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Its Just One of Those Days by Elfster
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Its Just One of Those Days: Intro
Date: 12 June 2003, 6:23 AM
"Hey sexy, wake up, we're home."
The voice echoed in his head for a moment, followed up by this one thought:
Wtf
"Cortana?" he asked.
*cough cough* "Yes, Chief?"
He rolled over in bed and looked at the hologram of Cortana on the computer terminal next to the bed.
"Is it just me or did you just call my sexy?"
"Thats right stud muffin-Err... Why the hell would i do that? Cheif if I've told you once I've told you a million times: Get your ears checked!"
"Does that mean you've told me a million and one times now?"
"Shut up..."
He crawled out of bed and shuffled randomly about.
"Hey uhh... Cortana, where are my clothes?"
"Oh now if I told you where they were that wouldnt be any fun now would it sexy- I mean.... Their in the closet, of course, Chief..."
"Would you quit calling me sexy?"
"make that a million and two times, Chief..."
"Whatever."
He shuffled back towards the bed, looking along the walls for a closet.
"Closet's that way." said Cortana, pointing outside the room.
"Oh ya, right, i knew that, just got turned around, thats all."
"Whatever you say, sexy."
"A million and 3 times...."
"huh? oh shi- Uhh... What are you talking about?
After a few seconds a voice came from down the hall.
"Wait a second.... They dont have closets in these Long-sword fighters..."
"You're a little slow today arent you, Sexy?"
-Day after the destruction of Halo, in docking bay 06 on some random military base in the middle of nowhere somewhere back on Earth-
The Cheif climbs out of his Longsword fighter and is greeted by all to familiar UNSC marines and crewman that look like the ones that made it off the Pillar of Autumn.
"Where the hell are we?" he asked.
"Docking bay 06 on some random military base in the middle of nowhere somewhere back on Earth. Duh. Cant you read the subtitles?" said Cortana via his MJOLNIR armor.
"Theres subtitles in this game."
"Nope."
"I hate you..."
Their conversation was inerrupted by a very familiar marine;
"Sir! The Captain needs you on the bridge ASAP! Better follow me!
"Waitasec, didnt you say that on the POA? said the cheif.
"Yes, Sir."
"Didnt the POA crash on Halo?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Wait. so shouldnt you be dead?"
"Yes, Sir."
"But I've seen you die like 6 frickin times in Halo. Bungie must really like you or something...."
"Yes, Sir."
"... Hey uhh... Just between you and me... Am I sexy?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Do I need to get my ears checked?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Are you gonna say that all frickin day?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Are you an idiot?"
"No, Sir."
"I frickin hate you..."
-Minutes later, the day after the destruction of Halo, on some random military base somewhere on Earth-
"Captain Keyes!!!" yelled MC, astonished.
"Master Cheif!!!" yelled Captain Keyes, astonished.
They embraced.
"Ok... dude... is this like totally gay and way too girly?"
"Yes, Sir."
"Is that all anyone on this frickin game ever says?"
Captain Keyes then sits down at his desk:
"Please, Cheif, have a seat."
"Gladly- Waitasecond... I thought the Flood got you, and I punched through your head and pulled out your neural implants!"
"Yes, sir."
"WHO THE HELL KEEPS SAYING THAT?"
"Well... you did... "
"Huh... than how are you here?"
"No idea..."
"Riiight."
"Lets get on with business shall we?"
"Yes, sir- SHIT... Now I'm starting to say it.... this is givin' me the creeps."
"Yes, Sir."
"..."
"Cheif, I have a new mission for you, its very important and you're one of the only people equiped to do the job, you're battle suit hould suit you well in this task." said Keyes.
"What is it?"
"A very dangerous task... here at some random military base the day after the destructuon of Halo somewhere on Earth, we're having some problems in the kitchen." he added.
"Such as?"
"Huh?- Oh! Yes, right to the point I see." Keyes stammered.
"... Uhh, Captain, what were you doing under there?" he asked, nodding at the desk.
"Under where?" said the Captain, a little too quickly.
"What about underwear?"
"I was uhh... Changing my underwear, yah..."
"Riiight..."
"Uhh, what were you saying, Sexy?"
"Ya we- UHH... captain... did you just call me Sexy?"
"Yes, sir."
"im gonna kill that guy by the end of this game... Captain, are you gay?"
"Yes, sir."
"AM I THE ONLY ONE IN THIS WHOLE GAME WHO ISN'T GAY!?"
"Yes, sir."
"You know what..."
"Yes, sir."
"No you dont, theres no way you couldve known what before i said what..."
"Yes, Sir?"
"No, sir."
"Yes, Sir."
"Shut up."
"Yes, sir."
"So what was it that you needed me to do?" said the cheif, returning to the point.
"Oh ya," said Keyes, as if coming out of a trance, he pulled a strange looking jar up and put it on the desk. "needed ya to open these pickles for me."
"What...?"
"Told you I knew what."
"but, that was a different what."
"Whatever."
"So you brought me here to open a jar of pickles."
"Yes, sir."
"WOULD YOU QUIT SAYING THAT!?"
"No, sir."
-look for more Its Just One of Those Days episodes coming soon to a browser near you.
"
Its Just One of Those Days: 02
Date: 15 June 2003, 10:56 PM
"So you brought me here to open a jar of pickles."
"Yes, sir."
"WOULD YOU QUIT SAYING THAT!?"
"No, sir."
Episode 02 - And now, the moment you've all been waiting for... or atleast some of you have...
Episode 02 - The Kitchen
"These pickles arent the real reason I brought you here, Chief." Keyes continued.
"Well than what's my real mission?"
"To open this jar of pickles."
"But you just said that wasn't my real mission."
"It isn't."
"Well than what IS my real mission?"
"I just said, to open this jar of pickles for me.."
"I should've never signed that contract with Bungie..."
"You're real mission is to infiltrate the kitchen, neutralize hostile ground forces and/or cover fire until marines can set these explosives."
"...... What?....." The Cheif stammered a bit.
"Oh ya and open this jar of pickles for me while you're at it."
"I hate this job."
"General Vague will be accompanying you to the kitchen to help you on your mission."
"General Who? "
"Cheif, if I've told you once I've told you a million times: Get your ears checked!"
"Thats actually the millionth and 4 time today captain."
"Huh?"
"Oh, nothing."
"Ahh, General Vague, you arrived just in time," Keyes seemed to be looking over the cheif's shoulder. "Cheif, the General will inform you further on your mission, now go! They wont hold much longer!"
"Uhh... Riiight..."
5 Minutes Later
"Ok Cheif, heres the story: Here at some random military base in the middle of nowhere somewhere on Earth we've had some troubles in the kitchens. It seems people have been refusing their duties to clean out the frige."
"..........."
Like I was saying, lifeforms in the frige have now began to mutate into a parasitic lifeform thats proven to be deadly."
"And I thought the food AFTER it was cooked was bad..."
"This parasitic lifeform infested all food and such of the kind in the frige and has made monstrosities beyond belief."
"You mean like my mom?"
"Ya something like tha-... What?"
"Oh, nothing."
Look, Cortana, im just not calling him GeneraL Vague. It's like... Embarrasing. Why do I have to put up with this shit? He said to Cortana through his neural implants.
Anything I can do about it, Sexy?
Ya there is - Quit calling me that! How would you like it if all of the sudden I started calling YOU sexy?
Oh yeah, now you're catchin onto my way of thinkin, Sexy.
Ohhh jeez. You know what, I shouldn't have even gone there, just drop it.
"Ok man, when we go in there, I'm the man, you do what I say, and you don't get in my way, is that clear?" the Cheif continued.
"Yes Si-"
"DONT!!!!!"
"Huh?"
"Oh, nothing, General... General... Uhh... Whats you're name again?"
"Vague, sir."
"Why do I have to put up with this shit?"
"Should I take that as an insult, boy?"
"Take it however you like. No shit you should take it as an insult. How'd you ever get promoted to general?"
