customer cut him off, "He's not pining! He's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! He's expired and gone to meet his maker! This is a late parrot! He's a stiff! Bereft of life, he rests in peace, and if you hadn't nailed him to the perch, he'd be pushing up the daisies! He's run down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This… is an ex-parrot!"
Dave thought for a moment, and then said, "Well, I'd better replace it, then."
The customer handed over the parrot and Dave began looking for a replacement.
"If you want anything done in this country, you've got to complain until you're blue in the mouth…" said the parrot-man, half to himself.
"Sorry, but we're all out of parrots," apologised Dave.
"I see. I see. I get the picture…"
"…I've got a slug."
The customer looked at him for a moment, "Does it talk?"
Dave shrugged, "Not really, no."
"Well, it's scarcely a replacement, then, is it?"
This story will continue next week. Now, though, a word from the author.
Sitting behind an ornate wooden desk, Skul put on the spectacles, which he still didn't need. He had no idea why he wore them when he sat at that particular desk – it just felt right.
Speaking to nobody in particular, he said, "And now for something completely different."
Multiplayer Recreations
by every newbie ever
The peacefulness of Valhalla was shattered as the first bursts of gunfire erupted. Explosions rocked the earth and threw dirt and rubble into the air. The sounds of people splashing through creeks aided in turning the once-quiet valley into a cacophony of noise.
driel129603472416 aimed his Assault Rifle at the Elite known only as I_U53_NUMB3R5_IN5734D_0F_13773R5. Before he could squeeze off a round, Vegeta9001 mêlée'd him in the back. After quickly teabagging driel, he fired his Sniper Rifle and managed to strike 13773R5 in the head, awarding him with the Headshot Honcho Achievement.
"Finally," cried Vegeta, "My Gamerscore is over nine-thousaaaaand!"
Unfortunately, his jubilation was short-lived, as his rival, Goku777, came charging at him with an Energy Sword.
Vegeta ducked to avoid the first swing and jumped over the second. In mid-air, Vegeta switched to his Spiker and peppered Goku, who was skipping daintily from side to side, avoiding the majority of the oncoming spikes.
Suddenly, Goku stopped moving, and acted as if he didn't notice Vegeta's Spiker attack. He held up a hand to signal Vegeta to stop firing. The Spiker attacked stopped and Goku put away his sword.
"What is it?" asked Vegeta after he landed, his voice just barely understandable through his helmet's voice-masking.
Another combatant ran by, but stopped and walked near when he realised they weren't fighting.
"What's going on?" asked the newcomer.
"Hey, Nemesis, Vegeta," said Goku, "Do you ever wonder why we're fighting in this valley?"
"All the time, man," replied Vegeta, "In fact, I don't even know who we're fighting for!"
"Yeah," chimed in Nemesis, "I don't get why we keep fighting here. And another thing; why do we all have these ridiculous, overused or hard-to-say 'names'?"
"I don't know about you, but I quit this job, assuming that what this is!" said Goku, "I didn't spend a whole month in night school for this!"
"Me too!" said Nemesis, "I'm quitting this job, getting a real name and going back to cleaning septic tanks."
"And I'm going back to male prostitution. As for my job, I'll be going back to tele-surveying, " said Vegeta.
There was an airy-explosion sound and a swirling vortex appeared, growing larger every second. Inside the vortex, infinite ones and zeroes swirled around endlessly. The small group stared at it in confusion.
"What the hell is going on?" asked Goku.
"It appears we tore a hole in multiplayer logic by using rational thinking," said Nemesis.
The vortex grew larger still and the three felt their bodies twist and contort as their molecules separated.
"I'm going to miss you, Vegeta!" cried Goku.
"I love you!" Vegeta cried back.
Before Nemesis could say anything, himself, the vortex consumed the space they were standing in. The last thing Nemesis saw was their service tag numbers swirling into infinity – O00 and M16.
How original, he thought sarcastically, as his own service tag, L01, followed them.
Meanwhile…
run on halo
by Ruben Hernendez Acrobudiac Jimmy-Joe-Jacob-Johnson Aldwardio ShornSimianScrotum the 3rd
the master chief collected his grenades and battle rifle for the coming battle outside he met corporal chuck point wheres the enemy asked the master chief right over that hill sir answered the corporal okay lets move said the chief and they both ran towards the sounds of gunfire and plasma discharges when they reached the hill and the chief looked down at the mayhem he spotted sergeant johnson battling with three other marines against a group of grunts the chief primed a plasma grenade and threw it at a jackal that had spotted him the grenade stuck brightened and then exploded the jackal flew back knocking over some of its companions we have to get out of here said the corporal point no said the chief we have to help okay what do we do asked the corporal is there a way down to sergeant johnson that we could use well said corporal point theres a path over there but i heard the covenant laid some plasma mines and deployed a few soldiers there thats all i need to know said the chief and he and the corporal made their way to the path to meet up with sergeant johnson
1900 hours, June 15, 2008 (Store-bought Calendar) / Outside HBO Fanfic Building, Planet Earth
Putting down the PDA with the hastily written run-on fanfic submission on it, Skul blinked rapidly and wondered why Wu had allowed it through. The admin was getting very lax these past few years. It seemed like anything was allowed through, now. He remembered seeing what looked like a script for a Japanese show with the imaginative title of Untitled.
