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The Mis-adventures of master chief by el_halo_diablo
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The Mis-adventures of master chief: part 1(a comedy)
Date: 19 July 2002, 12:03 am
This story starts from where Halo (the game) left off:
"Halo, its finished", Cortana said slowly.
"No i think we're just getting started",MC replied.
"Well thats a dumb remark, because we just DESTROYED it",Cortana said with mixed confusion in her voice.
"Listen B!tch, stick to the script, and we'll all get our money, alright?"
"WELL SCREW THE SCRIPT", Cortana yelled,"look at me, i'm a friggin voice inside your head, do you have any idea how little voices inside peoples heads get paid??!!"
There was silence as they both just sat there in silence(go figure) inside the longsword.
"so, are you hungry?",MC asked trying to change the subject.
"You're an idot", cortana replied.
"Hmm...i'll take that as a yes",MC said as his stomach growled,"Cortana make urself useful and locate the closest resurant you can find."
"Fine",Cortana said as she went mumbling on,"i guess voices inside peoples heads dont get any respect these days. Wait, i found one,'Greasy's fast food'."
"Great, I'll put u into the ship, and you could fly us there," MC said, happy that he was going to eat,"man I havent had a meal ever sense i was being played on Halo, I guess my beloved fans dont have time for thier beloved characters to eat."
"Yah yah yah, just put me into the computer and i'll fly us there," Cortana said with impatience.
"Can i start calling u Corty from now on?" the MC said dumbly.
"No."cortana said quickly without emotion.
The Longsword started on its way to the fast food resturant.
"Hey," cortana said, "while we're on our way,u wanna play truth or dare?"
"ok but u go first" MC said.
"TRUTH",Cortana said "did u like anyone in ur spartan training?"
"Um"
"Comeon u have to tell me, its the rules"
"But?"
"JUST TELL ME!"
"Fine, in spartan training...i had a thing for...Chief Mendez."MC glumly replied.
"Oh thats just sick."cortana said with sickness in her voice.
"Hey lookey here,"MC said in relief ,"there's Greasy's! Yes saved by the bell." he wispered
They landed in the parking lot, crushing two Chevey's
Cortana appeared on the holopanel glaring at MC.
"uh...uh...i swear those cars were already like that" MC said lamely,"they were pieces of crap anyway", he mumbled as he steped out of the longsword.
As they walked into the diner, he noticed someone familiar,"343 Guilty Spark??!!" MC said suprised to see him,"what r u doing behind the counter"
"Number 3 your orders up!-oh hello there reclaimer"
"what are you doing here 343?"
"Well, the information that I stole from your ship was very helpful." 343 said happily,"with the weath of iformation on your whole race i decided that the best and most beneficial thing to do was open up a FAST FOOD CHAIN, MUAHAHAHAHHA!"
"Oh 343 you're really losing your evil touch" MC said with a grin on his face.
"but thats not the most evil part, oh no my friend, im in partnership with STARBUCKS! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"MC takes a breath,"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
to be continued....
or is it???
ok it is....
or is it??? bum bum bum
alright expect a part 2....
or will u, i just dont kno....
The Mis-adventures of master chief: part 2 (a comedy)
Date: 22 July 2002, 1:15 am
The master chief was done screaming....after 4 hours of continuous screaming
"finally," Cortana said,"I was just about to kill myself."
"Too bad u didnt," MC murmered
"Hey i heard that", cortana said snidly
"Your giving me a headache Cortana."
"Thats because i live INSIDE your head."
MC shuddered at the thought.
"hey, if u are in my brain, can u read what im thinking right now?"
"yah....,"Cortana went through his thoughts,"oh MC grow up!"
"Hehe,"MC chuckled.
"And just to straighten things out, NO, the hologram of myself is not nude"
"Darn," MC said glumly.
"well are u guys going to order something or block my lines?" 343 said to them.
"but 343, there hasnt been anyone behind us for the whole time we've been in here"
"DAMNIT, someone must've drew stick figures on my viewing lens again" 343 said frustrated.
MC quickly hid the marker behind his back.
"We'll Barbarian, hurry up and order, im getting sick of having u think about food in ur head." Cortana said impatiently.
"Then what if i think about...THIS!" MC said with a smirk.
"AAUGH...u seriously need to get laid." cortana said sickened.
MC was getting really annoyed with Cortana,"hey 343, how much will u pay me for a high quality AI to work as cashier?," MC said as-a-matter-of-factly.
"hmmm,do u mean Cortana?" 343 GS said interested.
"Percisly," MC said with a grin on his face.
"Nooooo, no-no-no-no NO!" Cortana said with deseration,"you'll be selling UNSC equipment! which, might i add, is ILLEGEAL!"
"Meh, i'll just tell them I'm sorry," MC said carelessly, "so how much 343?"
"hmmm she could be usefull, but i cant give u money, how bout a free meal?"