"Well it was way back when I was just a private, working on the Pillar of Autumn as security, but that was before you're time. Anyways, like I was saying. When the Covenant began attacking the ship I saved a man's life by getting him out of the way of an incoming plasma grenade."
"Whoa... really?"
"No, but it sounded cool didnt it?"
"Who the hell is recruiting these people!?"
-in The Kitchen-
"Whoa sonovabitch, and I thought my mom's cooking was bad." said the cheif as he entered the kitchen and began helping the marines.
He took a closer look and realized something - These werent the killer veggies in little kid's nightmares. The Flood had come into creation right in this fricking kitchen! Damn. I'm never complaining about my girlfriend's cooking again, he thought to himself.
"Alright, plant the explosives and lets blow this joint."
"What!! There's joints here? Tight! How much?"
The Cheif smacked himself on the forehead.
"Just plant the explosives, General.... General... Oh screw it."
"Yes, si-"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" the Cheif yelled, he jumped on the General, un-suspectingly saving him from an incoming infested carrot.
"Whoa! oh my god, sir, you saved my life!"
"Huh?"
"Sir, the explosives are planted, we better get outa here."
"Uhh... Ook..."
-look for more Its Just One of Those Days episodes coming soon to a browser near you =) Sorry that this chapter was a little shorter than the last. Almost too short to be submitted, started running out of funny ideas. I hope you like it all, posted comments are welcome )
Its Just One of Those Days: 03
Date: 24 June 2003, 1:55 AM
That night on the Cheif's Longsword fighter, still docked in docking bay 06 on some random military base in the middle of nowhere somewhere back o-SHHHUT... UUUUUUUPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!............. Right.... Sorry..
"Hey, sexy..."
"Sup?" he said as he removed his helmet, by now totally giving up on getting her to call him anything else.
"No, look up."
A small curiosity arose from him when he realized the voice wasn't coming from Cortana's hologram.
"What the..." he whipped around and saw a slightly smaller, younger version of Dr.Hasley standing in the doorway. Cortana? Human? He knew it was impossible but maybe it wasn't, considering all the proof he needed was standing infront of him and calling him sexy. I bet the Covenant dont have to put up with this shit.
"You're.... human..?"
"Yup, thats right stud m-"
"WOULD YOU QUIT THAT ALREADY!?"
"Well, looks like someone missed his visit from the Happy Elf this morning." She pushed her weight off the doorway and walked toward him with a spunky attitude. They both they were acting totally immaturely, and like horny teenagers, but it was fun, he admitted that to himself, even though still a little confused.
"How'd you....do it, anyways?"
"The AI Cortana was supposed to be a clone of Dr.Hasley's brain, and her image was supposed to look like a younger version of Hasley. Based on all that information, it was easy to make a complete clone."
"Waitasec.... If they can clone people, why didnt they just make an army of Spartans?"
"Uhh... 'Cause they're all greedy bastards?"
"Something like that."
"So what do you think?" She grinned and sat down with her legs crossed on his small bed. It wasn't much, but the Longsword fighter needed a place for pilots to rest when they couldn't be piloting a whole journey.
"hmmm... she IS sexy bu- ERRRRRRRRRRR I MEEEAAN UMMM... Its... Uhh... Nice, but what are you gonna do now? since you're human and all." He sat down on the bed as well.
"I.. am going to kiss you.. Like I have never... kissed.. anyone.. before."
"Then get it over with - After all, you haven't."
"Save your breath, you'll need it."
-Meanwhile, aboard the Covenant cruiser The Truth And Reconciliation, in the bedroom of Elite Commander Kyln-
"HOLY SHIT YOU- uhh... Look so great, babe... even.. without you're make-up on... man I bet the humans dont have to put up with this shit."
-Riight... for all you fans out there, be lucky you didn't have to witness that... Or maybe you have... Think Cher without embalming fluid. Anyways, back on the Cheif's Longsword fighter-
The Following Morning
"Whoooaaa... ooooooo...... Pretty lights..."
"Uhh, Cortana... You ok?"
"Yeeaaahh.. man... why are our clothes all over?"
"I dunno, why are beer cans all over the place?"
"Oh I duno... Why do I feel like shit?"
Then an automated voice came on.
"Package recieved for John 117..."
"Jeeez... I don' wanna get up... I'm stoned enough as it is.."
"You wanna go see a movie or somethin'?"
"What's good out?"
"Hmm... Lets see... Saving private Donut.. Grunts Almighty... PMS: Reloaded... Master Cheif 117... oh ya and The Halo Chick."
"Uhh.. Is it just me or do those all sound like really old movies that all just have a different title?"
The voice interrupted again.
"Package recieved for John 11-"
"SHUT UP!! Oww.. Gawd... I have such a headache. I hope its a package of Tylonel..."
He slid out of bed and shuffled to a small box-size teleporter built into the wall. A package materialized at the touch of a button. Actually, it wasn't a very small box, it looked like it could hold a TV or two..or maybe just a big TV...
A letter attached said Happy Birthday, Fucker.
"Huh... from... What! 343 Guilty Spark? I thought I killed that bastard.."
"You didn't even play Halo, did you?"
"Huh?"
"He flew away into space after Halo exploded, back to Earth probably."
"You mean back to Bungie Studios?"
"Probably."
"I'm afraid to look."
He ripped the tape off and slowly opened the box. Inside was a small crouched, eerily familiar marine...
"Oh... My.. God... It's not... IT'S NOT....!"
"Yes, Sir!"
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" he screamed.
"Like it?" came another familiar voice.
"Wha..? Captain Keyes? HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN HERE?-"
He turned around and saw Keyes frenching the marine.
"DUDE WHAT THE HELL..." he sniffled, "How many affairs have you been having!?"
"Oh, no! Cheif, it's not what you think, really!"
"HAH! YOU'RE GAY! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I KNEW IT! YOU'RE BOTH GAY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Then came the familiar voice of another marine.
"CRIKEY! Look folks! Its Cortana! Shhh! This might be a bad time a' the month! Ima try n' sneak up on it an' poke it with a stick to see what it does!"
"What the hell IS THIS? Since when did my pad become a freak show?!" Keyes interrupted him. -
"MMMACHO, MACHO MAAN! I WANNA BEE A MACHO MAAAAN!"
"Captain, you are SO gay..."
"Yes, Sir!"
"Ya know... I'm startin' to like this lil dude..."
Then he opened his eyes, felt air rush into his lungs.
"Whew... it was all just a dream... all just a dream.... whew..."
"Mmaaan... I am SO stoned..."
"CRIKEY! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE GOTTEN INTO THIS!"
"Macho macho maan!"
"Yes, Sir!"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
-Look for more Its Just One of Those Days Episodes coming to a browser near you!
For those of you who didnt get the movie titles here are the real ones:
Saving Private Ryan
The Hot Chick
James Bond: 007
The Matrix: Reloaded
Bruce Almighty
Its Just One of Those Days (Prologue: 1)
Date: 7 July 2003, 10:44 PM
This is the beginning of the events leading up to the freakshow world that the MC lives in in my fan fic. I did this because I couldn't decide whether to write an action/adventure or comedy, so I'm writing both =)
Gunfire from all around rung in his ears. Screams of agony in tongues that were not familiar to him, and some that were. Pvt. Johnson was a marine aboard the Pillar of Autumn, which had picked up the only remaining Spartan off reach and made a blind jump to the middle of nowhere, trying to lead the Covenant fleet away from Earth. And if they hadn't done so, he'd be damned, for this was like a nightmare come true.