Next to Skul was the Master Chief's Cousin. The two sat on the steps outside the HBO Fanfic building. The summer sunset painted the streets a vibrant orange-yellow and cast long shadows that climbed the steps behind the two authors.
"Nice sunset, eh, MCC?" asked Skul.
"Sure is, Skul, especially with that HDR lighting," answered the cousin of the Master Chief.
"So, do you spend all day out here?"
"Yeah. HBOFF only lets me in when I need to write a fanfic or to quell a heated argument."
MCC turned to fully face Skul, "Weren't you in prison? How'd you get out?"
"Let's just say it involves a few ninjas and a lot of money," Skul stood up, "And now I can do this."
Skul twirled like a whirlwind, spinning so fast, he was just a Skul-shaped blur. Suddenly, he stopped spinning. In his right hand, he held a sharp-edged steel keyboard with a handle where the number pad should have been and in his left, a steel Number 2 pencil, the tip sharpened to a deadly point.
"Tada! Pretty cool, huh?" asked Skul, striking a pose too awesome to be described.
MC's Cousin edged away from Skul, slowly stood up and then rocketed away, screaming, from the bone-headed author who scared him badly. Skul was gaining experience fast… too fast for a normal author, and that was bad – it meant he would eventually become competition and he had enough of that with the other established and talented authors. Even though Skul was now an Old Skooler, he was still a new Old Skooler.
Skul looked out at the street and saw several HBODSTs coming towards him armed with Assault Rifles.
Halo.Bungie.Org Drop Shock Troopers: Chapter 7
by Hadesjumper
HBO… they knew what I was doing…
They knew I was making a sequel to my fanfic, The HBO Experience. On HBO, it's illegal to write a fanfic that strings several stories together while being a crap author.
I knew they were here to arrest me for my actions…
Little did they know how powerful I had become…
"Freeze!" yelled a particularly large HBODST, "Mr. Skul, you are under arrest for violating Code 343!"
They were still to learn the power I possessed. I used the ancient body flicker technique taught to me by MasterSushi. Using this technique, I was able to make it look like I had rapidly vanished.
"What the fuck? He disappeared!" cried the large Shock Trooper, "How the fuck could somebody vanish into thin air like that?"
How? I'm a fucking ninja! That's how!
From my new vantage point a few storeys up in a nearby building, I threw a sharp-edged keyboard key with fucking masterful accuracy and struck a Trooper in the side of the head. The key impacted with a wet shink sound and the Trooper fell, blood slowly seeping from the wound.
HBO, and even the whole fucking world for that matter, had yet to see my true fucking power. I had become a fucking unstoppable killing machine…
HBO would need more than their petty soldiers to fight me…
And yet, they still didn't learn from their mistakes; I saw the fuckers turn towards me. They swarmed towards the door of the building. I heard their shouts in the corridors.
"Move in! Look for that fucking fuckface!"
Then, very close, I heard one shout, "Over there! We found him!"
I wasn't facing them, but I felt them aiming their rifles at my back.
"We have you surrounded, Mr. Skul!"
I didn't react. I wasn't scared of those fuckers.
"Mr. Skul!" from the voice, I knew it was the large HBODST, "You have five seconds to put your hands up or you will be shot!"
Of course, I didn't raise my hands. Why should I do what they say? They fucking locked me up and called me a crap fucking author!
He counted down from five, all the while, I never moved.
"Open fire!" yelled the HBODST.
There was a cacophony of noise as the rifles spat their rounds at me. They never touched me, though; they passed through me and again, I disappeared.
"What the fuck?" said the Trooper, who I guessed was in command, "He fucking dissolved! What the fuck is going on? Fuck!"
I was behind them. I used the oldest trick in the book: set up a decoy, let the enemy attack it, and then attack them while they're not looking.
I threw four sharp-edged keyboard keys, each intended for a specific soldier, and they hit their marks. All too easy… none of them even saw me…
As I left the scene, I kind of wondered what happened to the Master Chief's Cousin…
MCC ran far and away,
He felt like running forever and a day,
Fleeing from an author too quickly learning,
He felt it was from Hades, or Hell, or something.
A ship he ran past,
Ran past very fast,
Look back he did not,
Is it after me, he thought.
Then, at once,
OH SH—! A LION! >:3
Humany looked out of the ship at the lion, wondering what one was doing in the middle of a city.
"Maybe from zoo?" he said to himself. Then, nodding, "Yes, from zoo," said Humany, who was not exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer. You could say his antenna doesn't pick up all the channels. In other words, there's no grain in the silo. It's all foam, no beer. The cheese slid off his cracker. He… you get the picture.