"Are u serious, with a deal like that i CANT refuse!" MC said, as he started to disengage Cortana.
"WAIT U CANT DO THIS, I've saved your butt bunces of times now your gunna sell me for a 'Greasy Burger' 'Cosmic fries' and a beer?!?" Cortana said enraged.
"hey i never said i was gunna get that how'd ya know?"
"I read your mind dumbshit" cortana said.
"oh yeah" MC said as he popped out the chip holding cortana, and put her into the cash register.
"welcome to Greasy's, may i take our order?" cortana said lamely. A holopanel showed her in a Greasy's apron, ad matching hat.
"Nice apron Cortana!" MC commented to Cortana while she flipped him off.
When MC sat down with his food, he just remembered,"wait a second, i dont eat food."
Before he left, he felt he had to settle the fight between him and 343 GS. so he went into the bathroom takig his burger and took a dump in it, "how can i not eat but i can take a crap?" MC wondered.
he snuck the burger back into the batch of the other burgers waiting to be ordered. "heh heh," he chuckled.
He left the resturant, waving to Cortana, while she still had her middle finger in the air at him.
He climbed into the longsword and started out into space. He turned on the TV to find the news: "We now have reports that the Master Chief, Spartan John 117, might have survived his escape from Halo, in which he destroyed to elliminate the flood and a covenant armada," the news reporter said,"HAHAHAHAHA!!! Im just joking people, now who would belive THAT kinda bs. some guy came into the station,beat up, with plasma scars, and told me about his 'voyage to Halo with MC and thier discoveries', and then he died right after he finished his sentence about how MC escaped. I've never heard such a load of bs. Yah, heh heh, and im sure MC 'just left Greasy's Fast Food resturant' HAHAHAHA," the reporter wiped the smile off his face,"in other news, Metafire a.k.a. Frogblast has just discovered his 100th trick in the game of Hal-"
MC turned off the TV, and played around with a chinese finger trap, and couldnt get his fingers out of it, so he piloted his longsword to the closest planet to find if anyone could figure out this complicated contraption.
When he landed all he saw was desolation, a whole town was silent he read the sign of the town, he read it out loud, "Welcome to Irony Town: The town of a thousand for-shadowings" he thought for a while "this town scares me-"
then he hear a squeaky voice in the air, "HEEELP!"
"huh?" MC said.
"HEELLP MEEEEE"
Then a pebble flew in the air and hit him in the head.
"Ouch"
then he noticed a alive grunt, with no legs,"Excuse me sir but i have seemed to mis-placed my legs, AHHHH ITS YOU!!!!!!!"
"Give me one reason i shouldnt end your pitiful life right now." MC stated
"I'm a cripple, u wouldnt dare kill a cripple, would you?"
MC looked at the grunt with the sad puppy eyes then shifted his eyes to the readied MA5B, then back to the defenseless grunt, then back again to the MA5B, he did this for a couple of hours before he said, "I reluctlantly accept."
"Oh thank you, thank you so very much!" the legless grunt said.
"no problem, by the way, where are your legs and your covie team-mates?"
"oh me and my other grunty fiends were scouting and when i went to sleep, they tied me upside-down by my feet, as a prank. unfortunatly my legs popped off and a group of humans attacked us my grunty friends carried me untill they were all dead, now i need my legs which are quite far away from here... can u get them?"
"hmmm sure." MC said with an evil grin on his face.
He found a bag and went off to find the grunt's legs. He had an evil smile on his face because he planned to get back at the grunt for throwing a rock at his head. He came to a spot that was ironnicly filled with covenant legs.
--2 hours later--
um why did it just go to 2 hours later?
--another 2 hours later???--
WHAT DO U THINK UR DOING?!?
--um..um..another 2 hours later???--
NO-NO-NO ur an idiot, here give me that!
--NO! u cant have the time progressor--
Come on Im the friggin NARRORATOR, now GIMMIE!
--but i dont wanna--
u kno what? your fired.
--too bad because i already quit!--
fine.
--fine--
okay where were we? okay lets just start from when the MC comes back with the legs for the grunt.
"I'm just gunna give u a injection that will put u to sleep, so i can put your legs on." MC said
"okay, whatever just give me back my legs!" the grunt said with desperation.
the MC gave him the injection and started to put his legs on.
an hour later the grunt woke up,"hey i fell my legs moving one feels a little unbalanced, limmie open up my eyes and- WAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!?!AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MC U BIATCH!!!"
"heh heh hahahaha"MC Broke out in a laugh.
"how come I have 1 grunt leg and 1 ELITE LEG???!!!"
"hey its not my fault" MC said laughing, "i never was the best at that game 'operation'."
"NO NO, u HAVE to change the leg!" the grunt screamed.
"well... u shouldnt have thrown that rock, that kinda hurt my feelings." MC looked at the ground.