As a plasma bolt whizzed past his head, he dove behind a table and blindly shot bursts out of his assualt rifle. A small group of Covenant were on the other side of the cafeteria, the marines were holding them off as well as they could but the kill ratio was about 1-2 in the Covenant's favor. A dead marine lay sprawled in the doorway behind them with blood still leaking out his wounds, along with another marine's dead body layed out fallen on a table, and a crewman or two dead or hiding under a table. Only one or two of the (teasingly nicknamed by the marines) Covenant "grunts" fallen. He ALMOST felt sorry for them... they were sort of cute when you dont count the strange breathing aparatus they had one. Ohwell, they'd look alot cuter when they were all dead and burning in Hell. With the thought in his mind he peeked above his cover and shot a few bursts out of his rifle, which seemed to gleefully bounce of the Covenant's shields. He ducked, droped his rifle and drew his pistol, then, actually UNDER the table, he shot any feet that didn't look human, bringing some of the unshielded Covenant to the ground. He grabbed his rifle again and strafed across the room, his finger clenched on the triggers of both his weapons so hard they were starting to cramp.
"YOU'RE ALL GONNA ROT IN HELL YOU SONS OF BI-" he was suddenly thrown to the ground by a human figure who adorned green battle armor and an assualt rifle. It couldn't be.....
"Don't get so reckless, I might not be here next time, kid." the Spartan pointed to a plasma grenade behind him.
"Uhh, Yes, sorry, sir."
The Cheif surveyed the scene - There weren't many Covenant left, only a grunt and a stanard blue-armored Elite. He put a new clip in his pisol and peeked over a table, and managed to get a headshot in on the last remaining Grunt.
Right then a door opened behind the last Elite, and three marines unloaded their rifles into it's back. It fell to the ground with a grunt, then coughed up a slick purple liquid before it lay motionless on the floor A second group of Covenant entered from the far right side of the room. Six Grunts and 2 Elites. Ducking behind another table, he took out four grunts with his pistol, then grabbed his rifle and fired a few bursts into an Elite who's shield had been depleted, Then emptied almost the whole rest of his clip into the second Elite. He had 6 rounds left in the clip, and used it to take out any grunty stragglers.
Exiting the other side of the room he found a rack that had a packet of ammo for his assualt rifle and pistol, he took what he needed and noticed there was a dead marine by an overturned piece of junk he had been using for cover. He (The Cheif, Ya, we know we use the word "He" as many times as you've whacked grunts with your assualt rifle.) readied his pistol, and peaked around the corner.
Yup, just as he expected, 3 grunts, two of them yellow, and their leader was red. The red one was sneaking down the hallway, with the 2 yellow grunts following in formation behind, with plasma pistols ready. he jumped around the corner and shot 2 rounds at the red Grunt, one in the shoulder, and one in it's chest cavity. It grunted like grunts do and fell to the floor, he got a shot in on one of the yellow grunts and ducked back out of the hallway. When he glanced carefully back into the hallway he saw their leader, who now had 2 bullets lodged in his upper body, trying to get up and make a last heroic stand.
He wasn't going to let it happen.
He switched to his assualt rifle, and strafed across the hallway antrance with his finger on the triger, finishing the small group.
As he jogged through the hallways, The Autumn's hull shuddered and groaned, throwing him to the floor. There wasn't much time. Plasma fire could be heard in the next coridor. He saw 3 marines holding off an elite. A nice fist lodged into its back put it down for the count. Another explosion, this time he steadied himself, but the marines werent so lucky.
"What the hell!? Did something just hit us?"
"Move it! Back to the airlock!"
The group quickly jogged to the nearest airlock. 2 marines guarded one of the lifeboat docks. An explosion of blue plasma sent one marine flying head-first into a wall, and the other marine landed, skidded across the floor, and lay motionless as a grunt peaked out of the opening with a devilish grin on it's face. It got a little lead in its diet that day.
the rest of the group poured out. The standard sqaud, 6 grunts, one red, along with 2 Elites. He strafed across the opening, with a burst from his assualt rifle, hiting most of the grunts, 2 of them screamed and began to retreat and run away. He whipped out his pistol and took one out. As he pulled the triger on the second, a force from behind sent him to the ground. He rolled over and looked up. An Elite was standing infront of him, rifle ready. The elite fired a burst out of it's plasma rifle, but it was too late, The Cheif rolled out of the way, grabbed its legs and pulled it to the ground, and lodged a bullet in it's cranium.
He heard a whooshing sound as the second elite barely missed him, pounding it's rifle into the ground. The marines surrounded it and pointed their rifles at it - it froze immediatly, realizing a little too late that the only one of his group that had survived was a grunt that had betrayed them all only seconds before.
The Cheif rose to his feet and pointed his pistol to the Elite's head, "What do you know!? How many other Covenant are boarding the ship?!" it remained silent.
"Wax 'em boys." The marines opened fire at once, bringing down the Elite's shields easily as the Cheif slammed his rifle into it's gut, sending it hurtling back into the boarding craft that attached to the airlock. He quickly found a panel to shut the door. He pressed it quickly, but then remembered that the door had been blown off. "Oh well... feel like telling us now?"
Now it was pissed. It rose to its feet, roared at the top of its lungs and charged him. he sidestepped and kicked it in the rear, sending it into the wall.
"Nice face-plant!" shouted one of the marines. They all laughed and secured the area as the Cheif moved on.
"Jeez, next time keep your head down, theres two of us in here now remember? You almost got whacked."
"I did that on purpose." he lied to her through his neural implants as he jogged along.
He jogged into a darkened hall where one marine was firing bursts at an elite who was illuminated by his shields, and another marine trying to dodge plasma bursts. There was a grunt accompanying the Elite. He fired a 3-round burst into the grunt's chest and then shot 3 rounds out of his pistol to severely damage the Elite's shields as he ran forward with his rifle ready. The Elite charged him, but he was too quick, and slammed the rifle into the Elite's gut, sending it to the ground. He pumped 10 rounds into it, reloaded, gave the marines a thumbs-up and moved on. down the hall, 2 marines were hiding behind cover trying to hold their own against countless grunts and two elites. He readied his pistol and shot wildly at anything below his waste line. One of the Elites charged him and tried to tackle, but he was too quick, and jammed the pistol into it's neck, knocking it out. The second Elite, in a rage, wildly jumped in and started his attempt to beat him to death with kicks and screams, and now and then a few plasma bursts. he had to give it credit, This was almost a challenge.
------------------------------------
"Master, please excuse my interruption, but I have come with dire news."
"What is it?"
"One of the human super-soldiers we encountered on the human colony world we just recently decimated has escaped on the vessel we are in combat with as we speak."
"WHAT!? Gah! Where is it now?"
"We have lost communication with all squads that have encountered the creature, and our scanners are not currently detecting it. Master, Epsilon believes that it is hiding within the ship's accessways, and is hunting the thing down this very moment."
"Exellent, I knew I could count on you."
-----------------------------------
"Dammit, why do they have to make these maintenence aceessways so confusing?"
"If you'd quit babbling and turn on your flashlight it wouldn't be a problem."
He heard a footstep in the distance, but noticed that the sound was cut short as everything went silent, too silent. He turned on his flashlight and looking around.
"Hello??" the words echoed out and died. A chill ran down his spine. Then something hit him in the back, hard, sending him flat on his chest. He was then hoisted up by his ankles and dropped by something. He rolled straight forward as he landed, and his flashlight flickered a little bit, then went dead, then a few seconds later, came back on. After taking a second or two to re-orient himself, he heard a whooshing sound.
On reflexes alone he swung his arm back and ducked, it made contact with something that was knocked to the ground next to him. It was an Elite, in golden armor.
It rolled sideways and grabbed at his feet, but he jumped in time. Although it hadn't tripped him, he had given it all the time it needed to get back on its feet. He slammed his rifle into its gut, and it parried by kneeing him in the groin, then trying to tackle him. He recovered fast enough to grab the Elite and push it back. Now it was a test of strength, He had a hold of its fists, and in that sense, it had a hold of his. They moved as one creature, back, forward, and sideways through the tight coridors until he saw light behind him. An exit!