Humany the Human
by Ekoja Sisiht
Humany were sitting in the cockpit of a Pelican, which he thought was called a Flamingo. Humany were the co-pilot and handle the weapons. His "Flamingo" (Pelican) was carring right now at this moment: two guys with batttle rifles, two guys with assault rifles and four guys with rocker launchers. They were a force too be reconed with. "hey copilot you ready?" asked the pilot, "Were enetering a hot zone so be ready too fire."
"OK" said Humany.and he armed the armamants which was: machine gun on the nose and two missiles pods on the wings. The lion ran away and Humany was glad becuase he didnt want to have too shoot the lioon.
Then the back door opened up and the guys in thee back ran out. Humany saw a Elite standing infront of him. Humany fired bullets from the machine gun but the elite jumpde out of the way. It armed three of Humanys own greandes which Humany wondered how the Elite had got without being near him. The elite threw the gernades and they exploded and destoryed the ship.
Somehow, Humany survived being inside a ship that were gote destrpyed. All the guys that were in the back was now dead by the Elite. "Oh no!" thought Humany, "Maybe its still out there" he got out and looked and saw it walking away. "Oh good." said Humany.
He found a Ghost (which he thought was called a Ghoul). He ride it up too a soldier and ask "Where is everyone?"
"Stupid one-dimensional character! They are at the other end of that tunnel, but watch out because some Elites went down their too, so watch out, stupid one-dimensional character!"
Humany went to the tunnel and wondered wjy the soldier had insulted him twice for no reason.
Humany could here battles up ahead, "Here I go!!!" he thought.
But he saw a rocket coming. Humany tried to drive away but it hit him. He felt pain as the explodes ran over hhis body.
Yeah bad ending I know but i'll make it better next time. Comment and rate 10 plz!
BREAKING NEWS!
A huge army has been reported to be massing on the streets of Internet City. We now go live to the scene.
SeverianofUrth raced through the streets on foot, having forgotten to fuel up his Warthog. He had gotten an urgent radio alert from one of his marines about a huge army moving unsteadily through the city streets.
Severian rounded a corner and saw his troops standing behind a line of concrete barricades, their weapons at the ready.
"Commander Sev!" cried a marine, "We have got a helluva problem!"
"I know," replied Severian, "I tried to get here as soon as I could. What's going on?"
"n00bs, sir! Millions of them!"
The Commander looked out past the barricades and saw the sea of n00bs that seemed to go on forever. The n00bs stood stock-still, their misshapen, virulent forms unmoving.
"How many millions?" asked Severian with a sinking feeling in his guts.
"They got a crowd going all the way back to the derelict Posting Practice area. You know, the area one-hundred-and-seventeen miles away?" replied the marine, "It's been a stand-still all evening."
Severian felt his guts sink down past his knees.
The ocean of n00bs was alive with the babble of incomprehensible shit.
"im teh juggarnaut biiiaaatch!!"
"zomg turn down teh lag kthxx!1!!
"zerg rush kekekeke!!!11!"
"j00 r teh n00b & i r teh win!!!"
One of the few armed n00bs at the front of the ocean raised its battle rifle and fired a burst at the small group of marines. The burst was wildly inaccurate, but one bullet struck a young Private in the arm. It was more than enough to start the battle.
"Open fire!" shouted the Commander.
The n00bs slowly marched forward, ignoring the assaults of withering fire cutting them down.
"Don't stop!" Severian yelled over the constant rattle of automatic fire, "The only good n00b is a dead n00b!"
Cue funky Halo Theme Battle Remix No. 7.
"And now for something completely different," said Skul, still sitting at the ornate wooden desk.
1222 hours, May 24, 2004 (Store-bought Calendar) / Halo.Bungie.Org
ULTImATE Vattle pqrt One
by Darren
The Ma Chief ran duck besides wall.
"lLOoks out! For the enamise"" souted Cratana. Hellp said otdstdts guy helllp[ me!"
"Run get him said cortana "ok chief" said john,
Joghn Chief Master Fired Lost ovar boolats., and kile dthe huntres tath was atnatacking the odsdtdtsdts whatever it is teh guy getan attacked.;
"thks chief guy u are hero!" teh sayvd guy had krussh onJohn and He striped down to an thong.
"Ooh aah oogh" yel screemed Jhon in pleshur.
"Stop hev fun and kil anymeys" John said Cortatna.
"He ony wants toop thqnk m3"
Captin Ketyes said "good too seee yoo Maser Chef" and "Master CHief " said "Captain" Keys."
"GO to earth and shoot enememeies" sohuted Keys.
"OK soad chief"
He goed to warhthogs and took onew and drivd it to earth,.
John driv edhis warthug ro teh batlke grunds whur Sertgunt Johnosn was. He saw sokme jackels and sot them with rifl assult.
"Sargant JOnhson said " chief help we have grunntrs"
The Master chief fired him dassaultr ilfe killing THree gruntss "Gruns douns he yeled into his helmet" Good job" john! Keyes screamed]. Sargent Johnson ran up to the Spartani and took his h&at off? Kissed him
THE ENDD
And now, back to the previous fic…
The marines were having a hard time. The Scorpions they had called in weren't helping to sway the battle in their favour. The armed n00bs had finally figured out how to fire their weapons and were having a hell of a time.