"hey," the grunt put his hand on MC's shoulder,"your gay also???"
"NO!!!" The MC shouted
"Oh-i mean-thats too bad-i mean-me neither." the grunt said as his cheeks turned purple(wait arent they already purple? oh well).
"hey do u need a sidekick?" the grunt asked inquizentively.
"huh?"the MC asked,"whats inquizentively???"
shutup MC im trying to act smart in this story....so uh just pay attention to the part your playing.
"well i know my grunty comrades wont accept me and my off balanced leg."
"well, this wouldnt be called a mis-adventure if i didnt have a weird sidekick"
"alright! Besides i always wanted to be a main character in a story" the grunt said happily.
"who does this grunt think he is Narrorator?" MC asked me,"are you giving him the main role, because if you do...."
oh MC dont shake your fist at me. besides im sure the grunt will die in part 3.
the MC looked puzzed, "part 3???."
The Mis-adventures of master chief: part 3 (a comedy)
Date: 25 July 2002, 7:30 pm
"Halo, its finished", Cortana said slowly.
"No I think we're just getting started."
STOP! STOP THE STORY!
Oh crap, WHO REWOUND STORYTELLER??!?!?
This thing isnt a toy u kno
--Heh, i just didnt see part two--
Oh so you jeprodize the viewing pleasure of my, um
viewers just so you can see part 2?
--Um....yah--
Remember what i did to you last time you screwed with my story?
--Yes....--
DO YOU WANT ME TO DO IT AGAIN?!?
--NO! NO MORE ATOMIC WEDGIES!!--
RAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
--AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!--
Sorry about that mess folks, just allow me to fast-forward this story....
And then Monkeys ravaged the world with the help and leadership of Cortana...
WHOA I went a little too far, let me try this one....
yes i got it: The MC and his grunt side-kick were sitting down next to the fire roasting marshmellows and making smores.
"After all the technological advances they still can't find out how to make a perfect smore," MC said puzzled,"It's a physical impossibility i guess."
"That may be true. Either that, or u should not put the marshmellows in the coles." the Grunt suggested.
"You kno what," the MC said,"you need a nick name."
"yah your right i do, how about Bruiser?"the Grunt asked.
"sounds like a dog name," MC said.
"um, how about slasher?"
"too corny"
"hmmm how about Marty O'donnel?"
"oooh too scary"
"ummm how about...off-balaced-Grunt-that-got-teamed-up-with-master-chief-because-he's-a-freak?"
"you read my mind," the MC said smiling,"wait what was it again?"
"nevermind," the grunt said,"how about a popular showbiz nick name?"
"i got just the one, Nic-Nac." MC said.
"who the F*** is Nic-Nac?!?" The grunt asked.
"you know that 2 foot tall midget servant that tried to kill James Bond on the movie "Man With the Golden gun"?"
"no"
"oh... well im calling you nic-nac from now on" MC said bossily.
"OK, narrorator, if you dont kno how to spell a word, DONT put it in the story" MC ordered me.
dude dont tell me what to do, I can friggin give u pink hair or something, remember I controll this story....like....THIS!!!
MC and Nic-Nac walked into a gay bar, strangely MC felt at home.
"OK This is NOT funny, Narrorator!" MC yelled at me.
Dont yell at me!
"I can if I want," MC replied.
And then, ten homosexual men walked over to MC and started saying things like,"Do you work out?" and "nice ass".
"OKAY! OKAY YOU WIN NARRORATOR!" MC cried desperately
heh heh i love my job.
"HEY! watch where your hands are going Matt Soel!" MC Screamed to one of the gay men that was fondeling him.
heh heh alright i'll spare you this time, but next time, you arent gunna get any savior from those men.
"Fine, im sorry," MC glumly said,"Hey, where exactly is Nic-Nac?"
hmm i dont exactly kno.....AUGGHHH!!!
Nic-Nac was getting lap danced by a man, and was enjoying it, stuffing money in his pokets.
"WHAT! I SWEAR THEY MADE ME DO IT!" the Grunt screamed.
"uh-huh suuure." MC said "That's just downright disgusting Nic-Nac."
"hey come on" the Grunt said with desperation in his voice,"every covenant needs a little enjoyment."
"I have a question." MC said "Are all covenant Gay?"
"Well duh, why do you think all of our vehicles are PURPLE!!?!!"
"huh I guess i never thought of it that way." MC said slowly,"wait a second,"MC said slowly,"your friend Stephen was wondering how the covenant 'procreate'," MC said to me.
ummmm, BYE!
alright lets get along with the story shall we? heh you know what? I just now thought about that whole thing with the purple vehicles and i was like, wtf? ANYWAYS!
Procreate? why didnt Stephen just say 'how do they get it on' or something like that *invites Stephen over to the computer*. Stephen, where did you get 'procreate' from?