He prepared himself, as he began to strafe so that the Elite had it's back turnd to the exit, then, taking the advantage of having his fists clenched around the Elite's, let go and sidestepped as the Elite stumbled around, trying to stop himself. the Cheif turned around to run, but not quick enough, the Elite tackled him from the back and the two of the rolled out of the acessways and into another abandoned airlock.
Getting free of eachother, he stood up and, breathing heavily, began to notice all the pains in his body as the Elite seemed to do the same. Then he saw a squad of Covenant round the corner and sppear in the airlock, standing behind the golden Elite.
There were 2 red Elites, 2 jackals with gold-shields, and 5 grunts, one of which, as always, was red as the others were Yellow. They stood in formation behind what he guessed to be their leader, and his worst enemy by now.
The Elite stood at it's full heighth, with the most retarded excuses for a grin on his face, looking down at him. It seemed to be speaking to something through it's helmet.
"Your Exellency, the primitive human has shown to be no match. My squad and I will terminate him now unless you wish otherwi-"
All of the sudden a rocket flew over his head and landed between the Elite and the rest of the squad which was pakced in a tight formation.
-"GAAAAHHHH-"
He whipped around and saw a familiar marine with a rocket launcher on his shoulder.
"Yo man, I figured I owed you one."
Its Just One of Those Days (prologue: 2)
Date: 10 July 2003, 2:32 AM
When he could see again he was on the ground, with a limp leg hanging infront of him, and the smell of smoke littering the lifeboat.
"Ugghh...." he tried to get up but there was an aching pain in his thigh.
"Cheif? CHEIF!? Can you hear me??.."
He pulled himself up and held onto one of the seats.
"Are you alright? Can you move?"
"What does it look like?"
He looked around...
The pilot was hunched in the chair, two marines looked the same in their seats, and one marine was face down on the floor with blood gushing out his head, and two marines sprawled on the ground outside - One of them moved.
"Hey! You ok!?" he ran over to the marine and realized it was Pvt. Johnson.
"Thank god, I thought I was the only one who made it out alive."
"Never doubt a Spartan." he helped Johnson to his feet. They looked around.
There were supplies scattered around, but no signs of life.
he sighed, "Gather up anything you need. and lets get outa here, before someone... or someTHING finds us...
"Alert! I'm picking up multiple Covenant dropships scattered throughout this area, We should get moving."
"Right."
Johnson picked up his rocket launcher, which he couldn't hold when they crashed, and he picked up a standard assault rifle and all the clips he could carry, which was 10. He had 2 rockets in his launcher and 2 spare. The Cheif picked up a pistol and 10 clips, also the standard assualt rifle and as many clips as he could find for it.
The humming of a Covenant dropship was heard in the distance.
"Lets get the hell outa here." They jogged across the metal bridge that went across the waterfall and proceeded up the hill. "Shit..." he pointed out 2 banshees in the distance, a small squad of Covenant up ahead, and a dropship of them coming across the bridge. "We're gonna need those rockets."
----------------------
"Shit! Retreat! Get up to the cliff!" Sarge screamed.
The marines were holding a position in a rock slide, using whatever they could for cover. A 10-15 foot cliff was above them. If they could get up to that they would own the higher ground, because the Covenant were about to own the lower.
There was a humming of an engine in the distance, then, before they knew what hit them, a Warthog flew off and cliff, and about a half a second later, a rocket flew out of it and hit the ground infront of the marines, but not too close, eliminating all Covenant forces. The warthog landed with a thud and bounced once.
The driver looked over casually - It was a spartan. The passenger was a marine with a rocket launcher, and the gunner was an armored marine.
"Sure could use your help, Sir."
--------------------
"Your Exellency, we just lost contact with Delta."
"Gah! Not again.. This primitive creature shall not defeat one more of our warriors in battle!.... Send in Epsilon and Beta..."
"Bu.... Master, are you sure? The combat and life support systems have not been tested!"
"Do not question my motives!" The roar came out of the shadows. "I don't care if it hasn't been tested! Epsilon will not fail us again!!!"
"Yes, Your Highness..."
--------------------
"Sir! We've got two Covenant dropships down there!" yelled one of the marines.
Sure enough, 2 Covenant dropships, in position to flank them, were unloading troops.
He was astonished by the effort the Covenant were puting in to kill these marines. Did they know he was here? Either way, 5 grunts, 2 with Needlers, 2 with Plasma Pistols, and one with a fuel rod cannon, all in silver armor, dumped out of one of the dropships, along with 2 Jackals with gold shields, and one extremely strange looking Elite. The Elite had a golden head, and the rest of his body was silver or mechanical. The second dropship unloaded another 5 grunts, all red, along with 2 gold-shielded Jackals and 2 Red Elites. He looked back at Pvt. Johnson..
"We're screwed."
"How many rockets do you have left?"
"Two."
"Fire them both at that Elite." he pointed to the mechanical Elite with the gold head."
"Sure thing." he fired both at the strange looking creature.
The first rocket hit its mark, and the Elite flew a foot or two into the air, but landed on its feet a yard away. It showed no reaction to what had happened, just kept on going. The second rocket came at it, and it jumped up 5 feet in the air and did a front-flip. The rocket flew under him as he landed, and hit a canyon wall behind him.
"Yup. We're screwed." Covenant came pouring in, but the marines weren't about to die without taking these scaley sons of bitches down with them. 8 Marines (outnumbered one to two) charged forward, triggers down. And when they ran out of ammo, they didnt bother to reload. They bashed with their guns and kicked and headbutted, fought hand to hand if they had two, occasionally falling back to reload and pump more rounds into the Covenant.
The strange Elite seemed to be especially interested in the Cheif. It lunged forward, and kicked him in the head, sending him to the ground. It was faster, stronger, and smarter than him.
But that didn't matter. He was pissed.
He tried to roll to kis feet, but a foot came down on his thigh. He screamed in pain, and a rifle came down on his head, followed by a kick to the ribs. He winced and coughed, Looking the thing in it's robotic eye.
"I haven't forgotten about you, Human."
He tried to get up again, it jumped for him again, but this time he was expecting it. He jammed his fist upwards as it fell, then swung his other fist into it's upper back. He kicked it in the rear and slammed his rifle into it's thigh, then jumped ontop of it and began beating it vigorously, without stoping or slowing down.
The Sarge took a punch to the gut, but the Elite that did it soon had it's head shot to a bloody pulp by the team sniper.
"WHO WANTS A PIECE A M-" a plasma bolt whizzed through his torso, incinerating most of his body. His head fell onto what was left of his legs. Johnson turned around and saw 2 bloody stumps along with a face emortally frozen in pain.
"ohhh you SONS OF BITCHES!!!" he pulled out both weapons and shot at anything thaty moved untill it stopped moving. "YOUR ALL GONNA ROT IN BLOODY HELL!!!" He screamed just as both his weapons clicked.
"Ahh shit..." He charged forward at the Covenant, bashing and kicking and screaming. "You won't take me without a fight you scum sucking BASTARDS!" He kicked one of the Jackals in the gut. It flew back and he grabbed its plasma pistol, charged it, and let go. The blast incinerated the whole body. He turned and elbowed an Elite behind him, which dropped it's weapon. He charged and shot, The Elite, thanks to it's shields, only had minor burns. The gun overheated, he threw it at the Elite's head and grabbed it's plasma rifle, and sent a stream of plasma at it, melting it's insides.
The Elite threw him off the first chance it got, and proceeded to beat on him. It thew him against the cliff wall, and he slumped onto his knees. The Elite grabbed it's plasma sword, and turned it on. It raised its arm and was about to swing when..
" YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" A familiar marine with an insane look on his face pounded into the Elite's back with no end. Johnson tookout his rocket launcher and, as the Elite was recovering from the force, swung the heavy end into it's head, sending it onto the ground and knocking the sword out of it's hand. The Elite reached for the sword, only to realize that the Cheif had it in his hands. It wasn't the first thing he noticed either...