"Don't let any of them through!" shouted a nameless Corporal.
The n00bs continued to advance, heedlessly stepping over their fallen comrades.
"LEEEEROOOOOOY JEEEENKIIIIIINS!!1"
"ZOMG rush teh baricaed!!"
"WTF rez plz!"
"lol n00b! u got pwnzered!"
"STFU!! HAX!!"
The inane babble was extremely irritating. The need to stop it made the marines fight harder.
"Hold the line!" shouted one marine.
"Shit! They're breaking through!" yelled another as the n00bs reached the concrete barricades.
The n00bs swarmed over the defences and through the gaps in-between, killing and infecting anyone they could.
"Don't hold the line! Fall back!" cried yet another marine.
Severian looked despairingly at the falling ranks of marines from afar.
"This is hopeless…" he said to himself, "We'd need more than an army to fight these bastards."
"I think I can get you what you need, Sev," said a voice behind him.
Severian turned and saw Skul standing with his steel keyboard hanging at his waist.
"Hey!" exclaimed Severian, "You're… uh… that guy who writes those fanfics."
"Skul?"
"Yeah… whoa! Nice keyboard! Where'd you get it?"
"'New Keyboard Jutsu'. It's basic stuff," replied Skul.
"Oh. So, what are you doing here?"
"I think I have the solution to your little n00b problem, but first you need to tell me where Wado is."
Meanwhile, at the HBOFF main building…
MCC ran past Jillybean's office, still screaming. He noticed that the door was open and he could hear someone's voice. The voice was definitely not Jilly's. He looked in and saw Codyman typing on the PC, dictating as he typed.
"Skul, I am deeply offended by your spoof of Grunty the Grunt. You ruined my original artistic vision by bastardising a once-serious fanfic. Grunty the Grunt is supposed to be artistic and meaningful, not like that god-forsaken eyesore you did!"
MCC frowned. He knew Codyman wasn't one of the moderators, so why was he here?
"Furthermore," continued Codyman, "I believe you should ask the admin to pull your fanfic from the site—"
"Codyman?" said MCC, "What the hell are you doing here?"
"Uh… I was just… uh… nothing! I was doing nothing!"
"You're not part of the team, are you?"
"No…"
"Aren't these PCs for team members only?"
"I guess…"
"I know Jillybean hasn't been here for a while, but that doesn't mean you can use her PC."
"Um…"
"So if you're not on the team and you're using a team PC, why are you here?"
"I don't know! I just wanted to use the team PCs! I didn't expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition!"
There was a fanfare and three men dressed in red uniforms rushed into the room.
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
MCC and Codyman looked at each other then back at the Spaniards.
"Our chief weapon is surprise! Surprise and fear! Uh… fear is one. Our two weapons are fear and surprise… and ruthless efficiency. Our three weapons are fear, surprise and ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope… eh… four… amongst our weapons… um…"
MCC and Codyman stared at them.
"Uh… we'll come in again…"
The three fled the room.
"I wasn't expecting a kind of Spanish Inquisition," said Codyman.
There was a fanfare and three men dressed in red uniforms rushed into the room.
"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!"
The lead Spaniard drew himself up.
"Amongst our weaponry are such diverse elements as fear, surprise, ruthless efficiency and an almost fanatical devotion to the Pope! And nice red uniforms!"
He slapped his palm to his face, "Oh damn!"
The leader turned to the inquisitor on his left, "I can't say it. You'll have to say it."
"What?"
"You'll have to say the bit about 'Our chief weapons are…'"
"I couldn't do that!"
The three fled the room.
"I wasn't expecting a kind of Spanish Inquisition," said Codyman.
There was a fanfare and three men dressed in red uniforms rushed into the room.
The new Spaniard announcer spoke shakily, "Uh… nobody… uh… expects… uh… nobody expects the… uh… Spanish… uh…"
The lead Spaniard facepalmed again, "Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition," he said in a low voice.
"Yeah… uh… nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! In fact those that do expect the Sp—"
"Our chief weapons are…"
"Our chief weapons are… uhh… our chief w—"
"Stop that!" the leader cried, "We'll try this once more!"
The three fled the room.
"I wasn't expecting a kind of Spanish Inquisition," said Codyman.
"Not again!" moaned MCC.
No fanfare sounded and the Inquisitors didn't appear.
"Hey!" shouted Codyman, "I said I wasn't expecting a kind of Spanish Inquisition!"
Still nothing.
Codyman went out into the hall, "Hey! I said I wasn't ex—" he froze.
"Sweet mother of Grunty!"
The hallway was splattered with blood. The Spanish Inquisition lay dead on the floor. Standing over them was Skul, his keyboard covered in as much blood as he was.
"Hey guys! I took care of your little 'Spanish Inquisition' problem. Have you seen Wado anywhere?"