--Meh--
Yah ok.
--the story is pretty good so far--
Yah, do you know ur in it?
--no, amI?--
yah.
--ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?--
Uh-huh.
--HI MOM HEY ANT! ryan ur a homo! I wanna give a shout out to--
alright enough of that.
--sooooo--
soooo..... u wanna smosh?
--sure--
ok i'll just put the story on auto.
--k--
Nic-Nac and MC walked out of the bar, each with mixed emotions,(the grunt was happy, and the MC's face was meloncholy)without a word they each climbed into the cockpit of the longsword and took off into space.
"I love this ship." MC said "look it even has a TV!"
"whoooooaaaaah" the grunt was completly impressed. "this would be really fun to play Game Cube on." the Grunt said. They looked at eachother, "AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
"What a piece of shit, heh heh."
"yah what an awful game system."
"i use thier CD's as cup coasters."
they high-fived eachother.
"so do you have an XBOX on here?" the Grunt asked.
"Never go without it."
"hey lets play Hal-"Nic Nac said but had his sentece inturrupted.
"HEY LOOK! I have Fuzion Frenzy!"MC yelled
"but the best game is HAL-"Nic-Nac said but had his sentence cut off again
"OR we could play Mad Dash Racing!" MC Said
"ah forget it."the grunt said, giving up,"whats on TV? do you have a channel guide?"
"Yah its somewhere buried under all my old sweaty socks."
Nic-Nac turned swiveled his seat around to face the back of the ship and saw the mounds of dirty socks.
"auhhg, I think I'm gunna barf, are you sure there arent creatures living in those piles of socks?" the grunt asked.
"no, but if I were you, I'd put on a Haz-Mat suit before you pass the dirty tighty-whitie pile near them."
The Grunt shuddered at the thought and said" You know what I think I'll catch up on my meditation."
"well i guess that does prove that covenant ARE gay," MC muttered under his breath.
"hey just because I have one leg twice the size of my other doesnt mean that my grunty ears can't hear a thing."the grunt said in a Gruntily way.
GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS! GET UP COMEON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS!
"Hey narrorator, why are you listening to that crap?"
Are you making fun of disturbed's "Down with the Sickness"?
"Yah, and by the way, KWOD(rock radio) sucks!" MC Screamed.
Dude shutup im trying to listen to Earshot: HOW, MUCH, MUST, I, LIVE, THROUGH, JUST to GET AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
"NARRORATOR! JUST SHUTUP!!!" MC screamed
Alright! I'm getting sick of you MC, have a nice life in the gay bar.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO" MC yelled crying.
"WOOOOHOOOO!" the Grunt jumped with joy.
"you'll get me outta this place in part 4 right?"
Part 4? I never said anything about a part 4. MUAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA.
-Special Thanks-
Special thanks for my guest Stephen and his crazy word 'procreate'.
all other material originated from the twisted mind of Ian a.k.a. el_halo_diablo, so if you're thinking that I beat up little johnny for this script...well....uh just dont tell his parents.
The Mis-adventures of master chief: part 4 (a comedy)
Date: 7 August 2002 9:09 pm
GET UP COMEON GET DOWN WITH THE SICKNESS-oh hey Stephen what are you doing here?
-I, uh...well um, your mom let me in.-
uh but Stephen....my mom isnt home...
-OH....I mean your uh....CAT! Yes! your CAT let me into the house.-
yah she does that all the time Stephen.....
-you should really make a part 4 for that fan fic.-
Hey Stephen?
-yah?-
Your an idiot.
-Oh, and why is that?-
Comeon Stephen, I wouldnt be THAT stupid to make a part 4.
-but-but Shadow, and Arch-
Yah so what they dont have lives, they can lick my harry monkey balls for all i care.
-But you dont have a life either.-
Stephen, you make a strong argument.
-so will you join the lifeless ones just for a little innocent joy on the internet....and make a part 4?-
Well now that you say it like that....OF COURSE!
-hey wouldnt that be ironic if the part 4 was playing while we were having our conversation?-
The master chief was enjoying himself at the gay bar that i left him at.
"Chief Mendez! I never knew you had such strong hands." MC commented to him.
"See I told you it wasnt so bad, too bad Jersatil isnt here,"Nic-Nac said glumly.
"Jersatil? Who's Jersatil?" Mc questioned.
"you know, that fan fic by Cap'n Keys, 'escaping convicts' or something." the grunt said.
"heh thats funny because it has NOTHING to do with convicts of any kind." MC said with a grin.
"HA! what an idiot." The grunt said informantly.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA," they both drew another big breath,"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH."
"you know Narrorator, your comedy could hurt peoples feelings." MC said quietly.
Who? oh you mean Cap'n Keys? nah he's fine with it, right Cap'n?
--huh?--
shutup Cap'n.