16 Covenant bodies littered the ground, and 6 marines were standing in a semi-circle around him, all with their rifles loaded and aimed. Another marine, with a rocket launcher and needed anger management classes stood infront of him, with a Spartan behind him that had a plasma sword in his hand.
The sound of wind from a dropship echoed as five marines with sniper rifles appeared on the cliff ledge above them with their guns all pointing at the Elite as a very familiar femanine voice came through the radio -
"Echo 419 here and in force, ready to kick some serious ass."
The Elite, quick as lightning, turned on another plasma sword and, before anyone could react, shoved it into Pvt. Johnson.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" The Cheif screamed as he shoved the Plasma sword through the Elite's back as all 11 Marines opened fire. The Elite fell to the ground, and lay motionless as Pvt. Johnson, who was standing there, his rocket launcher hanging infront of him by limp arms, trying to catch his breath, now has a plasma sword impaled in him and a look of sheer surprise and horror on his face.
He screamed at the top of his lungs. it took everyone a second to realize that it wasn't in pain. He held his rocket launcher up high, which has a plasma sword stuck in it, and he was untouched.
"WOOOOHOOOO I MADE IT! I MADE IT! I FUCKING MADE IT!" He fell to his knees and fainted.
The Cheif would have too. But instead he got up, looked down at the Elite, who's mechanical spine was stinn twitching. He threw the sword aside, grabbed the Elite's head, and pulled it clean off. The twitching stopped and it's metal tube hanging from it's head hung still. He tossed it aside and, taking a plasma pistol from a nearby fallen Jackal, Charged it, and shot, melting the head into thin air. He had never felt so lucky to be alive.
Its Just One of Those Days (Prologue: 03)
Date: 20 July 2003, 12:00 AM
He awoke in a hunched over position with a bad headache and an ache in his lower back. Looking around, he tried to get up but his feet were also sore, and his back wasn't taking it well either. He crawled into the middle of his cell before collapsing and looking around.
The room had a metalic purple glint to it, with a metal bench along the back wall, he guessed for sleeping, but he would get no sleep tonight, he knew.
A wall of blue plasma, white at the edges, seperated him from the rest of the room, and the rest of the prisoners. He could see out of it but things were a little fuzzy. The room outside of his cell was dark metallic purple, large, had other holding cells similar to his, with many Covenant guards.
He counted 3 sleeping grunts at the front of the room by the door. Two of them wore goldish yellow environmental suits, while the third wore red. Then he noticed two more of them patrolling the room, both adorned the common yellow armor.
He wasn't quite sure why one was red but he guessed it was some sort of leader among the five of them. Either way, none of them were very dangerous, but five of them together could probably wound a marine or two before the group went down.
Not that it mattered, the only other prisoners were 3 marines, all Sargeants. A few grunts would be a cakewalk.
As for the rest he wasn't so sure; an Elite in golden armor with a plasma sword sat at the end of the room, glaring at the prisoners, it seemed to be guarding a holo pannel on the back wall. That pannel probably controlled the cell doors, he thought.
There were no other guards as far as he knew, except for every once in a while he would notice a strange blur go by. He suspected that there were also stealth elites in the room, between the Grunts and the Elite Commander. It was rumoured that stealth Elites always travelled in pairs, like Hunters.
Summing it up, there was a small squad of five grunts, the leader and two others resting, while the remaining 2 patrolled, 2 Stealth Elites partolled the middle of the room with an Elite Commander in gold armor at the back with a plasma sword..... Against 3 un-armed marines plus 1 un-armed UNSC ship Captain the odds weren't great.
He noted that the golden Elite was scarcely paying attention, and was on the verge of sleep, while the two grunts that weren't asleep often got easily distraced and would stop and chat in their own little language, or study the prisoners.
As for the Stealth Elites, he couldn't tell, but the blurs were fast and persistant, they were the first big threat, they would easily spot any attempt to escape and wake the other 6 Covenant guards. However, he also knew that Steath Elites sacrificed their shields, because the their armor only had the power to either generate shields, or mirror their environment, not both.
Also it was rumoured that the golden Elites had shields that were three times as strong as normal Elites. They could easily turn near-invisible like the Stealth Elites and still have a double-strength shield, but guessed they didn't because of honor; study of the Elites showed that most were very honor-bound....
With the obvious exeption of the Stealth Elites, of course.
He then crawled back into the corner, hunched over, and thought of a way to escape.
____________________________________________________________
"How are we gonna get inside the ship if it's in the air? I don't even have a rifle, let alone wings." complained Johnson.
"Bullshit, Sarge said you almost blew up half the squad earlier, and suspended your weapon privilages!"
(Once again, partial credit goes to RvB for that line)
"There's a grav. lift that carries troops and supplies between the ship and the surface, thats our ticket in!"
The Pelican's engines roared as it landed on the rocky plateu
"GOGOGO! The Corps ain't payin us by the hour!"
5 Marines - Sarge, Bisenti, Johnson, Jenkins, and Stacker jumped off the Pelican and stationed themselves around the area as the Cheif spotted a nice sniper spot or two, then crouched behind a tree, turned on night vision and scoped in on the first line of Covenant defense.
There was a stationary turret that was being manned by a grunt, with 3 Covenant patrolling near it; Another grunt, an Elite, and a Jackal.
Grinning, he got his sights on the grunt in the turret and squeezed the trigger.
____________________________________________________________
A loud crack rang out on the plateu, along with a scream and a loud thumping sound.
He whipped around and saw neon blood all over a Shade, along with a motionless grunt with a hole through it's head sitting at the controls. The other grunt was trembling, hopping up and down screaming and pointing at the body.
Crouching and lowering his shield into position, he fit his plasma pistol through the slot in the shield and began scanning the area when another crack rang out and everything went black.
____________________________________________________________
Zooming back in he saw exactly what he wanted to see:
A dead grunt at the controls of a Shade, a Jackal with a hole through it's head, another Grunt retreating, and an Elite turning around to see what all the noise was.
He knew he wouldn't have much time before the Elite called for reinforcements.
Just as the Elite whipped around, he squeezed the trigger and it's head exploded in a burst of purple blood.
He also knew it wouldn't be long before he was discovered.
Quickly, he rolled to the right of the tree, crouched, and took out a grunt before diving behind a boulder and reloading. When he was done, he peeked around the corner and spotted the last real Covenant soldier here - A lone Jackal frantically scanning the area and trying to run at the same time.
He got his sights on the Jackals head when...
The Jackal tripped on a rock right as he pulled the triger, causing him to miss. The Jackal quickly rolled over and spotted him.
"Shit! Marines, move in!" he yelled.
But it was too late, the Jackal had also called for reinforcements.
The marines moved in and eliminated the three Grunts and the Jackal as more Covenant came in.
He noted that the only way the Covenant could get here was through a small chokehole with a Covenant stationary turret positioned right next to it.
Zooming in on the chokehole he waited for them to come.
Sure enough, the first through was an Elite, who's head soon blew off in a purple fountain.
Puting the sniper rifle back on his back, and pulling out his assualt rifle he strafed over to the turret while firing, he killed 2 grunts and wounded one before he got there.
Pushing a dead grunt out of the turret he hopped in as the rest of the 6-grunt squad came down the path. He opened fire as the 3 grunts were shredded and vaporized by the triple plasma blasts.
It wasn't over yet, though, as a small squad of Jackals came down right after - 2 with Blue shields and 1 with a Gold shield.
They crouched and raised their shields as the two blue-shielded Jackals held position and fired.
Their shields didn't hold very long, but it gave their leader all the time it needed to dive behind a boulder as the second one went down. Before he could react the lone Jackal charged it's pistol and released.
He swung the turret around and began to fire, but it was too late. Just as the turret recoiled from the shot, the bolt hit, sending him flying out of the turret and onto the ground.
"Damn man, I just had this thing washed." All the Marines laughed as they moved up the path to the next line of Covenant defense.