MCC looked with horror at Skul, "It's the beast! The Anti-Chief, coming to live among us for seven years! Truly these are the end of days!"
"Codyman," said Skul, "I heard you saying something about my Grunty the Grunt spoof. What did you say?"
Downstairs, in the HBO Tavern…
Sitting at the bar, Guardian, Mad Max and Phædrus heard several loud noises coming from above.
"Hey," said Guardian, "Did any of you hear that?"
"I'm pretty sure it was just someone beating the servers with a hammer again," said Phædrus.
Suddenly, a hyperactive child ran over to the three, twitching and shouting like a spastic.
"yoyoyyo!!! WAZZZUUUUP!!!"
"Whoa! What the fuck?" exclaimed Max.
"hey every1!!! red my storay!!! it roxors!!! lollololol!!!"
The three looked at him.
"Who the hell are you?" asked Guardian.
"i'm expertwritter!!! i maike teh supar dupar akshin totil ekstreem teem fics!!! i've goat a knew caraktir in my storay!!! use him in you're fics!!!"
The three sighed, pulled out their PDAs and quickly scanned through the crapfest.
Phædrus cleared his throat, "Uh… your 'storay' is just a random collection of bad grammar, punctuation and spelling with no real plot behind it. And your characters are completely ridiculous. Why the hell would anyone use them?"
"And people rarely read your fics…" chimed in Guardian, "So I don't even know if it's possible to put your characters in any of ours; they aren't established."
"no u n00bs!!! u cin put tehm in a knew seiries!!! xcept yuo gotta give me allll teh credat 4 usin my carackturz!!!"
"Hey," said Max, "Nobody wants to use your poorly written, unbelievable abominations you call characters and they certainly don't want to write a series based around them where you get one-hundred percent of the credit!" he turned to face the bar, "Hey! Bartender!"
Azrael popped up from the floor, "Yeees? How may I help you?"
Max pointed over at expertwritter, "Give the new guy the 'special'."
"ya!!! gimme da speshal!!! i cud use sumthing 2 drink!!!
"Coming riiight up…" said Azrael then threw a device at expertwritter. It hit the author on the head, dropped to the floor and activated. The author flew up and his head went through the ceiling. He floated there, suspended by the Portable Gravity Lift, moaning dazedly. The four were too busy laughing to notice Codyman and MCC running behind them with a keyboard-wielding Skul in pursuit.
And now for something completely different…
Pelican M
by FryeUpp117
Markus Easel, known as Markus Easel to his friends, piloted his Pelican M dropship towards the battle, wishing he could participate directly, but all he had been ordered to do since the war started on Earth was make pickups and drop-offs.
Dropping his speed, he glided towards the marines who were falling back. He set his bird down behind a large rock formation and opened the bay doors, waiting for the marines to board.
Oh my, how incredibly dull this is, he thought, as large blue and green globs of plasma flew overhead, exploding a few metres away and turning the sand into smooth glass.
"We're in! Go, go, go!" yelled the marine commander.
With a sigh, Markus closed the bay doors and piloted the Pelican M and lifted off to get the marines to the temporary field base just over three kilometres away.
Anti-aircraft fire exploded around the ship, never touching it. Not even the shockwaves reached his Pelican.
Nothing happens to me, ever…
"Markus!"
The voice of his co-pilot, Mattes, brought him back to his boring reality.
"What is it?" he asked her, not really caring.
"You're drifting off-course! Pay attention!"
Lazily, he turned the ship a few degrees left to get it back on track.
"What's wrong with you?" asked Mattes.
"Nothing," replied Markus, "I just wish I could do more than pick up marines and drop them off. I want to fight, like I used to. It's so boring, now."
There was an explosion and a Banshee, which had apparently been in close pursuit, rocketed over the cockpit canopy, smoke trailing from the fire raging inside the partially destroyed craft. It rolled right and collided with a Wraith. Both vehicles exploded spectacularly, but Markus just sighed and continued piloting his simple little Pelican over the battlefield as skirmishes and fights broke out both below and around him.
He was Markus Easel, and 'Excitement' was not his middle name.
It was Paynt.
And now back to Skul: The Quest of the Author, already in progress…
0927 hours, June 16, 2008 (Store-bought Calendar) / HBOFF Building, Planet Earth
I know I shouldn't be doing this, but the safety of the planet is in his hands…
This was my thought as I climbed the stairs to the top floor of HBOFF. After seven flights, I saw it. Wado's private room, number 2401. A secret, sacred place known only to the HBOFF staff. I was able to find it thanks to MCC, who was so afraid of me that he gladly spilled the beans in return for me promising not to slice him open.
Wado knows of a flippin' sweet ninja move which I could use to defeat the n00b army. I had it in mind when I talked to Severian, but I didn't know how to properly pull it off.
I entered Wado's large, well-lit room. It was built like a martial arts dojo, not to my surprise.
I saw the Head Moderator kneeling at the far end of the room, his hands together, apparently in deep meditation.