---you talking to me?---
no-no-no-no, not you Cap'n Crunch! please dont crunchitize me!
---CRUNCHITIZE!!!---
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Wait a second, I'll just do 'The Matrix' trick where he bends backwards to avoid the bullets. I can use it to avoid the crunchitize beam. Here goes nothing...
---CRUNCHITIZE!!!---
WHOOSH
AAAAHHGGGGGGG!!!!!!! DAMNIT CAP'N CRUNCH! YOU CRUNCHITIZED MY F***ing PRIVATES!
--ooAHAHAHAHAHAHA--
shutup Cap'n Keys, you have no idea what its like to pee out FREAKIN FRUTTY PEBBLES!
--Hey and just to make-fun of your title, your story dosent have ANYTHING to do with the master chief in any way, anymore--
Ofcourse it does, look!
All-of-a-sudden, the master chief and his side-kick Nic-nac walked out of the gay bar. The grunt had to be thrown out by female bouncers, to get him out. the Master Chief left out the door crying to Chief Mendez,"CALL ME SOMETIME, remember, its (666)911-6969."
"And remember!" Carrot-top busts in,"save big bucks on ALL collect calls, remember: c-a-l-l-A-T-"
BAM!!!
sorry folks, but I had to shoot Carrot-top. Jeese doesnt his hair annoy more people than just me? Comeon my mom had that hair do in the friggin 70's I bet.
--thats the only action scene I've seen in this story, when you blast off Carrot-top's head.--
Oh Cap'n Keys thats not true ill show you a sneak preview to my later part:
Jersatil and the Chief stepped back while Jersatil placed a plasma grenade on the door. The grenade blew up, and filled the room with the unearthly blue light that had become all too familiar to the Chief. The door turned white again, but this time before it could cool down, Jersatil placed another one on there. The grenade blew up again, and the door melted down. Inside were two tubes and four bottles. Jersatil noticed an inscription on the inside of the safe. "It is in the ancient language of our prophets," he said. "I will try to read it."
SEE I told you I had action scenes in my story.
--hmmm i guess your right...--
I told you.
--wait a second...thats copied from one of MY stories!--
How DARE YOU accuse me of plagerism! see its not identical:
BOB and JOE stepped back while BOB placed a FRAGMENTATION grenade on the door. The grenade blew DOWN, and filled the room with the unearthly GREEN light that had become all too UN-familiar to JOE. The door turned BLACK again, but this time before it could cool UP, BOB placed another one on there. The grenade blew up again, and the door melted SIDEWAYS. Inside were two CANS and four CONDOMS. BOB noticed an inscription on the inside of the PIGGY BANK. "It is in the MODERN language of our BURGER KING EMPLOYEES," SHE said. "I will try NOT to read it."
SEE! SEEEEEE!
--ok fine i'll let you get away with it this time--
sucker heh heh heh
--i think ill screw around with your Halo Ibonk forum setting--
fine, Ibonk forums suck anyway.
----what did you say?----
oh hey Bonk, i say nothing, nothing at all, BTW, why havent you put that trick up on your site?
----it was too good to go on my site----
oh i thought so.
oh hey ryan!
-----hey-----
wanna smosh?
-----sure-----
"hey why is this whole story based on you and your friends...AND NOT ABOUT ME?!?!?!?!" MC asked to me.
hmmmmmmm......
The Mis-adventures of master chief: part 5: The Final Rant
Date: 26 August 2002 3:47 am
-Hey guys this is Stephen,(a.k.a. "le_halo_diable"), Ian (a.k.a. "el_halo_diablo" a.k.a. "the great joker" a.k.a. "garbge boy(dont ask please)" a.k.a. "Im running out of aka's for this sadistic bastard!" a.k.a ."I wish I can stop doing these a.k.a's" a.k.a. "Oh great I think they stopped, yay" a.k.a. "DAMMIT IAN GET OVER HERE!).-
Whats wrong?
-I (a.k.a. CANT STOP THIS DAMN A.K.A. MACHINE!!!)
What machine?
-(a.k.a. This one!)-
Um THATS the printer.
- (a.k.a. oh thats why it kept printing my nude pics of MC-I mean! My homework...yah thats it!...my homework...)*looks around suspiciously*-
Mabye it would help If you stopped pressing the word a.k.a. every time you start a sentence.
-(a.k.a. now thats just crazy talk)-
"HEY!" MC yelled at me,"NOTICE THE TITLE: MIS-ADVENTURES OF MASTER CHIEF...NOT EL_HALO_DIABLO!!!!"
Hmmm.
MC and Nic-nac walked into 'Greasy's' to find the lines extremly busy.
"Wow 343! whats the main attraction here?" He asked to 343 GS.
"Well It seems that in the second part of your series, you took a dump in one of my burgers!"
"I have no Idea what your talking about." Mc said looking around.
"Oh be quiet, el_halo_diablo told me when I was giving him instructions on how to type."