____________________________________________________________
As he continued to stare out of the transparent wall that seperated him from the outside world, he noticed some sort of conversation between the Golden Elite and....
Nobody, it appeared to be talking to itself, or, more likely, through some sort of radio. Human understanding of Covenant language was little, but this is what he managed to translate from the gibberish:
"Sir, ew tsuj lost contact h'tiw units one through fifteen, ecruos unknown!"
"Tahw! Retreat half fo enil two...."
He couldn't translate anything beyond that, but he didn't need to, he knew what was happening... He nodded to the marine in the cell opposite him, who nodded back.
____________________________________________________________
"Nice shot!" Yelled Johnson as the Cheif picked off the last of the Covenant guarding the next area.
Strapping his rifle onto his back and pulling out his assualt rifle again, he ran along between the edge of the plateu and a cliff that rose up about 8 feet off the ground.
Once he got around he scanned the area:
The area looked like a big ditch, the center was the lowest part, with the cliff he had been walking around rising up from it to the right, and the ground to the left slanted up but met a rock wall. The only way out was another meager path that went along the edge of the plateu.
The area was also occupied with a squad of five grunts and an Elite, who were now charging in his direction.
He dove behind cover and called to his Marines over the radio:
"Johnson, Sarge, Reverse triangle with me on the Elite, the rest of you circle around and flank the Grunts!"
They all knew what the reverse triangle was...
He rolled out from behind the boulder he was hiding behind and shot two small bursts at the Elite to distract it while the Marines moved around back, killing grunts on the way.
The Elite turned to him and fired a small burst from his plasma rifle, then, Johnson and Sarge crouched infront of him, making a triangle, and started firing.
The Elite was distraced for a moment and began firing at either of them as they both rolled in opposite directions so that they would switch positions. As they did this he pointed his assualt rifle at the Elite and put it on full automatic.
Now the Elite's attention was back on him, as the two Marines finished their rolls they did the same.
Bullets fired from all three directions all of the sudden, and the Elite's shields were ripped apart.
It dropped on the ground behind a small dirt hill and then, as it started to blindly fire pulses of plasma at the three, three more streams of bullets hit in in the back. Confused, it stood up and turned around and saw three more marines firing at him, as he also felt the first three firing again.
All the grunts had been killed and he was now outnumbered and flanked. His shields couldn't hold against the six streams of bullets and quickly gave way. He would not die by the hands of these primitive infidels. Rage built up in him, he crouched, took out a plasma grenade, triggered it, then held it in his fist as he charged towards one of the groups and roared a battle cry that echoed throughout the night as an explosion rocked him, blue mist filled his vision and his body was incinerated.
The front two marines dove out of the way, but the center marine was backed up against a wall and was caught in the blast.
Then 3 grunts ran down the hill and hopped around nervously as they fired small bursts out of their plasma pistols, managing to land each shot 2 meters away from their targets, their fragile bodies soon torn apart by the rifle fire.
The 6 - now 5 - marines gathered in a group - Johnson, Sarge, Master Cheif, Stacker, and Jenkins.
"Dammit..."
"There's nothing we can do but make sure Bisenti didn't die in vein... Let's move marines!"
____________________________________________________________
"Your Highness, the Humans are making their way to the gravity lift, it seems. They have destroyed all our defenses except for the last line before the lift, and the lift defenses itself."
"Send more reinforcements to the last line, and also send more to the gravity lift. And have Omega report to the gravity lift immediatly and send them down on my mark."
"Sir, we only have one dropship on standby right now, it will take us some time to ready a second, but I will make sure we get it as fast as possible."
"Very well... very well..."
____________________________________________________________
"Alert! Covenant dropships are inbound!"
"Man, it's always somethin'."
"Damn, as if this wasn't enough already!"
They had just gotten through a hard battle with 4 Jackals, five stationary turrets, and a red Elite, but made it.
Sure enough, a Covenant dropship flew by, turned and decelerated until it came to a stop, then lowered itself to the ground as two troop bays opened, reveiling a squad of four grunts, two Jackals, and two Elites.
He fired a few short bursts into one of the Elites, then threw a plasma grenade into their midst which took out 2 Grunts and a Jackal, and wounded another grunt.
He charged a Blue elite, while firing a 10-round burst into it, significantly weakening it's shields.
As soon as it was within range, it swung it's rifle down, but he rolled to the side and swung his rifle into it's leg. It fell down on one knee, and he swung again, But it jumped up in time and before he could react it swung it's rifle down on his head. As it came down, he did a backwards summersualt and then charged forward and hit it in the gut, sending it sprawling to the ground. He pulled out his sniper rifle and put it out of it's missery. The only forces left from the dropship were one Jackal and a Red Elite. The Jackal was holding it's own against the Marines but he knew that it would only last a few seconds. The Elite roared and charged him, but this time he knew what to expect, he easily dodged it and swung his rifle into it's back as hard as he could. It flew through the air a yard and a half, then hit the ground and skidded to the edge of the plateu. It started to try and save itself, but couldn't recover fast enough from the hit and fell to it's doom.
____________________________________________________________
The Elite hadn't stopped talking for quite a long time and he began to try and translate again, whatever they were talking about it must have been important, besides the fact that the worst bad-asses in the Marine Corps were kicking their asses. After about five minutes he deciphered something about a Halo... and after the next few minutes after that he noted something about a weapon and a search, then gave up again as sleep dragged at his body.
____________________________________________________________
"Cortana to Echo 419, we've cleared the Gravity lift and are ready for reinforcements!"
"Roger that Cortana, I'm on my way."
"Once we get inside the ship I should be able to lock onto Captain Keyes' neural implants, He should be in or near the ship's brig which should narrow our search."
The three marines left hopped onto the dropship as five more marines got off and jogged to the grav lift. The only marine that stayed was Johnson.
"Sleep isn't in your vocabulary is it?" he joked.
"No, but saving your ass from freaky hybrid-cyborg-Covenant is."
They both laughed and jumped onto the lift.
____________________________________________________________
He awoke with a start as gunfire and plasma filles the air. He didn't know how long he had been asleep, he didn't even know how long he had been here, every moment had been the same except for the ever accelerating need to sleep, which he had been ignoring best he could.
Looking out the fuzzy plasma wall he could see a battle taking place, four dead grunt bodies littered the floor along with one pale-blue colored Elite. Continous plasma fire came from only one blur, and the red grunt, while the Golden Elite was dueling with something. Trying to get a better view of the fight, he saw the Elite fall and a dark figure take something off of it. In the dark end of the room where they had been fighting he saw a plasma sword ignite, and in the dim blue light he could make out a tall emerald figure holding it.
Its Just One of Those Days: 04
Date: 10 August 2003, 2:25 AM
Note: The Prologue series isnt dead... its resting... And for this episode we have Halo bloopers for the first level!
POA, on the bridge:
Keyes: The object we found, I'm gonna try and land the Autumn on it.
Cortana: With all due respect sir, you really should stop smoking that stuff.
-CUT-
POA, Cryo B:
Crewman: Ok, sir, go ahead and climb out of the cryo tube.
MC: How?
Crewman: Press X, sir.
MC: what? X? I don't see any X button...
Crewman: On the controller, sir.
MC: What the heck are you talkin about?
-On the cheif's HUD-
Press X to climb out of the cryo tube
MC: Oh now don't you start with me, mister...
-CUT-
POA, Cryo B observation deck:
*BANG, BANG, BANG*
Crewman: AHhh! Their tryin to get through the door! Security to Cryo 2!
*BWOOSH*
Red Elite: Hey man! I gotta go BAD! Can I use your bathroom?
Crewman: Oh yeah, sure, down that hall, first door on the left.
Red Elite Thanx man!
*Elite gets back*
Red Elite: Ok, I'm done... *Walks over to the door he broke through and turns around and shoots the crewman*
*Security comes in*
One marine: *eating a sandwhich* Ahh man, that was a good sandwhich *Looks at the elite* Want one?