"Master Wado. I need your help."
The Head Moderator's eyes slowly opened and he looked up at me. When he saw me, his expression changed from calm, to surprise, to slight irritation.
"Skul? What are you doing here? This is my secret, sacred room! I should ban you for this!"
I knew I had to be direct for him to listen to me, so I told him straight out, "The n00bs have grown beyond our control. Soon, they will spread through the forums as they've spread through the city. Nobody can stop them… except for me."
I could see the cynicism on the Head Moderator's face.
"I need you to teach me the technique for self-duplication," I told him, "That way, I'll have an entire army ready to fight the n00bs."
Wado stood up and walked towards me. He looked me up and down, an expression of mild disgust on his face.
"Skul," he said, crossing his arms, "I saw what you did earlier when the HBODSTs came after you, and all of that stuff you pulled off was for newbies! What makes you think I would teach you such an awesome power?"
"The fate of the fanfic community hangs in the balance! That, and I'm writing this fic. I could very easily have you lose your balls down a plot hole."
Sweat appeared on Wado's forehead, "Dammit! You're right!"
Taking a deep breath, he started to talk, "There's one jutsu, known as the Multiple Shadow Clone Technique, which allows you to create multiple copies of yourself that are capable of fighting back. An anime character named Naruto has it as his signature move. Now, I normally don't watch anime, but when I saw it on YouTube, I became intrigued and as to how to perform it. After studying it, and mastering it, I found this jutsu quite useful for destroying the spambots that invade the forum. However, it requires a large reserve of chakra*, especially if you want to make an army."
*Chakra is a biophysical energy force which all flippin' sweet ninja moves run on.
"I don't think we have to worry about that," I said, "I've taken a Reiki course. My chakras are fully aligned and open. Now, teach me the technique and we'll be celebrating our victory by the afternoon."
However, back in the stairwell, three figures were climbing the stairs rapidly.
"This way!" cried one of them, "MCC told me where he went!"
The three figures rushed into the room. Skul turned to face them.
"Skul! We've had enough! We've come to battle you!" said one who looked like a fighter pilot. The number thirty-six was printed on his jacket. Next to him were two other oddly dressed characters – a demented-looking clown and a fellow with mirrored sunglasses who had a peculiar 'wolfish' look to him.
It was Sterfrye36, Chuckles and Commander Demitri Wolf.
"…The hell? What's this about?" asked Skul.
"I'm here for revenge!" said Chuckles, "Revenge for your awful parody of Short Tales of Terror in your fic The HBO Experience!"
"And I'm here to stop your from making your sequel so nobody will be distracted from the next chapter of Longsword R," said Sterfrye.
"And I'm here because… uh… I don't know why I'm here. I guess I just like to pick fights," added Demitri.
"And we're not gonna take it, anymore!" cried Sterfrye, slamming his fist into his palm, "Prepare to die!"
"Go ahead! Fight me!" said Skul, confidently, "The best thing about being me…"
Suddenly, twenty more Skuls appeared behind the boneheaded author.
"…is that there are so many me's."
Skul conjured up his best evil laugh.
"Someone say my name?" asked me.
"Get out of here!" shouted Wado, "Damn it, why is everyone coming into my room?"
"Sorry," said the author with the problematic name, and left.
The Skul clones stepped closer.
"Forget it, Skul," said Sterfrye, "A Matrix Reloaded spoof isn't going to make this fic any funnier."
"Hey! At least my comedies aren't a bunch of self-depreciating jokes!" retorted Skul.
"At least my comedies aren't a bunch of in-jokes and Halo references!"
"But mine are really popular."
"But every separate chapter of Longsword R will have more views than your The HBO Experience ever will!"
"Yeah, but that's only because you've got a fanbase for it. Besides, at least I finish the fics I start!"
"No you don't! You haven't released a chapter of Code n 0 0 b in months!"
'You got served!' said a voice in Skul's head.
"Oooh! It's on like Donkey Kong, now!" yelled Skul.
Skul with the twenty Skul clones and Sterfrye, Chuckles and Demitri ran at each other.
"Don't hurt me! I'm too good-looking to die!" cried Wado as he ran for cover.
"For the hoard!" yelled Skul-07.
"Chaaarge!" bellowed Skul-14.
The two opposing forces collided.
"Bitch! Respect mah authoritah!" cried Sterfrye as he sidekicked Skul-19 into three other Skul clones before being tackled by three more clones.
"Ow! Help me! Ouch! Ow! Pain! Icky pain!" hollered Sterfrye, trying to block the blows from the three clones who had forced him to the ground.
Demitri felled two Skul clones and turned to face two more, aware that a third was also rushing over.
The wolfy one dodged each punch thrown and kick launched.
"Stop trying to hit me and hit me!" taunted Demitri.
Chuckles chuckled as he roundhouse kicked Skul-04 and sent him flying backwards into a wall.
"Haha! You got Chuckles Norris'd!" laughed the evil clown.
Skul-06 raised his fists. Chuckles simply smiled, evilly, "I can dance all day! Try and hit me!"