"is ths treu" MC askd mi
ys et is.
"wy didd u doo dat two mi" MC askkde myeshelf
i neded two larn hoy too typie.
"Wow you type almost as bad as 'Sarge' does in peoples comments on HBO." MC commented to me.
Hey I'm not THAT bad of a typer.
~wats thrt yer talkeng aboot?~
Shutup Sarge.
~ookie dookie~
--Did someone say my name?--
NO, who are you anyways?
"Yah who are you anyways? You look like a cross between an ameboa and an ugly sloth." Mc inqired.
"No no..." Cortana said at the register,"more like a satnic rocker that was brutally mauled by an ugly stck."
"Eh,"343 said,"it looks like what an owl barfs up after it has eaten it."
"hmmm," said Nic-Nac,"whatever it is....its pretty damn ugly."
"UH-HUH!" Everyone in the intire restaurant said at once.
--Be quiet guys thats not funny. You know that kinda stuff hurts my feelings--
"Wait a second...I know who it is!" MC said trying to hold back from laughing.
Who is it Master Chief?
MC rolled his eyes,"I'll give you a hint,"he drew a big breath," *GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* GE*GE*-"
Oh duh...its Shadow! You know MC, those gay sound affects gave it away.
"*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE-What? oh yah I know. why would someone make three paragraphs of *GE*GE*GE*GE, I think all the readers got the point on the first paragraph!"
--Oh jeese dont be mean to me! Jeese guys--
Im sorry Shadow, It's just everytime I hear your name, I hear *GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE*GE* Ahaha.
and again the whole crowd in 'greasy's' said,"UH-HUH!"
---hey do you mind if I write a little of your story?---
Oh hey Jaywhit10, sure you can write a piece. Go ahead.
---YAY---
---ok here goes...---
---hold on---
JUST GO!!!!!
---ok ok----
"Hey cortana whats happenin?" "not much how about you?" "not much" "oh hey there!" "hi" "who?" "how many people are talking in this?" "who's talking?" "me" "who?" "what?" "LOOKOUT!" "what?" "Who?" "not you" "me?" "NO!" "Im going to make you die" "me?" "now I dont even know who Im going to kill!" "what?" "am I the only one confused in this story?" "no" "who is confused?" "im am." "who?" "me?" "ummm Im not sure anymore..." "Mabye it would help if Jaywhit10 put other things in here discribing who was talking and what was happening." "SHUTUP!" "hey it was just a suggestion" "hi guys" "dammit now I'm even more confused" "who? ME?" "I guess" "i dont care anymore" "please kill me Jaywhit10! I dont wanna live in this agony!" "who wants to what?" "goodbye cruel world-errm story" "did that person just die?" "Im not sure, nothing explains whats going on" "who said that?"
---like it?---
Um you have a very....interesting way of writing. Can you please tell me what just happened?
---MC said "Hi" to cortana---
Thats all?
---yep, aren't I impressive?---
Yah it's a work of art...ANYWAYS
"So anyways," 343 guilty spark said to MC," you took a dump in my burger and put it back under the heat lamp. I didnt know about the crap burger until one of my customers took a bite out of it."
"Oh 343 im really sorry about that." MC said to 343 with a guilty look on his face.
"What are you talking about?" 343 replied shocked,"you made me millions. The customer took a bite out of the burger, and LOVED IT! Ever since, tons of people have been demanding the crap burger! since you were not here anymore, I had to subsitute your's with horse maneur!"
Just then a customer came to the cash register and said," I want an 'MC Crap burger...WITH EXTRA MAYO!"
MC shuddered and saw that the cash register employee wasnt Cortana and then said,"hey where's Cortana?"
"Oh well she got a promotion!" 343 said happily and pulled MC towards the back of the store,"wanna see what she's doing now?"
343 opened the doors to find Cortana scooping horse maneur with robotic hands.
"Hows your job Corty?" MC asked Cortana.
"Crappy...Literally it is crappy. It was one thing for 343 to give me this job, BUT DID HE REALLY HAVE TO GIVE ME SMELL RECEPTORS?!?"
"Wow that is crappy." MC commented.
"Almost as crappy as a PS2."
"yah heh heh, have you ever heard of a good multiplayer game on that console- oh wait, thats right, they only have two controller ports!"
"HAHAHAHA!"
"Hey If you like Mary-Kate and Ashley you'll want to buy playstation, CAUSE THEY HAVE TWO OF THOSE GAMES."
"AHAHAHAH!"
"hey do you want to buy a stand for 15 dollars for your PS2?" MC asked Nic-nac.
"I dont know. What do they do?"
"NOTHING! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!"
"AHAHAHAHA"
The crowd yet again said,"UH-HUH!"
"What Final Fantasy number are they on now? 12? 15?"
"I dont know...does anyone care anymore? AAHAHAHAHHA!"