-CUT-
POA, Hallway to Cryo B:
-on the cheif's HUD-
Press A to jump over obstacles
MC: Hey! What did I tell you about that?!
-CUT-
POA, Hallway:
MC: *running after jumping over the pipes*
Wall: *BOOM, explodes*
MC: AHHHHHHHHH! *turns around and runs the other way* IM TOO YOUNG TO DIE!
-CUT-
POA, doorway:
MC: *walks up to door*
Elite: *Right through the door* GAAAAAAHHH!... Don't scare me like that!
-CUT-
POA, doorway to cafeteria:
Marine: Sir! The captain needs you on the bridge ASAP, better follow me!
MC: *Faints* Not..... again.......
-CUT-
POA, Bridge:
MC: Friends don't let friends pilot stoned...
-CUT-
POA, leaving bridge:
Grunt #1: Ahh shit man, isn't this where we get our heads blown off? *head gets blown off from pistol bullet*
Grunt #2: Guess so... but think about it... Seeveenntyy ttwwoo viiirgiinssss... *head gets blown off*
Grunt #3: Waitasec... Ahh shit... come to think of it... I think he said seventy two VIRGINIANS. AHHHHHHH! *Bang*
-CUT-
POA, near airlock:
Marine #3: What the hell? What smells so bad?
Marine #2: OH SHIT! MOVE IT! BACK TO THE GAS LOCK!
-CUT-
POA, last lifeboat:
Marine: *gets blown down from explosion* Uhh... Line!
Now... that wraps it up for POA bloopers... on to POA PROFILES! YAY!
Captain Keyes.
Age:
Cortana: "I can't even BEGIN to calculate."
Parents: Drug addict hobos.
Hobbies: Piloting battlecruisers while smoking dope, having affairs with other men, pestering Cortana, and wearing tights.
Other interesting facts: Gay, and has a crush on MC.
Cortana:
Smart: Yes
Based on: Dr.Hasley's brain
Hobbies: Writing strange letters to Hamish Sinclar while getting drunk, flirting with MC, and randomly changing colors.
Other interesting facts: Get's very frightened and protective of MC when around other AI constructs, has a total crush on MC. Does not play nice with other AIs and likes to steal pretty green sticks that blow up the universe.
Crewman/Marine:
Age: horny teenager
Parents: Quite a few
Hobbies: Blowing up aliens, screaming at the top of their lungs randomly, dying hair often (crewman only), and masterbating furiously like chimps on speed.
and finally... even tho not in POA.
Elfster:
Age: (Same as crewman/Marine)
Hobbies: Playing Halo, staring at the HBO home page for hours on end while rapidly clicking the refresh button, being a run of the mill HBO forum goon, die-hard Bungie and HBO fan, staring at Cortana's boobs... Umm... staring at Cortana's boobs some more... oh ya and writing fan fiction so amazing you'll be like: Whoa, that was amazing!
And since this is too short to submit, I'm going to add a bit to it:
...
...
POA, Bridge:
Keyes: Get Cortana off this ship, keep her safe from the enemy. If they capture her, they'll learn EVETYTHING! Force deployment, weapons research....
My doll collection.
-CUT-
Joe Staten: WHY THE HELL CANT YOU NERDS GET IT RIGHT!? ITS EARTH! EARTH YOU DOPE SMOKING HOBO!
Marty: Caaalm down... caaalm down... try hugging them, not choking them...
Look for another Its Just One of Those Days episodes, coming to a browser near you!
Ok, if it says i have to have 750 words ONE MORE TIME... I'LL strangle it! Thats right, strangle it SOO HARD it'd... uhh... wish it wasnt being strangled... yeah...
ALL FEAR THE MIGHTY ELF PERSON DUDE THING!
oh and while you're at it get me a root beer.
Its Just One of Those Days (Prologue: 04)
Date: 14 August 2003, 6:39 PM
It seems my bloopers dont do so well by themselves, so I'm going back to the prologue instead, For those of you who liked the bloopers, don't worry, I might put them in as extras at the end of my fan fics to add some comedy.
This skips the Silent Cartographer, because we all know what happens, and its boring.
But to give you a run-through, Keyes has just been freed, and they got back to the command shuttle, where Keyes got a group of marines and headed off to the Flood swamp, and he gets there when the Silent Cartographer ends and AOTCR begins. This chapter is mostly from the Covenant point of view and takes place while MC has left Fire Team Zulu to go back to the inside parts of AotCR and proceed to the control center.
And without further adue, i give you, IJOTD Prologue: 04
Gizim awoke with a start. As he came to, he felt wetness in his crotch and leg area and remembered what had happened before...
"He" came. The Emerald Soldier, he came out of nowhere, he was everywhere, killing everyone and cutting through his enemies like a hot knife through butter. Gizim had positioned on one of the catwalks in the room, and was on the outer part of the room when he saw the Emerald Soldier and prompty wet himself and fainted. Luckily, since he was a grunt, while he was lying down on the catwalk he wasn't visible to those on the ground. It was good to be a midget.
But he had alot bigger problems. He clicked on his comm and called for help within his group.
Nothing.
He set the channel to all within the area and tried again.
"He-Hell-ll-lo.... Is anyone th-the-there? I'm all a-ll-ll-one and-and.. sc-sc-sca-aa-red...." he cried out in a tiny voice.
"Roger that, grunt. My squad and I are the only ones that survived in this area besides you. We lost one grunt, however, but you're welcome to join the squad to fill in." came the reply over the comm. He recognized the voice as a grunt, but it was a little lower than most grunts, meaning it was probably a leader. He nearly wet himself again with relief.
"How big if your squad? Where are you?"
"It's a four grunt squad, five when you get here, we're the only indoors room on the ground level in this area."
"Thank you, I'm on m-my w-way.." he stuttered, still not fully recovered from the shock.
Carefully, he hopped down from the catwalk and began walking through the room. His walk sped up a little as he saw the corpses of his allies. He began to see a pattern in them. The grunts mostly had small, singular holes in their heads and sometimes upper bodies, while the jackal's had blunt wounds and the same small, singular holes in their pistol hands. The Elites mostly had their torsos ripped open with many holes, or had more of the smallish singular holes in their chests.
This disturbed him more, along with the blood staining the floors and walls and the eerie silence. His walk soon quickened to an all-out sprint as he ran as fast as his little legs could carry him. After two rooms he reached an elevator. He looked up and realized the holo pannel was too high for him. He stood on his tippy toes and jumped up and down to try and hit the button and after a few minutes worth of trying he hit it. He sat and enjoyed the ride down the elevator as it came to a stop and the door locks released and the door slid open.
Two plasma pistols were pointed at his face. He squeeked in fear, then they were put down.
"Glad to see you, Gizim." The squad leader smilled at him.
"How did you know my name?" Gizim said, the fear draining from his voice.
"That's not important right now," the grunt said as he turned around and began walking, and the other squad members giggled and pointed to Gizim's suit. He blushed and followed the red grunt.
"We just radioed for any other survivors, but got no answer... So it looks like we have to find them ourselves."
There was silence for a second to let this sink in, as Gizim piped up;
"May I ask your name, sir?"
"Oh, yes, of course. My name is Somnaw, and the squad's codenames are..."
He pointed to the grunt standing next to him, probably his second, who was holding a Needler,
"Viczem,"
then to the two grunts standing next to Gizim, with the plasma pistols,
"and our two scouts, Hawhn, and Sounta." Somnaw finished.
"However, we lost our support grunt in the battle... Looks like you're filling in for him, Gizim."
"Yes, sir." Gizim said lamely as he noted that Somnaw didn't have a weapon. but picked up a Needler off of another dead grunt, then they set out. He also noted that the two scouts were both female grunts and looked very similar, most likely twins.
They jogged through the room and went through the hallway. When they got to the end, the locks released in the giant door, and the two ends slid apart. They were dumbstruck by what they saw. Some vomitted, some just stood, paralyzed in fear.