A dropkick to his head a second later from Skul-10 made him wish he hadn't said that.
"Not so funny, now, eh, funny man?" said Skul-10 as he and Skul-06 began clobbering him as he lay on the ground.
Four clones surrounded Demitri. Sterfrye and Chuckles were down – he was on his own.
The clone behind the Commander snatched off Wolf's sunglasses.
"Jinkies! My glasses! I can't be seen without my glasses!" cried Demitri, covering his eyes.
The Skul clones took this chance to throw Demitri out one of the many windows. Luckily for the throwee, there was a window cleaner's platform just outside the chosen window. The force of Demitri landing on the platform caused it to quickly fall to the second floor windows.
"Could you throw me my sunglasses?" Demitri shouted from below.
The clone holding the Commander's sunglasses, Skul-02, dropped them out of the window.
"Thank you!" Demitri called back up.
The real Skul walked up to Wado, who sat cowering, but in a brave, authoritave way, in a corner.
"Master Wado. The fight's over."
Wado looked up, "It appears you've proven yourself," he said, "Where did you learn to fight like that?"
"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."
"Hmmm. Well, if we're going to catch the n00b army, we'd better hurry. Until then, let's show the readers one more fic. Remember – show, don't tell."
Never Played Halo
by sci_fi_halo_expert
Halo, the general of the forces of the solar system, looked at the city. He was needed there. He saw explosions and heard the sounds of laser rifles and plasma bazookas.
Halo put on his lightweight power armour which allowed him to run over 200 mph and jump over 100 feet in the air! It also increased his strength to the point that he could punch his way through a mountain without getting tired!
He grabbed a laser pistol and a sniping shotgun that allowed him to hit enemies far away like they had been hit with a shotgun at close range. It also had a grenade launcher that launched grenades that could destroy a tank in one hit!
Halo jumped over a high wall and landed in the middle of a pack of lizard-like aliens with huge horns on their heads and large mouths.
One of them roared, but Halo quickly pulled out his laser pistol and shot the lizard in the mouth. The laser shot through the lizard's head into its brain. Yellow blood splattered on the ground. The other 9 lizards roared and took out their plasma miniguns. Halo jumped up just as they fired and they all accidentally killed each other except for 2. 100 feet in the air, Halo used his sniping shotgun to launch a grenade. The grenade exploded and killed the 2 lizards!
Halo landed and looked over at a tunnel. 2 soldiers with hydraulic legs stomped towards him. Halo was too early from the battle with the lizards and he aimed at the soldiers, but the weapon didn't fire because it could tell the difference between an enemy and a friend and locked up. It locked down when he stopped aiming. Before the soldiers could say anything, 5 long shapes flew over them. They were flying alien tanks!!!
Halo loaded his grenade launcher and fired at one. It exploded beautifully and the soldiers cheered. The other 4 tanks turned and fired rocket missiles which were twice as powerful as rockets and missiles, but not as powerful as the super rockets fired from a super rocket launcher, but Halo didn't have one of them, he only had his sniping shotgun with its grenade launcher which he loaded and fired at 3 of the flying tanks. He missed the 4th one and the rocket missiles exploded behind him. He flew threw the air and the soldiers were dead! Their hydraulic legs flew over Halo and he almost cried because they were good men and had died. He was angry and jumped up to the 4th tank. Using his bare hands, he ripped the turret off and used it to bash the tank in! He heard the alien inside scream in pain.
"That's what you get for killing those men, alien scumbag! Taste the pain!" said Halo.
He hit the tank again and jumped off. It fell to the ground and exploded. Halo stood defiantly with his back to the explosion. He didn't get to stand and think long because an insect-type monster jumped at him with a laser knife! Halo was a little scared because those things could pierce his almost indestructible armour! He fired his sniping shotgun, but missed! The insect alien jumped over his head and swiped at him. Halo ducked and then did a backflip over the aliens head and shot it with his sniping shotgun. Its head was its only weak point so Halo shot their and the alien's head exploded!
Halo looked up and saw a human dropship. It landed and the cockpit opened up.
"Good work, sir!" said a sergeant.
"Thanks, soldier. I'll fly us home, now."
Halo jumped, did a flip and landed perfectly in the pilots seat. He flew the dropship home for a sleep. It had been a busy, fateful day.
And now, the conclusion of The HBO Experience 2.
The massive army of n00bs approached the fanfic community. They were crossing a huge, sparse desert a few people had been using for their fanfics. Luckily, those authors had been able to escape.
Scores and scores of n00bs from all over the globe had rallied together in a massive invasion. True to their nature, the ocean of n00bs blabbed their inane shit constantly.
"N00BZ!!! 2NITE WE DINE IN HELL!!!"
"n00b power!! lol!!"
"zomg rush em!"
Skul and Wado looked out at the army of n00bs, which stretched beyond the horizon.
"Have you ever seen so many n00bs, before?" asked Skul, rhetorically.
"I am amazed," said Wado in fear and awe, "I didn't know n00bs could organise like that."