"AHAHAHHAHA!"
"ATV Off-road fury is one of their "Greatest Hits" comeon, its like dirt biking but with four wheels. AHAHAHAHAHAH!"
"HAHHAHA!"
"Ok I admit it... PS2 does have many quality games like 'smugglers run' and 'state of emergency' and-"
"hmph"
"what?"
"its just so funny, because the games that you listed were crap! Well yah but thats whats popular these days. "Buy state of emergencey to run around killing people for the stupidest plot ever, and react with 2D people!". MC said laughing.
"You really dont know what your talking about...do you?" Nic Nac questioned him.
"Nope."
"who told you?"
"el_halo_diablo."
Heh I dont exactly own a PS2, I just enjoy making fun of it and how people think that Japan made stuff is always superior, Heh heh.
Anyways, Pvt. Cooper walks into 'Greasy's'. Everyone flocks over to him, saying,"Hey your that dude!" "Your from 'Cry for a Hero', the best story ever!" "Can I have your autograph?" "Does this dress make me look fat?" "Can you guess whats up my ass?"
Cooper pushed them all aside.
"What the f*** dude. I get shot at decieved, dream scary dreames, get knocked out TWICE, and my allies keep dying, whats with you man?"
Ok cooper, you want a new series thats easier ok here it is:
You Dont Have to Cry for a Hero part 1: Really Easy Mission.
Everyone got into the pelican.
THE END!
"hmm im liking this series already,"Cooper said to me,"more!"
FINE:
You Dont Have to Cry for a Hero part 2: Another Really Easy Mission
we were given our mission objectives: find and kill an unarmed rebel. There were about 300 police that were going on the mission. We came to the LZ to find that the rebel died of waiting.
THE END!
"GREAT PLOT! MORE!" Cooper histerically demanded,"HAHA MORE! MOOOOOOOORE!!!"
Bye cooper.
All of a sudden, He got knocked-out AGAIN, and was dragged into the gay bar and is going to stay there for the rest of his life.
THE END!
"Can you belive it?" MC said,"They are making me into a cartoon for a kids television network!!!"
"Im going to be freaking 5 years old, and Cortana is something like my teacher!"
heh heh lets test this new show out:
HALO BABIES!*baby music playes in the background*
"ok lisen up!" Cortana said.
"we dont like school!" all of the kids said.
"ok lets kill-I mean, tag those coven- I mean, different looking kids with our guns- I mean, dart guns!" MC kid said.
"YAY" they all said and ran towards the other kids, which had plasma-errm, squirt guns?
"prepare to die-I mean, get wet!" one elite-umm different looking kid? said.
"oh yah-
And then the show was cancelled due to absolutly nobody watching it.
"Ooh that didnt turn out to good." MC said gringing at the thought of getting wet.
----did you say something?----
aww man, Just shutup Cap'n Keys!
-----Are you talking to me again?!?-----
NOOOO NOT YOU CAP'N CRUNCH! PLEASE DONT CRUNCHITIZE ME! I'm still jizzing Friggin Fruty Pebbles!
-----CRUNCHITIZE!!!!!!-----
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! wait a second, I controll this story, I can do whatever I want. KEYSITIZE!!! The Cap'n Keys ray blasted away the Cap'n Crunch ray and hit Cap'n Crunch.
-----AAAHH YOU TURNED ME INTO A WOMAN, BUT IM STILL A MAN!!!-----
Yep, just like Cap'n Keys!
"yep"
"yup"
"yupa"
"yes indeedy"
And again the whole 'greasy's' Croud,"UH-HUH!"
----When is this series going to end?----
hmmmm right........now!
Ok I was just kidding its not over.
"HEY!" MC motioned over to the restruant.
Okay.
"life is the shits, aint it Corty?" MC said to Cortana, as she heaved a pile of maneur into the frier.
"Ok thats it you piece of a mother who is a son of a person who licks the unclean hands of a monkey! DIE!" Cortana screamed loudly, heaving a gigantic heap of crap at MC. MC dodged the glob of poop, but Nic-Nac wasnt as lucky. The pile of dukey landed on Nic-Nac and covered him in 4 feet of poop. The pile was so enormous, that it suffocated Nic-Nac. MC struggled to dig the mass pile of #2 filled with flies and 'Knightmare', but wasnt able to get to Nic-Nac In time. MC tried to give the poor misfigured gay covie grunt CPR, but all that came out of his mouth was semen and horse shit.
"Nic-Nac...Dead?" MC said.
Nic-nac let out his last words.
"correction, Nic-Nac IS dead..."
He fell silent. then he came back up again.
"I want a casket service, like on Xena: Warrior Princess..."