An eerie wind whipped through the snow-covered canyon. It seemed to whisper the words of death, and the cries of all the fallen. The once white snow was now a thickened purple and blue, with splotches of red here and there. Shrapnel stuck out of the ground, and black ash marked grenade explosions, pieces of black, charred metal stood where once proud Covenant vehicles hoovered. The Gods had an alternate future for them, he hopped.
After a few minutes, Somnaw barked out orders again...
"Alright, well, if we're gonna find anyone in this mess we need transportation, so scavenge what you can of the vehicles and supplies." And with that they moved out.
A few minutes later, Hawhn and Sounta found a ghost, it seemed to be in perfect condition, while Viczem, Gizim, and Somnaw found another ghost. It was a little beat up, but it could still be used for transportation. Everyone proudly squeeked their findings through the comm and Somnaw began to make a plan. Gizim didn't like that.
Gizim never liked plans.
"Ok... These are normally one-man vehicles, but I think we can squeeze two grunts per ghost in the seat.." he paused for a few seconds.
"So," he countinued, "Hawhn, Sounta, you take this," he said, pointing to the banged up ghost. "and Viczem, you come with me in the other."
Some "Yes, sirs" and "Alrights" were heard, but Gizim had to ask...
"What about me?"
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"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Gizim screamed as he held onto the back of Somnaw's ghost for dear life, as they went over a small, but still quite dangerous, cliff. 10 or 20 feet high. Hawhn and Sounta were threw out of their ghost, as the ghost plummeted to the ground in a nose-dive and prompty exploded. Luckily, the two landed in soft snow.
Gizim thanked the Gods they had more luck. Somnaw and Viczem had corrected the ghost so that it landed perfectly. Unfortunetly for Gizim, when they landed, the anti-gravity unit was strained and the ghost nearly came all the way to the ground. Well... the ghost didn't, but Gizim did.
The force tore his grip from the back of the ghost, sending him flying to the ground and forward under the ghost on his back. He slid on the ice until he hit a patch of snow.
All the grunts giggled, and Somnaw just smiled.
They had landed in another part of the canyon, with a snow hill in the middle, surrounded by a circle of ice, and a human dropship crashed far to the left, and a tunnel far to the right. The scout twins hobbled over to the rest of the group, still dizzy.
"Hop on." Viczem said warmly.
"But.." Gizim and Sounta both said at the same time.
"No buts. Trust me, with Gizim on the back, and the twins on either wing, it'll work, we just need to go a little slower. Its better than hoofin' it." Viczem interrupted.
They all fit, but it was tight, and slower than before. Half because of the weight, which all of them together put on 240 pounds on the ghost, which is roughly twice what it was built to carry. They went through the tunnel and entered a scene very similar to the last. This time there was a path at the other end of the canyon that slanted downwards. Once they got down it, they saw two dead hunters, one with it's armor cracked, and the other with it's orange flesh deformed with metal projectiles. The one with cracked armor laid down with it's fuel rod cannon pointing towards a malfunctioning blast door. The door's metal fittings were hanging together, but thrown out of place from the blast, the door kept trying to close, but couldn't, and got stuck halfway through the close each time, leaving enough room for a Wraith to almost fit through. The ghost seemed to gleefully glide through, and go with the bumpy waves of the hallway layout.
Eventually they came to a giant room with a chasm in the middle. There were two bridges across the chasm, but one was broken. Hawhn flipped out her scanner.
It showed five life signs across the chasm.
Its Just One of Those Days (Prologue: 05)
Date: 2 September 2003, 4:47 AM
Authors Note: This chapter was a little short, I know, as was the last one, so those of you who were waiting for this chapter might be a little dissapointed but it was this or wait longer, and its been so long since I submitted a chapter I couldn't resist. The next chapter I'll make sure to be longer.
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Hawhn nodded at Somnaw and Viczem and silently motioned across the bridge.
The ghost almost-silently floated, graceful yet slow, across the bridge (input spooky music here)... past the corpses of fallen allies, some, strangely skeletal, charred to the bone by plasma fire.
But... How? The humans had travelled past here in the strange green wheeled vehicles, which were self-armed with normal human projectile weaponry, and the few that were left to the passenger seats already had human weaponry and no time to get anything different.
After all, they had been dropped in the middle of the enemy, thought Gizim.
Something was wrong here, and it was made more apparent by the grotesque bone faces of the fallen.
When they got closer, they saw a Jackal with a blue shield squak and point to them, getting the attention of two Elites. One had standard blue armor, and was to busy weeping, leaning against the side of a Shade, to notice, while the red armored Elite nodded and barked out something to the right, and two grunts came running into sight and squeeked, while jumping up and down and giving eachother high fives.
The ghost got to the other side and came to a halt. The grunts jumped off, and Gizim half-conciously stumbled along behind Viczem, not being able to take his eyes off the crying Elite.
He had never seen an Elite cry before. He didn't even think it was possible.Things must have been BAD.
Sounta, who was walking beside him, saw him staring at the Elite and promptly smacked him across the face.
He had been so awe-struck staring at the Elite that the slap shocked him so much he squeeked and tried to run but tripped.
Viczem and Sounta looked and snickered, while Hawhn, in the back, walked by casually saying "Nice face plant."
Gizim got up in time to stumble over to Somnaw and overhear his conversation with the Red Elite.
"Squad leader of Grunt Unit 502 reporting, sir. What happened here?"
The Elite had a grim look on his face, and solemnly said...
"They... Have Awoken....."
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He began to move his stiff legs into a crouching position and let himself lean backwards, almost hanging off the back of the warthog, hanging on by the handle of the LAAG. The soft humm of the Scorpion grinding across the snow beside them was comforting, but his feet were sore from standing in the gunner position all day.
Back at the command shuttle Johnson had asked to go with Fire Team Zulu on this mission because The Master Chief was coming, and he owed him one.
Back on the Covenant Cruiser, two cloaked Elites with plasma swords ambushed their group while they were holding position at the Command Center, and he narrowly escaped because Master Chief got back in the middle of the fight, and there were only two marines left. The second marine had died but Johnson had dove off the command center platform and into a trench on the side of it when the Master Cheif, three freed marine sarges, and Captain Keyes came in.
He remembered that battle well...
The two elites, side by side, charged him and he did the same, and when they slashed he jumped forward, and being a Spartan, he easily jumped over their heads, and kicked one in the head while he was in the air, causing the elite to accidently hit his partner with the plasma sword, killing him. The Master Chief landed behind the Elite and did a flying-kick next to the floating plasma sword, hitting the Elite square in the chest. Being that it was unshielded, a kick from a Spartan to the head and chest easily killed it.
It was short but sweet.
And besides, he had saved the Cheif's ass once already on the Pillar of Autumn, so they should have been even, but they had become friends, and he didn't like it when the Cheif got to go on ahead but he had to wait for evac.
Unfortunetly, "evac" was shot down. But they could easily hold their own against any Covenant survivors in the area. There were nine marines altogether. One marine driving the Scorpion, one marine gunning, and four marines on the track pods, along with the full warthog Johnson was in.
Well.... almost any Covenant.
The Pelican had been shot down by two banshees and three Shade turrets that had been postitioned on the ridge above the entrance to the underground tunnel half-way through the canyon.
But he tried not to think about that right now.
Yes, they were on their way to that position, it was either clear the drop zone for evac or die stranded here, but they wouldn't get there for a while, at least not while they had to make sure they didn't leave the Scorpian in the dust since the Warthog was ahead of the Scorpian by a bit. So in the mean time, all he wanted to do was rest his feet for the battle ahead.
He crouched down and let go of the gunner handle, crossed his legs and rested his back against the LAAG. It was a tight fit, but he was a marine, he didn't join to bitch about being uncomfortable.
He closed his eyes and began to relax and think about other things, even slipping in and out of conciousness, by the time he he awoke he had almost forgotten where he was:
"Sir, I think you should take a look at this."
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