"Of course they can. Ever heard of AOL?"
"I guess you're right… good luck fighting these guys…" Wado turned to face Skul, "Oh, and Skul… I've always had absolutely no opinion of you whatsoever… and I think your fics go into the thoughts of your characters too much."
So what? thought Skul.
Using his flippin' sweet ninja moves, Skul created over five hundred trillion copies of himself.
Wado turned to look at the Sea of Skuls, which looked to be as large as the n00b army, itself. Every single Skul had his own steel keyboard and pencil, each sharpened and deadly.
"Sweet mother of God!"
"Never underestimate the power of an experienced writer," said Skul, calmly.
Skul turned to his clones, "Fellow Skuls!" he yelled, "You are about to participate in the ultimate battle between author and n00b! At my signal, unleash hell!"
Skul hefted his keyboard aloft, "For writing!"
The Skuls surged forward, "CHAAAAARGE!"
Carnage ensued. The two opposing forces clashed. The Skuls sliced, diced, chopped, cut, slashed and gashed with their keyboards. The n00bs flailed their malformed limbs and tentacles, doing more damage than one might think.
The battle raged for hours, neither side giving up. Both fought ferociously, their spilled blood turning the golden sand red and green.
Just as the battle really got going, everything stopped. Reality seemed to glitch and then vanish.
The only things that could be seen were three red lights in a partial ring.
Skul woke up with a start, like a cliché bastard.
He got up on one elbow and breathed out, heavily.
"Wow… I just had the strangest dream. I dreamt I was a ninja and I fought a bunch of ODSTs and an entire army of n00bs using moves from Naruto… and there were a bunch of HBO fanfic spoofs, too… and then my 360 crashed…"
Skul wearily got up and went to his PC, which he had neglected to turn off from the night before, and browsed to the HBOFF forum.
"I guess it was all a dream."
He checked the new fanfic submissions board of the HBOFF forum and saw the title of a fic he never expected to see.
His eyes widened and his jaw dropped, "Or was it?"
The HBO Experience 2: The Sequel
"AAAAAHHHHH!!!"
spanish spartan read the last line of Skul's fanfic.
"whoah… tthat fic suecked!"
The n00b clicked on the 'Post Reply' button and wrote what he thought.
skul, wot da fukc wuz taht!?!??!!1 taht fic maed abowt as muvh snse as teh legind uf zelda timeleine!!!11!1 well teh ratardid sprtan fing wuz hilarois but evrathin elss sukked!111!! taht parrut fing wuz just outrite stoopid!!11! wot da hel woz up wiht that longswurd r ipoff and that 'excpertwritter' guy wantin an drikn and gettan bulleed??!?!?! and wut teh ghell woz up wit all dose 'n00bs' seyen stuff dat made noi sesne?!?!! and u kiled my favouroute writar stirfry!1!!!1!! and u totaly riped off coday man wiht dat huamnay teh huminn parudy!!1! an dthta spnaish inquastiun thing.......... wot da fuck wuz dat!1!?!/1?
spanish spartan didn't notice several people standing just behind him and slightly to his right.
wait i now!1!! u h8 me so u tryed to meak fun off me wiht teh spasnush fing rite!1!??!? fuck you bicth!!!11!! im giving dfis fic an 0 out uf 10!!!!
spanish spartan was about to click the Submit button when he heard a voice.
"It's called 'satire', you dumbass! That's what this fic is all about! Maybe you should read more Halo comedies."
It was Skul. Standing next to him were several other authors plus two large Elites who were twitching slightly from the waist down.
"skul!1!! yuo... hey!!!1 whuts sterfrye, demitri, chuckles, mcc and azrael doin heer?!??/"
"We're here to make sure you don't confuse fact with fiction," said Sterfrye, "Just because we fought in the fic, that doesn't make us enemies in real life."
"Yeah," added Skul, "The whole purpose of the spoofs is to pay homage to other authors' works. I only spoof fics I like, have an interest in*, or, in the case of n00b fics, I think would be funny to parody."
*If I didn't spoof your fic, either I forgot, had no interest, never read it, already spoofed it, or I'm saving a spoof for another occasion.
"ok but y r 2 aleets her???//? if itz abwot me laffin at teh skit wiht the ratardad spartin, i thot u sed tehere wuz an idfference batween fact n ficshin!1!??"
"We're still in the fic. And you know what they say: what happens in fanfiction, stays in fanfiction..."
"oh... shit..."
Notice: Due to several angry same-sex, different-species, double-rape victims from the focus group of this fanfic, we are not allowed to describe the ensuing same-sex, different-species, double-rape, despite the fact that a complete n00b nobody likes is the victim. Please soothe yourself with the mental image of a cute kitten.
…Or the mental image of the Elites sticking their Sangheili-pen0rs in the n00b. Whatever works.
If this fic offended you in any way, please remember that all the things you read were nothing but jokes. None of this should be taken seriously at all. Thank you and goodbye.
A LA FIN TO THE MAX!
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