He then fell limp. nobody knew what he was talking about. He came back up,"DAMMIT YOU KNOW ON XENA, WHEN SOMEONE DIES, THEY GET PUT IN A WOODEN CASKET, THEN, THE CASKET IS SET ON FIRE, AND THEN SET AFLOAT ON A RIVER, NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN!!!" after those words he fell dead.
"Rest in piece my friend" MC said over his dead body.
The grunt came alive yet again,"So You ARE GAY, I KNEW IT!!! HEY EVEYONE, MASTER CHIEF IS GAY!!!"
Everyone nodded their heads, like they already knew, and it made sence.
"I said," MC said to the now dead grunt," rest IN PIECE!!!!!"
The grunt snickered and then died.
-I can't belive you killed off a main character like that!-
Hey Stephen, its the finale, its usually everyone dies, or gets married in the finale.
-but Nic-Nac WANTED to get married with MC!!!-
Well that would have been something good to tell me BEFORE I killed him off!
-Eh, it doesnt really matter, besides, he was starting to get on my nerves.-
Yah well anyways, two weeks later, they hold the service next to the lake called 'Lake Irony' while the sevice was going, MC was getting the casket ready for the burning, he had 10 bottles of lighter fluid already used up on the thing, and lighter fluid was dripping off the sides. The entire crowd from greasy's was there, all dressed in purple(remember its a covenant funeral).
The funeral guy said," and now time for Nic-Nac to be set off into the sea."
MC pushed the casket to the edge, and stood 20 feet away from the casket and lit a match. He threw it at the casket, and flames shot 50 feet into the air.
-I love Xena-
yah anyways, MC pushed the casket out intothe water and they started to play the famous covenant funeral song: "Get Down With the Sickness"
-I love 'Disturbed'-
Shutup Stephen. The casket floated out to sea.
-I love the sea-
THATS IT! *pulls out a big pile of horse maneur and loads it on Stephen, Killing him in the process* Hey what did I say about seires fianalies?
A strong wind blew and pushed the casket towards the shore. The casket hit the shore and Nic-Nac's flaming body rolled out of the casket.
"Oh crap" MC said, and NIc-Nac's body exploded as he screamed the immortal words: MC YOU BIATCH!!!
After that, everything was silent.
"Well that was a bad move" MC commented on himself.
The crowd said,"UH-HUH!"
-2 years later-
Oh good you got the time right this time! *also piles the time progressor dude in a pile of horse crap, killing him also* Heh heh I love my job.
There is merrage music playing, and it is inside a church. MC stands at the podium with his bride-to-be.
"I do." He says just after we come into this part of his life.
"And you?" the nun, who turnes out to be Wado, Looks over to the bride, that has her face covered with a vail. The Bride nods.
"Ok you may now kiss the bride!" Wado said happily. The bride lifted the vail slowly to reveal, Chief Mendez.
"UH-UH! The 'Greasy's' crowd all said in disbelief.
"Oh my gosh, its like, so romantic." 343 GS said, crying, and hugging Cortana. The camera goes over to MC, just about to kiss chief Mendez, and then MC covers the camera with his hand.
THE END!
Authors Note:
Okay this is most likely the last part. Im sorry if you liked it and want more, but I dont think you'll be seeing anymore for a while. I'd like to thank all the people that I ranted over the entire series: Bungie employees, people in the game, HBO fan fic submitters, companies, my friends, Ibonk represenitives, and many sexual and immature comments that I made so many times, and my newly favorite word: PROCREATE!!! thanks for everyones support and I hope you enjoyed this comedy. Nobody should take any offense to this story, really, nobody.
Bloopers:
"Halo, its finished" Cortana said slowly.
"YOUR DAMN RIGHT IT IS BITCH!" MC said.
Hey stephen....STEPHEN!!! QUIT PLAYING WITH YOURSELF IN THE BATHROOM AND GET OVER HERE!
343 picks up the phone"WAZZUUPP"
MC,"WAZZUUUUUUUUPP"
Cortana, "Hi"
"There's one thing about Marty Odonnel's hands, they're so callased, he cant even tell that he's grabbing your ass or not" MC said to Nic-Nac after they got out of the Gay bar.
In the first stages of Mis-adventures of Master Chief, I was going to put ina flood infection form, as another sidekick. they were going to find him singing ina cave,"...nobody knows the troble I've seeeeen, nooobody knows my sorrow..." But then I thought, WOW Im not THAT stupid HAHA eh heh heh...heh right?
The casket is lit on fire and Matt Soell Jumps out screaming on fire,"DAMMIT Master Chief I WAS ONLY KIDDING WHEN I SAID TO CUT YOU OT OF HALO 2!!!"
The Brides vail is lifted to reveal Nic-Nac on stilts,"KISS ME YOU BIG HOMO!" The grunt says, as he jumps onto MC kissing him all over
"UH-UH!" says the crowd.
Well thats the end of MAOMC(you know the acronym) have a great and wonderful(non homosexuall) life! :D
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